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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 19:43

@Puzzledandpissedoff you'll have to take my word that she's lovely! Re fixed cost, most of it isn't but the largest cost is the accommodation which doesn't change regardless of how many come under the current plan (hence having a rethink!)

@GrannyGrissle Grin got to be worth a try!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 19:44

@QuantamBaby and @jon66 thank you!

OP posts:
Girlsworld92 · 19/03/2018 19:47

I'd pay for close friend or family as it sounds lovely. I'd bring extra alcohol though 😀
However if people haven't got a lot of money it's considerably more than a local night out so could be too much to ask.

seventh · 19/03/2018 19:48

Seems to me that there's a chance that the bride is a bit of an attention seeking Princess. I might be wrong of course , but £240 ++ to make her happy on her hen do? Wow.

DBoo · 19/03/2018 19:49

I think the price and the expectation of two nights is a lot tbh. Assuming people will also have to take time off work or not really get the full value of the accomodation.

Some people would be fine with it. I would have been in my early twenties but not now.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/03/2018 19:49

It's not a new thing to go away for the weekend for hen nights. I got married 22 years ago and had a 3 night hen weekend in Devon (I'm in London).

If people don't like the idea or can't afford it they can decline!

BewareOfDragons · 19/03/2018 19:50

Madness.

It is not going to cost £240 each. It will cost everyone more than that in the end. Everyone.

People who have to travel will pay significantly more. £

It is self-catering; you'll need to buy food. £

More alcohol will be 'needed' since 1.5 bottles of prosecco (grim) each isn't going to be enough most likely over 2 nights out and all of Saturday. £

People will pull out raising the cost for everyone else. £

OP, and if you put it on your card to secure the reservations, etc, you could end up well out of pocket beyond what you can imagine if people start pulling out as costs rise and not paying...

I think you need to tell the bride it's too much.

And you won't even enjoy most of it by the sounds of it; you'll be doing all the cooking and cleaning by the sounds of it. No fun.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 19:52

@Seventh to be fair to the bride she doesn't know that's how much it is costing! I'm going to have a chat with her about it as I think she will be understanding of the fact that it's too much money. She isn't an attention seeking princess at all - I don't think I have painted the best portrait of her in this thread because lots of people are saying she must be entitled / bratty etc. She's actually a lovely girl (if ditzy and not the most practical). You'll all just have to take my word for it and blame me for giving an unfair impression of her!

OP posts:
gingergiraffe · 19/03/2018 19:53

My daughter is going on a two night hen do in a few weeks. Posh hotel but a train journey away. No food included or entertainment or pool, so all that will be extra plus a share to cover the bride’s stay. So drinks to buy as well as various bits and pieces for entertainment. £160 just for the hotel. Some have dropped out but daughter never likes to let people down even though really she is not a close friend.

These hen does seem to be getting ridiculously expensive. So actually the op’s do seems not bad in comparison.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 19:54

@BewareOfDragons food is included in the budget but agree with you on the other points / hidden costs

OP posts:
SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/03/2018 19:54

A scottish bloody castle for a hen night, I am just amazed anyone will go and fork out what is definitely going to be a 500 break once everything is paid for. People will pull out and it will become even more expensive.

This ^^. If two or three drop out the cost will increase for the rest to the 'slightly mad' for a hen party.

I assume I've missed this upthread, but why a Scottish castle?

TheBrilloPad · 19/03/2018 19:56

FWIW I have been on about 6 hens in the past three years, and not one of them has been under £200 for accommodation and activities!

I think it's a totally normal price nowadays for the sort of hen you are describing.

Motoko · 19/03/2018 19:57

But surely she must realise that hiring a castle for accommodation (or even a very large house) is not going to be cheap?

Neither are spa treatments.

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 19:58

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes Scottish because that's where bride and most of the hens are based. Doesn't have to be a castle - any large house would do! Just happens that the one I found which was large enough and not thousands of £ per night was a castle.

OP posts:
gingergiraffe · 19/03/2018 20:00

Sorry, read the post as £140 not £240! I think it is not fair to expect people to pay that, regardless of what it includes. As others have said, there are so many other expenses involved in attending an actual wedding.

SirGawain · 19/03/2018 20:00

I think that this massive hen/stag party business has got out of hand.
I am not badly off and certainly not tight fisted but I would not pay this kind of money just to attend a party for anybody. It's just ludicrous.

TerrieTibbs · 19/03/2018 20:00

Grin granny grissle!!

ThanksForAllTheFish · 19/03/2018 20:05

I wouldn’t go to a 2 night thing for a hen night, and that is far too expensive in my opinion. A hen night should be a night out / night in, maybe something like a spa day and a meal. Anything else is too much in my opinion. I don’t get the whole thing people do now of having trips abroad / long weekends in castles etc. I would maybe suck it up for a very close friend but it wouldn’t be something I would look forward to and I would be annoyed at the cost.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/03/2018 20:05

Ah okay. It's probably reasonable value, but I agree that the potential for stress/drop outs and not paying up is pretty high.

Two nights of 'hen parrrrtttttayyyyy' and spa treatments and necking booze and being around a group of people the whole time would be my idea of hell though! I accept I might be in the minority, but I would decline just because it's too long for me to keep my party face on Grin

Original poster
Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 20:05

@SirGawain I'm inclined to agree, someone must be making a lot of money from it somewhere!

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 19/03/2018 20:08

There's no way I'd spend £240 on a hen party. That's a serious amount of money to us and I just couldn't justify it.

Cutesbabasmummy · 19/03/2018 20:10

I got married in 2009 and had a hen night. Lots of my friends had very small kids and didn't want to be away from them . It was about £40 per person incl. Food.

BackforGood · 19/03/2018 20:14

How lovely to read through 14 pages of a thread, without a single person being nasty, or getting angry Grin

OP I think you have been dealt a difficult hand here. Am glad your bride is a reasonable person -will make life so much easier.

My suggestion would be that you offer the group 2 options.... this proposal (being clear that it will cost £240 is everyone goes, but the price will go up each time / for each person who doesn't go due to the main cost being the fixed price of the accommodation. Also that it is plus food + travel, so it is actually going to be quite a bit more than that). Then come up with another proposal - as suggested by other folk here (Air BnBs etc) which will cost them a lot less, or that even gives the option for people to 'come for the day'. I bet in that scenario you'll have people choosing the cheaper one, whereas if you present just one, people will shuffle their feet / be embarrassed to say they haven't got that much to spend / not commit / and you'll be none the wiser about if people will come or not.

Personally, it would be a straight 'no' from me, even though I could get that money out of the cashpoint tomorrow. I just couldn't justify spending it on a single weekend, in a place I might not have chosen, with people I might not choose to spend it with, doing activities I wouln't have chosen. Particularly with the wedding coming up soon too, presumably.

LeighaJ · 19/03/2018 20:17

I wouldn't spend that much.

WazzitCalled · 19/03/2018 20:17

Will the bride be paying for herself? Or are the hen party treating her?