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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for £240 for hen party?

605 replies

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 15:22

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP posts:
Neverender · 19/03/2018 18:13

Doesn't this purely depend on how much everyone has to spend? I got married at 36 so none of my hen guests were in uni etc. If they are, or in lower paid jobs, they might struggle. I'd be tempted to ditch the fixed cost of the castle and let people stay wherever is in their budget to be honest.

cloudtree · 19/03/2018 18:15

Every time you change anything people will drop out.

So price starts out as 18 people at £240 per head plus travel and alcohol etc

18 is a big group so you're bound to get at least 4 say they can't make it which pushes it to £308 per head.

At this point 2 more say - really sorry but we could only just afford it at 240 but £308 plus travel and alcohol is too much. One more suddenly just can't make it that weekend because her hamster is dying definitely can't afford it now and is desperately trying to come up with an excuse

So you're now at £392.72 plus travel and alcohol and the hassle goes on and on and on...

Bride might be being very "lovely" about it but is expecting a lot. Is she expecting everyone to pay for her too?

LillianGish · 19/03/2018 18:16

I think rookiemere’s idea is the way to proceed. Otherwise you need to organise something where costs are fixed - so you can say ‘it’s going to cost this much’ and then at least people know what they are in for. Please don’t do what one hen party organiser I know did and send out an email afterwards trying to recoup your costs (after everyone has stumped up a not inconsiderable sum in the first place). Even people with plenty of cash like to know what the budget is - I don’t know anyone who would want to commit to a blank cheque and it’s the sort of thing that can cause lots of bad feeling and resentment which rather defeats the object of having a hen night in the first place.

OVienna · 19/03/2018 18:23

I've been to several hens at this price point.

  1. To Spain - I actually was involved in organising this, bride's choice. We said: We're doing xyz, we'd love to have you join us if you're keen (also the bride's preferred message), no worries if not, see you at the wedding. Just a small group of us went but bride all good about that and also no one offended. Bride not at all the sort for a boozy night out so no one would have been expecting it.

  2. Brighton - large hotel, fun night out. One evening and a brunch, back to London at a sensible time.

  3. Another European destination requiring flights and transferred...hmmm...most fun in some ways but flight out cancelled...when we eventually got there all the rooms had been "allocated" and we had to fight for a bed...apparently the bed issue was known when the accommodation was booked but everyone was paying the same amount regardless and when we got there it was announced the bride was not covering her costs, we were. Right, okay. That was my first experience of that one. I don't envy anyone organising these events (least of all the OP) but booking a place without the full number of beds required??? And announcing categorically it was going to be a third more expensive (is what it worked out) for everyone? MoH was "very laid back". Good. Have the sofa then.

SimonBridges · 19/03/2018 18:23

£240 for a weekend away isn’t bad.
£240 for a weekend with women that I don’t know all that well and might not like, playing games and doing activities sounds nightmarish.
To be fair the cost would give me a good excuse not to go.

okwhatever · 19/03/2018 18:27

It's a lot of money but I would pay that for a hen weekend. It sounds great fun!
The bride surely must've known that her choices wouldn't be cheap?
I'd imagine she knows her group of friends and wouldn't want to plan something as extravagant if she thought they couldn't afford it?
Re: trains....
not sure of your dates but, booked far enough in advance, you can get return rail fares from London-Glasgow for £80-120 sometimes cheaper, and I've never paid more than £100 return for flights! x

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/03/2018 18:32

I'd pay that for a close friend. That would be my maximum though so if others pulled out then I would have to too.

iLoveABiccy · 19/03/2018 18:34

If you break it down it's one night for £160 and half a bottle of prosecco, I'm not sure I'd be willing to pay that for a night in Scotland & what sort of activities? I'm sure that you could find something slight less costly than that, 240quid is a lot to splurge over two nights not inclusive of travel, and then all the extra little bits that'll be added on. Id seriously think about other options, plus if the cost goes up as people drop out (which they will) it'll be a night mare

rookiemere · 19/03/2018 18:35

Ultimately you're not going to know how many people are up for it until you ask them. It would be impossible for the bride to prejudge everyone's financial situation - also just because someone can on paper afford it, doesn't necessarily mean they intend to go.

I'd try to do it in a group chat so that everyone sees everyone else's responses. I'd also be very careful not to confuse a few enthusiastic responses with unanimous agreement.

Bottom line is that you're highly likely to be the one left with a mounting bill if anyone drops out. Personally if I was the bride I'd be mortified to even think that I'd put a friend in that situation and would do whatever I could to not have that happen - but then you're talking to the person who organised her own £50 for a weekend hen do in a sub-hostel type place with me picking up the tabs for anybody who dropped out ( there wasn't anyone btw) to avoid any hard feelings from my friends.

Ethylred · 19/03/2018 18:39

If I knew that for £240 I was only going to get a bottle and a half of prosecco (the world's most boring drink) I wouldn't bother turning up.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 19/03/2018 18:39

No, I'd not pay that for a hen do but neither would I want to stay away either for it. I prefer the one night local hen dos that are cheap and fun rather than the long dragged out expensive events that many seem to want as bridezillas but not fund themselves.

ItsalmostSummer · 19/03/2018 18:40

Why can't you organize a night out for anyone who wants to join you for a typical hen night for your bride friend, and then book seperately a weekend away for you, the bride and 2-3 close friends to make it really special? I cannot imagine lots of people spending that sort of money to go away in Scotland, like many other people say here. Nothing against Scotland it's just a lot of money and for people who probably hardly know each other. Weird.

bluejelly · 19/03/2018 18:42

I could afford it but I'd still resent it! By comparison I've been invited to a hen do in April - total cost £18.50 including drinks.

TheGruffalosArse · 19/03/2018 18:45

Sorry but that's total madness. The hens will end up paying £500 for this weekend once travel, drinks and outfits are factored in. Then another few hundred for the wedding. I'd be horrified if my wedding cost someone the best part of £1000.

PistFump · 19/03/2018 18:46

Nah fuck that. Other people's weddings are getting more and more expensive to attend. Once they've paid for travel, and a wedding outfit and a wedding gift this comes to a ridiculous around of dollar. Scale back and go out for cocktails somewhere one evening.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 19/03/2018 18:48

It doesn't sound too bad for what you're offering but I personally wouldn't come as that is a months spending money for me and I'd rather do something with the family. Just don't be surprised if people don't come - which then bumps up the price for others.

Ginger1982 · 19/03/2018 18:50

The whole concept of hen weekends has just gone bonkers! I had a 'weekend' but it was in my home town (so 4 of us staying over in a premier inn was just a bit of fun) I had an 80's dance class, pub crawl, dinner and club then a more sedate afternoon tea for older/younger relatives the next day. I also insisted on paying for myself as the thought of others covering my costs really embarrassed me.

I've been to one abroad hen and spent a fortune. Couldn't believe it once I added it all up!

I think £240 is excessive unless you were a very close friend. I couldn't justify that.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/03/2018 18:53

but then you're talking to the person who organised her own £50 for a weekend hen do in a sub-hostel type place with me picking up the tabs for anybody who dropped out ( there wasn't anyone btw) to avoid any hard feelings from my friends.

Congratulations! Will you be collecting your medal in person, or would you just like it in the post?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 19/03/2018 18:57

Well, I wouldn’t pay it. Even if I could afford it. Genuinely can’t imagine having a friend close enough that I’d either want to pay that much for, or that I wouldn’t tell them we’re taking the piss. That on top of the actually wedding is a joke - on the bride’s part.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 19/03/2018 18:58

I’d pay that for a weekend away I really wanted to go on btw, I think you’ve done really well to source it.

But for a drunken night out with a bunch of people I don’t necessarily know? No thanks.

lifechangesforever · 19/03/2018 19:01

It's not just the cost.. I can't say I'd want to give up 2 nights/3 days of my time either, particularly if I only know 1 or 2 of the hens.

That being said, I did once go on a 5 night hen to Ibiza - suppose my life has changed somewhat since then!

My hen do was one night at a spa hotel with entertainment, treatments and food included, I think it cost £100 each but I only had family and 2 really close friends

Blueroses99 · 19/03/2018 19:06

I would happily pay that much for 2 nights all in.

I find it hard to relax on a one night do where I spend both weekend days travelling (and will usually book an extra night). I went to one hen night which was pick n mix, people could choose to do bits they were interested in/could afford but it was chaotic and there was no part of the weekend that everyone spent together - not even any meal - which upset the bride.

The best hen weekends that I’ve been on are where everyone is thrown together (and some activities might be optional), and you get to know friends of friends, so you know more people at the wedding, which then makes that more fun. (Maybe it only works when your friends have good taste in friends!)

Ragwort · 19/03/2018 19:08

I think a lot of younger people feel under pressure to go to this sort of thing and haven't got the confidence (that comes with age Grin) of being able to just say 'no thanks'.

I am far too old to be invited to Hen Parties but my friend's daughter is (late 20s) - she is in a professional career but doesn't have a lot of 'spare' cash for these sorts of things, she's been invited to three this year and just hasn't got the heart to say 'no' but really struggles to afford them. I really think brides need to seriously lower their expectations about Hen Parties.

HermionesRightHook · 19/03/2018 19:10

I could afford it but but I wouldn't want to pay that much for a hen night and I have turned down many similar invitations - if I'm spending that much on a weekend away I'm choosing my own companions and activities. £240 plus travel and incidentals is just not good value for me for a hen night.

I like it when people do composite events - an activity in the morning, a nice lunch, something fun in the afternoon and a meal, drinks, clubbing, and you say in advance which bits you can go to. That way the people who hate activities or have childcare problems or need to spend less or whatever can just do bits of it, and those that enjoy going all out can do the whole day.

Piffpaffpoff · 19/03/2018 19:10

Places that I know large groups of friends have been to recently are...

Kilconquhar in Fife (pronounced Kin knocker)
Archerfield In E Lothian
Duchally (nr Gleneagles)
Piperdam nr Dundee
Stobo Castle