To ask for £240 for hen party?

[Ihatemyclients]

Timely thread since there was another about hen party costs earlier!

I want to know - is this unreasonable for 2 nights' accommodation in a Scottish castle, all food, all decor / games / activities, and about 1.5 bottles of prosecco per person? So basically everything except additional alcohol the hens may want to bring.

I wanted it to cost a lot less than this but this is the cheapest I've managed to get it and still accommodate the bride's wishes. The main cost is the accommodation as options were limited for the number of people coming (she has a huge number of friends apparently!). I could make some savings by getting rid of the prosecco but it only knocks a couple of pounds off of the end bill (because I'm getting it dead cheap from a friend who is a wine merchant). On everything else I've gone as low as I think I reasonably can.

I just feel bad because I've resented being asked to pay through the nose for hen parties before. What do you think? Is it a totally unreasonable amount?

OP, please for your own sake try not to book somewhere that is fixed cost. £240 is expensive but may well be within range of what that particular group expects to pay. However you can’t go back and ask the attendees for more to sub people who pull out. You will create yourself a nightmare because some people will say they’ll come if it’s £240 but not if it’s £360 etc. The castle sounds lovely but it will be a logistical nightmare for you to sort out costing!

I totally echo the advice to speak to the bride and just explain that you’re struggling to find somewhere affordable that can take 18, would a hotel be ok

www.spabreaks.com/regions/scotland?utm_campaign=1020491947&utm_term=%2Bnight%20%2Bspa%20%2Bscotland&device=m&adgroup=48958588223&matchtype=b&gclid=Cj0KCQjwv73VBRCdARIsAOnG8u2j5JEbjjkkPSetS16qbohuS8rJ2n9kvXTgU9jhw1Q6DG2FZCQlQPsaAoktEALw_wcB

That’s hotels with spas in Scotland. I think I’d be inclined to book a hotel near Edinburgh then that means people who want can stay Friday and Saturday. Others can just come the Saturday to spa day, dinner and stay or they can even just come to spa and meal then go home or just dinner then home etc. Gives lots of price options for the guests. If there’s a suite you could book that for you and other bridesmaid and thats where you can meet for drinks and games before dinner.

Suggest create a short survey on google docs, with a few cost ranges and options (night out vs one night vs 2 nights away) and dates, get a consensus view on what people would be willing to do/pay for.

Then once you have an idea of what people are happy with they will be much more likely to actually come and also to accept what you've arranged.

Then ask for deposit by x date before paying for the accommodation. Then get the rest a couple of months before you actually go. Get 10% more than you need to ensure any extra costs are covered, you can always give it back at the end.

That’s hotels with spas in Scotland. I think I’d be inclined to book a hotel near Edinburgh then that means people who want can stay Friday and Saturday. Others can just come the Saturday to spa day, dinner and stay or they can even just come to spa and meal then go home or just dinner then home etc. Gives lots of price options for the guests. If there’s a suite you could book that for you and other bridesmaid and thats where you can meet for drinks and games before dinner.

This is what I'd probably do. Gives people options, it can be cheap for some, and anyone who hates spas/hotels/drinking excessively/people they don't know can avoid bits they don't fancy

It totally depends on the guest list, if everyone is well off then £200-£300 is fine but IME this sum of money will normally leave some people either excluded or over stretched financially. Personally I would always look to do something within the budget of the least wealthy guest which is why my own hen was a meal at a restaurant that I payed for followed by drinks in a local bar. Fancy hen weekends always have me rolling my eyes. They are lovely if you can afford to host and are paying the majority of guest’s costs but not if the invitation comes with an invoice.

Sorry OP another one from the 'a hen should be a NIGHT out not a weekend away costing hundreds'.

Also what Ms Harry said - brides need to realise that not everybody is as excited about the wedding as they are! It is out of order to expect friends to pay hundreds when they will also have to spend hundreds for the wedding itself'. Totally self centred imo.

sorry posted too soon!

But OP I guess you are in the position where the bride has said what she wants, and you kind of know it's unreasonable, even although you have done a great job to get that much for £240. I think i'd probably sound out a cross section of proposed guests and see what their response is. If they are all up for it, you'll know that we are just miserable bastards!

If it was a very close friend, I was young, childfree, knew most of the other hens and easily had the cash I'd consider it (but wouldn't want to pay for the shite prosecco), but really how many of her friends are in that situation?

@SandyDenny I don't think I am vague, I think you've maybe misread the thread. I said earlier that if I took off prosecco and activities it would cost £20 less - not prosecco alone.

I also said that I was basing the cost of travel on flying. I fly between London and Edinburgh 3 or 4 times a year and it hasn't ever cost me more than £60 for a return flight (I've managed to get them as cheap as £30 for a return). It costs around £30 for a return ticket from Luton airport to central London. Therefore £90 in total, so my estimate of £50-£100 was about right. I did agree that it would cost more if people travelled by train.

How much will the wedding day set people back OP? Is that also in Scotland and is it also a whole weekend job?

I also get you saying your friend is lovely OP. In which case if you put it to her that some people may really struggle with the cost, she'll probably really not mind a change in plans. I think it's easy to get caught up in 'perfect plans', especially with social media promoting so much. However I bet she'd prefer to be with her friends and not have them out of pocket.

That’s crazy I wouldn’t pay it

I think the trouble with this plan OP is that if you're involved in the organising you'll either a) end up massively out of pocket having to subsidise people when they drop out or b) end up with no one speaking to you on the day as they've had to pay extra and/or had to pay up if they didn't attend.

Plus what happens if someone responds and says they can stay for one night, not two, or won't be able to do the activity, or are pregnant or don't like prosecco- do they get a reduction or not?

In theory it doesn't sound too bad for a weekend - but I'd worry that people would go yes, but then nearer the time decide that the travel was too expensive or that they couldn't be bothered going for a full weekend.

If the b2b is definite that this is the way to go, then I'd email the invitees telling them the cost and asking them to confirm in principal if they want to go. I'd also put that this price is based on everyone attending and as you're booking the full venue you can't offer reductions for one night - people are either in or out.

The likelihood is that a couple of people will respond and say they can't attend - presumably pushing the costs up for the other people. At this point I'd either go to the b2b and tell her its too costly, or if the difference isn't too bad go back to the group

I'd then ask for a sizeable deposit from everyone before booking. If possible I'd get the full cost of the accommodation. If just going for the deposit, I'd try to nicely phrase it so as to make people know that they need to have their own insurance in case they cannot attend.

At this point hopefully you'll have sufficiently put off enough people to suggest a hotel where everyone books and pays their own rooms instead .

@cloudtree It depends on where they are coming from to be honest. It isn't costing me anything because it's just one day, and it's close enough to home that I don't need to stay in a hotel (it's not remote). But for those coming from far afield there will be travel and hotel costs

I'd happily pay that to stay in a castle and have spa treatment. I won't drink prosecco though 🤢.
So if your short on numbers OP give me a shout 😂😂

@FlyingMonkeys very true!

@rookiemere that's really good advice, thank you!

@Justabadwife the more the merrier!

I have and would pay that no problem! I think it depends on the 'type' of girls going though. My friends are all professional women (solicitors/ teachers etc) , mid 30's, enjoy spending money on nights out/ clothes/ holidays/ beauty treatments etc and would have no orobs paying £240. past two years running we've gone abroad to hen parties- one to Portugal and the other to Ibiza. I had my hen in New York and 6 friends came (there was no pressure at all to come) but I had a one night hen party before the wedding also. There's no point making it super cheap by providing crappy accommodation and no alcohol! In my experience the things that have been least appreciated were the activities. If they're costly just do your own games and activities!

Sorry that I'm not replying to everyone by the way! I really appreciate you all giving such helpful advice and taking the time to reply

I certainly wouldn’t spend that even if it was a close friend. I’m not a hen night fan but even if I was, I’d do one night, in town, low cost.

I think it's pretty reasonable. Well done OPZ.

£240 all in for two nights away sounds great. Are you getting caterers for the food or buying stuff in to cook?

@DuckBilledAardvark buying stuff in to cook (but that might not be feasible!)

My daughters hen weekend is costing everybody £200 for accommodation for 3 nights me and the MOG are paying for food for breakfast x 3 days and dinner x 3 days they will buy their own lunch alcohol and activities which are about £10 a pop all 13 girls are fully paid up already (not till June) and looking forward to a great weekend away. I think you need to pick your hens to match your choice of celebration to get everyone on board. Hope they all pay up and have a great weekend. My daughter was careful to not make it hers and hers only weekend it is basically a holiday for a load of girls so they are happy to pay the money if they are not going to be bossed about all weekend by some jumped up bridezilla and her sidekick iyswim😂😂

I think that is acceptable for a weekend of girlie fun. But it doesn't matter what random strangers on the internet think. We all have our own financial situation and must manage within that. There have been times in my life when that would have been impossibly expensive for me, yet I also know there are people who would happily fork over more than that.
Speak to the bride, and get a realistic count of people who will be coming