To ask for £240 for hen party?

[Ihatemyclients]

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

Christ these girls have got off easy.

I’m going for a four day hen to Portugal , £200+ flights as closer to Faro on a bank holiday weekend, accom package was around £250 with some activities and then there is food and spending on top .... 😭😭😭

Bloody hell, what happened to a meal and a night club hen night?

I know you've had lots of opinions already from every end of the spectrum, but to add my twa' ha'pennies worth I think it sounds far too much. I guess you are mostly young and working but it's a lot of money to find for some folks.

I am worrying about going to my nephew's (2nd) wedding in June. It is 100 miles away, will mean accommodation for myself, DH and DS and outfit/wedding present. Accommodation is Premier Inn - and has come to £100, but with travel/present/drinks/something other than jeans for growing boy, etc I guess we will be looking around the £300 mark all told. We will struggle to come up with that sort of money for a night away we don't really want, and I know it's an invite, not a summons, but I feel obliged to go for my sister's sake. I'm very fond of my nephew, pleased he's re-marrying, etc. I just can't really afford to splash out that kind of cash on someone else's day.

Email/text everyone - say this is what it's going to cost, what it includes and that you understand if it's too expensive and to let you know asap

'its what the bride wants'.. what if she wanted a week in the Carribean?

Exactly, Vegan. I also find the comment "the bride wouldn't have a clue about the cost of things like this" a bit . Couldn't she spend ten seconds googling to find out?
She knows fine well they don't cost tuppence ha'penny even before googling.

Its a lot of money, especially if theres a good chance that it would go up even further if people pulled out.

Why ask us? Ask those who'd be going and get a real idea.

I've been to so many hen dos and invited to many more. This isn't that unusual but I wouldn't go. I and my husband have 7 hens and stags between us this year so we have a budget of £150 max for everything including travel. We can afford more but chose not to spend our money in that way.

However I'm also not put out if that's the wishes of the bride, I just politely decline.

When I organise them I make them modular so they can choose what bits they do so a package thing isn't something I'd organise. I also collect all money upfront.

I have been on a few self catered and it's fine if you keep it simple - slow cooker is your friend here (but dietary requirements can be hard!)

It’s ridiculous!

One of the first things I did with my bridesmaids was SET. A. BUDGET. For the hen.

One friend group always organises weekends away with activities, food and drinks, always a max of 150, travel included. My other friend group can't ever seem to bring it below 250, not including travel, extra drinks, lunch etc. Including, memorably, 250 for weekend in Blackpool.

I haven't read the whole thread but that never stops me sticking my oar in
Walk away now OP. I had to organise a hen do two years and it was that stressful it literally led to me having siezures (i have a lot of existing health issues!). Are hen's friends all wealthy/happy to throw a bit of expendable income around? Will the cost go up if people pull out having agreed to go? In my bitter, very fucking bitter experience everyone will agree to go, some will even pay a deposit. Then in the coming months they will drop like flies leaving about 4 of you desperately trying to hold crisis talks and claw back something from the wreckage. Petty squabbles will prevale, it will turn out at least two hens will consider the hen upherself to expect people to pay this much money for her hen do. Goal posts will shift daily as will expectations. Upstart faction groups will gossip in their own private SM groups. An attempted coup will occur. By this point you will be glad to hand over the reins but in the cold light of dawn no other hen will touch the poison chalice of hen organisation, no fear. By this time Sandra will have broken up with her chap and bows out gracefully claiming cost. OK fine, until Rachel, Sarah, Nikki and Ellie will repeatedly agree to pay the outsanding balance by x date, y date, z date, the first of fucking never. A couple more will fall by the wayside, illness blah, childcare blah, until you have no option but to contact BTB's HTB in a sweating mess with diazepam dripping from your every pore. He will put his foot down and start retracting wedding invites left right and centre. The shit will become acquainted with the fan pretty damn quickly. You will feel like cunt of the century and will have a permanant nervous twitch in your left eye and be comfort eating/stress starving with no chance of fitting into your best going out out clothes You call that a size 12 Warehouse? Really The already meagre (under £80 budget will be altered to a £25 ph afternoon tea at a fancy bar restaurant. £25 is still too much for some hens who were apparently quite happy to spend £80 or more if needed originally (not including Sandra and the crisis crew/sensible fuckers). You are in it up to your neck. Kelly who BTB PAID to organise and plan the wedding and who has been one of the most vocal and up for a party hens drops out with a week to go. Gemma has discovered she has allergies (which are catered for at said posh bar restaurant). Helen (also very vocal/jollying the whole thing along pulls out but is honest enough to give the reason that the whole thing is an embarassing cluster fuck. I've never been so jealous in all my life that she can kick up her heels an fuck it off with naer a backward glance. The standing total heading out for local drinks and a meal in the next town is approximately 1/4 (a generous guess) the original number of hens who all agreed £80, no extras, no overnights as childcare is difficult and many have young children. Hen has a hohum sort of night (these are her life long friends and she is an afternoon tea and a few civilised drinks till nicely pickled then elegantly depart sort of lady).
I am still seeking CBT to help me through the PTSD this whole rotten fiasco has left me with. I am shuddering with horror at the memories. Walk away OP. Just walk away.

If someone is into that kind of weekend (games, prosecco etc) then it's probably an ok price, as long as they don't have to spend a fortune getting there.

Personally I wouldn't enjoy a weekend like that, I'd only be going because I felt obliged to, so I'd resent paying that much.

I'm not sure what you can do, though, if the bride has a list of wants.

Just make sure the price isn't going to rocket if some people don't come.

I'm liking the suggestion of a composite event so people can be a bit more flexible, will definitely have a good think about that!

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar to be fair I had no idea about how much it would cost before I started researching for this as it's not something I regularly do! I doubt she has googled any prices because she isn't organising it herself (which I don't mind at all because I know how much organising a wedding takes and its nice to have the hen taken off your hands so that it's one less thing to think about)

A hen such as this might be fine if it were for a small number, but for a large group surely not that many will be especially close? If all the invited friends had to attend one another's weddings and hens, then they wouldn't have any cash to spend on a normal holiday.

I'd talk to the bride and see if she's okay with offering two options of a do, one affordable, the other this. That gives all the guests a chance to voice their preferences, and you can establish if you really can fill this huge venue. If only say 7 are willing to go, that opens up options anew for accommodation, no?

I wouldn't cut the prosecco. It's the least expensive and the most essential, for those who aren't hen fans to begin with.

I think that amount is reasonable for what it includes, but I wouldn't want to pay that much for a hen do. I think weekend (or longer) hen dos are unnecessary, so I wouldn't go, even for a close friend, as it's too much for me to pay, and there's still all the wedding costs to pay.

I don't envy you having to organise this OP. It's a headache, especially with 18 people to chase up for confirmations, money, and dietary preferences if you're self catering.

Good luck, you're going to need it!

Definitely sounds like I should ditch the prosecco! To clarify I wasn't suggesting that 1.5 bottles per person would be enough for the whole weekend - i just thought that since I can get it so cheap from my friend, it would be nice to have it as a communal resource for everyone I can easily scrap it but it won't reduce the price by much, unfortunately

@perfectstorm that's a really good suggestion thank you!

@motoko your sympathy is appreciated

I realise i haven't been helpful except in my advice to drop the organisation like a rabid hot potatoe with fangs. I am pretty certain a Premier Inn would allow you to create a mock up of a castle out of cardboard boxes, felt tips and string and cable tie it to their facade for a night or two. HTB will be none the wiser.

That's a ridiculous amount of ££ Don't be surprised if people don't come!

she really is lovely - she wouldn't expect huge sums to be paid, I think she just hasn't thought through how much what she wants will actually cost

It's a bit hard to see how that sits with her being "quite specific about what she wants", " really clear on her preferences" and even possibly "upset" if folk don't come, but at least it should mean she'd be amenable to perhaps having to rethink

I'm also a bit confused as to why the costs have to be fixed, meaning ever increasing bills as folk drop out ... what's wrong with a place with a straightforward charge per head, as several PPs have mentioned?

Never in a million years would I pay that (and I have the money to spend).
I’d rather go away with my DH for that price. Sorry bride!!

p.s. you will inevitably end up out of pocket yourself

Op, all your plans would be fine with me! I think the needs of professionals in their 20s with no kids is a bit different to your average mumsnetter. £240 for a weekend in Scotland sounds good to me :)

Well I'm up for it if you are short on numbers! Seriously though, some people might not be able to manage that amount out of their budget. Depends how inclusive you want to be?