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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help. My boss is bullying me back to work

122 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:45

On Saturday I came home from work ill as I had flu symptoms and felt very unwell and was sick. He clearly didn't believe me and didn't send me home so I sent myself home. I called in sick today. He told me to call back in afternoon.
I went to drs and have been diagnosed with bacterial tonsilitis and was told to stay home and rest and got antibiotics.
I called my boss to update and he asked if I would be in tomorrow and I said no I can't manage to eat anything and I've been sick too and he said in his whole career he has never heard of anyone been sick with tonsilitis. Shock
He asked why I couldn't come and work indoors for him and I said I'm not well enough and he said well your antibiotics will kick in and you will be fine. He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do.
He obviously doesn't believe me.
My Dr told me to self certify for seven days then go back to her if I wasn't better.

I've now called her and I'm waiting on a call back for her advice on what to do.
I am in a union so I will call them too.
I am 28 year old mother and I can decide when I'm well enough or not well enough to come into work.
I feel completely bullied and what ever I said he just twisted it to sound like I was making it up or that he had never heard of those symptoms before. Like tonilitos was just the sniffles or something. There is also a pregnant woman I would be working closely with if I went in. She's due in 6 weeks.
Any advice on how to handle this piece of shit?

OP posts:
selfID · 19/03/2018 13:49

" piece of shit"

Because he asked when you could come back to work?

Glad to see you've got the energy for Mumsnet ...

Loobyloomicles · 19/03/2018 13:49

Lick his phone and keyboard.

Then he'll soon have heard of someone being ill with tonsillitis...

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:51

No because he was basically calling me a liar. I told him I wouldn't be in work tomorrow that should be enough.
I am a postie so no I do not have the energy for that but I can use my thumbs doesn't stop me feeling sick.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 19/03/2018 13:51

selfID I don't understand. Are you the OP's boss? Because he was bang out of order.

AlmostDoneWithThis · 19/03/2018 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/03/2018 13:53

Yep he was totally out of order. Tell him he’s welcome to call your dr.

HotCrossBun12 · 19/03/2018 13:54

@selfID - you honestly think this mans conduct is acceptable? What a mean spirited comment. Angry

OP - glad to hear you are in a union. I would approach them with this if you have any more unpleasant communication from your boss. You are unwell and you need to rest - keep standing up for yourself and don't let yourself be pushed around by this bellend. Hope you feel better soon, drink lots of fluid and look after yourself x

Dozer · 19/03/2018 13:54

Don’t involve your GP further: your employer is not her problem. Tell him you will notify him of your absence in the usual way. Then once you’re better talk to your union about options to complain about his handling of your absence.

Neverender · 19/03/2018 13:54

I'd ask the Dr to sign you off, and post him the note. He sounds like a right arse!

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 19/03/2018 13:55

Bacterial tonsillitis is HORRIBLE. selfID has clearly never had it.

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/03/2018 13:55

I think concentrate on getting yourself better, don’t worry about handling him while you’re too unwell to be at work.

Get better, go back to work, do your job and complain about his behaviour towards you.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:56

I took dd to school this morning and felt like I was drunk I was so dizzy. I told the Dr all this and my partner is finishing work early to collect dd and he will need to take tomorrow morning off to take her because walking for just a few minutes buggers me.

I am a hard working person and I do so much for them and this is how I get treated. I'm disgusted.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 19/03/2018 13:57

When you speak to your doctor ask her to issue you with a certificate. Don't allow this horrible man to bully you. You shouldn't be going to work for at least 48 hours after vomiting

Loobyloomicles · 19/03/2018 13:57

He's being ridiculous. You are ill and need to recover. You are perfectly entitled to self certify for a week and there's nothing he can do about it.

Pay-wise, it'll depend on your contract but some employers do refuse to pay sick pay, though in that scenario you can get SSP after 4 days (if you meet certain criteria).

Just email with a date/time when you will next contact him to update him as to your illness, turn off your phone, go to bed and concentrate on getting better. Get well soon. Xx Flowers

Loobyloomicles · 19/03/2018 13:58

To all the posters above saying 'get your doctor to sign you off' - they can only do this if you are going to be off (or have been) for longer than 7 days.

afrikat · 19/03/2018 13:58

Nope he's being an arse. I would inform him of your sickness as per whatever process you have then turn your work phone off at all other times.
When you are back I would speak to HR if you have one as he is being completely inappropriate

UpstartCrow · 19/03/2018 14:02

Its hilarious that someone with the username 'selfID' doesn't believe someone else when they say they are ill.

Sunflowerhappy Your boss is an arse, and he does not have your back. So now you know, no more favours.

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 14:02

@SelfID stop being such an obvious troll. OP's boss clearly didn't just ask her to come back to work - he's piled on pressure and behaved in a totally inappropriate way. And there is a world of difference between posting a thread on MN and going to work. I hope you never have tonsillitis but if you ever do you'll realise what a horrible and debilitating illness it is. My sister was a repeat sufferer until she had her tonsils out and she was signed off sick for up to two weeks at a time as it is so awful.

OP, your boss is behaving in a totally inappropriate way. Is there someone you can make a complaint to? I would also call his bluff - pass on the details of your doctor and say he's welcome to call them if he wants to. I'd bet my bank account he won't actually do it, but even if he did he'd find out how absurd he's being.

I hope you feel better soon and don't have to deal with any more shit from this arsehole.

selfID · 19/03/2018 14:03

@HotCrossBun12

Said he hadn't heard of tonsillitis being so serious.

Asked if she could work inside.

Asked if she could call the Dr for advice.

Hardly bullying. "Piece of shit" also seems incredibly venomous. I've likely called DH a cunt at some point in the last week or 2. I'd never call him a "piece of shit" unless it was following "I want a divorce".

@dickiedavisthunderthighs

Never had it. Have just read it's debilitating. I didn't doubt how awful it was, did I?

Sparklesocks · 19/03/2018 14:04

selfID absolutely not needed, why on earth are you sticking up for a bad employer?

OP, stand firm. You're completely right you can self certify for 7 days. Your boss has no legal right to contact your doctor and you'd only need a fit note if your illness exceeded those 7 days. Perhaps send him this link as a helpful reminder:

www.gov.uk/taking-sick-leave

is it a small employer?

I think your union can advice how best to deal with the pressure for you to return. But you won't get any better stressing about work, and your boss should only want you to return when you're well again (if you come back too soon you might get sick and have to have even more time off, so it's in their best interest you get better!)

Bluelady · 19/03/2018 14:05

No, Looby. A doctor MUST sign you off after seven days. There's nothing preventing them from signing you off earlier.

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2018 14:07

I went down with what I assumed was flu three years ago. I felt unwell at lunchtime and went home an hour early. Went straight to bed. By morning I had never felt so ill. Day after I was so bad I couldn't even have rung the doctor let alone got there had I been able to. I texted my mum who got in and found me in a really bad state, she rang NHS direct who instructed her to take me to hospital. I ended up being diagnosed with severe tonsillitis bordering on quinsy and they were weighing up whether to admit me and put me on a drip. In the end they allowed me to go home with lots of drugs. I was off work for 7 days and lost over a stone in weight. I'd never had 7 days off over the previous eight years of work!

AlmostDoneWithThis · 19/03/2018 14:07

So calling someone a cunt (your husband, no less) is better than calling someone a piece of shit? Hmm

What an odd world you live in.

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2018 14:09

selfID No, you're not quoting from the OP there. Let me help you.

He asked why I couldn't come and work indoors for him and I said I'm not well enough and he said well your antibiotics will kick in and you will be fine. He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do.

A good boss does not say "I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do"

Loobyloomicles · 19/03/2018 14:09

Bluelady - www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1062.aspx?CategoryID=68