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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help. My boss is bullying me back to work

122 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:45

On Saturday I came home from work ill as I had flu symptoms and felt very unwell and was sick. He clearly didn't believe me and didn't send me home so I sent myself home. I called in sick today. He told me to call back in afternoon.
I went to drs and have been diagnosed with bacterial tonsilitis and was told to stay home and rest and got antibiotics.
I called my boss to update and he asked if I would be in tomorrow and I said no I can't manage to eat anything and I've been sick too and he said in his whole career he has never heard of anyone been sick with tonsilitis.
He asked why I couldn't come and work indoors for him and I said I'm not well enough and he said well your antibiotics will kick in and you will be fine. He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do.
He obviously doesn't believe me.
My Dr told me to self certify for seven days then go back to her if I wasn't better.

I've now called her and I'm waiting on a call back for her advice on what to do.
I am in a union so I will call them too.
I am 28 year old mother and I can decide when I'm well enough or not well enough to come into work.
I feel completely bullied and what ever I said he just twisted it to sound like I was making it up or that he had never heard of those symptoms before. Like tonilitos was just the sniffles or something. There is also a pregnant woman I would be working closely with if I went in. She's due in 6 weeks.
Any advice on how to handle this piece of shit?

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 20/03/2018 05:41

OP, wishing you well, get better soon.

Your LM clearly hasn't got a clue about the severity of tonsillitis- tonsils are actually one of the mechanisms to protect the body against infections, as they act as a kind of gatekeeper against germs. That's why, if they become infected it has a massive impact on the body. Thank goodness you are receiving proper treatment.

Let's hope he has learned a salutary lesson, and will not challenge important matters of health but leave it to the professionals and give hard working staff like you full support in future.

flumpybear · 20/03/2018 05:57

Your boss is an arse! Check your sickness policy at work and see how often you need tobohine in sick

Now you're in hospital phone him and tell him you're not calling twice a day as clearly you're unwell and suspect you'll be off all week

Get well soon

JeffJarrett · 20/03/2018 06:13

I'd be phoning him from the Hospital and asking if he wants to speak to the nurse to confirm where you are! Play him at his own pathetic game.

Tell him you'll phone when you're feeling better and think you'll be getting ready to come back to work then I'd be forgetting all this shit, getting myself better and resting up.

Once you're better go to the Union and check the HR policy. He is massively harassing you on this, it's completely unprofessional and I'd report him if you're able and it won't make your working situation worse/awkward. Other than that I think I'd be looking for a new job.He is a piece of shit indeed.

I hope you feel better soon OP

SelfID; stop being a cunt (since you prefer that term )

StealthPolarBear · 20/03/2018 06:25

"Remember that there is an absence policy, read it and know it - it states that ‘all absences are treated as genuine’".
Which policy? I'm confused

Tinkie25 · 20/03/2018 06:31

How awful for you. Your boss is a twat.

I’d be giving him the ward number is he wants to call you back😡

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Sophiesdog11 · 20/03/2018 06:33

Stealth - the poster who stated that, said her partner was an ex-union rep with Royal Mail.

Op is a postie, so likely to work for Royal Mail.

Putting 2 and 2 together and making 4, I am guessing that is a direct quote from the Royal Mail absence policy?

StealthPolarBear · 20/03/2018 06:34

Thank you :)

YoThePussy · 20/03/2018 07:05

A tip for OP and others when bosses or others are behaving like prats. Say to them ‘put that in writing and I want your signature at the bottom of the doucment’. I have used it a couple of times very successfully. Bosses and others don’t like it one bit as they know their signature means they cannot deny writing whatever nonsense it is. Whereas with phones and emails they can say someone was using their extension or email account.

OP hope you are feeling better this morning. Obviously not glad you are in hospital but you are in the best place to help you.

IncidentalAnarchist · 20/03/2018 07:21

If OP is a Postie it’s not in the policy to make her call in twice per day and I imagine the Union will make her manager super sorry about this behaviour

Original poster

Sunflowerhappy · 20/03/2018 10:06

Thanks all
Home now but my tonsils are more ulcerated and I'm still very unwell. My temperature keeps spiking and dipping.

I've to phone in soon for tomorrow and I am dreading it. I need to stand up for myself.
The union said my line manager will just deny everything he said so there is no point taking it further, even though he was completely in the wrong.
I haven't washed in days and my mum has been getting dd ready for school in the morning. Climbing the stairs exhausts me and has me break out in a sweat and it's sore to breathe.
I'm not ready to go back yet.

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 20/03/2018 11:40

If you find it hatd to talk can your mum phone in for you? Either way phone in and say you are just out of hospital and are still very ill. You will not be phoning again until you are coming back. Record the phone call. Email to confirn what was said in call.
Then ignore. Keep call log.

Your union seems pretty rubbish a word from them might wake him up to his actions being unacceptable even if they couldnt take it further. And as they know you are having to call in twice a day which is ridiculous they know he has overstepped the mark already they could pull him up on that too.

Rest up and get well thats all you need to concern yourself with right now. Once you are 100% fit get on to hr and complain.

LakieLady · 20/03/2018 12:26

Sunflower, I'm sorry it's come to this. I suspected it might be your kidneys, as it sounded so like what happened to me when I had a strep infection that started with a very bad throat (not tonsils, they were long gone) and then affected my kidneys.

It was 3 weeks before I felt well enough to go back to work, and mine was just a desk job, so nowhere near as physically demanding as being a postie. And I had been under pressure from my boss to go in when I was first ill, too!

I hope your mum/friends/other family can help with childcare, I think one of the hardest things for lone parents is having to cope alone when they're very unwell.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Trinity66 · 20/03/2018 12:28

He said he was going to phone your Doctor? What a dickhead.

TomRavenscroft · 20/03/2018 13:36

Your union sound shit. I’d get legal advice.

spidey66 · 20/03/2018 13:51

Get well soon sunflower x
It seems the most sympathy comes from those who've been through the horror that is tonsillitis lol. It's amazing how we take swallowing saliva for granted when we can't do it!

butterfly56 · 20/03/2018 14:24

Get your DH to call in for you. Don't ring yourself you are too ill and need the rest.
Stay off as long as possible because if you go back early it can come back again.
I used to get this regularly as a kid and missed a lot of school until they took the damn tonsils out!

Original poster

Sunflowerhappy · 20/03/2018 14:34

The union got in contact again, our area rep and gave lots of good advice and reported him to his boss also.
I have also found out a man at my work had tonsilitis a couple of weeks ago and he got the same treatment and he's put in a grievance about him. My union also advised me to do the same.
I'm feeling better than I did but I just got up and did some dishes and kept coughing which was incredibly painful. If i go outside in the air it instantly burns my throat. I'm going to need a space suit at this rate.

Thank you all for the support.

OP posts:

TomRavenscroft · 20/03/2018 15:47

Fuck, this man is a menace. Glad your union has upped its game. Sounds like your boss might be about to get his comeuppance.

PoisonousSmurf · 20/03/2018 15:49

Make sure you infect him...

Willow2017 · 20/03/2018 16:44

Glad your union has finally stepped up now they know you are not the only one to be bullied by this git. Hope he gets his come-uppance.

Do as little as possible until you are better, you need to concentrate on getting well, this isnt some little throat infection, your body needs all the energy it can muster to fight these infections. Nobody ever died from an untidy house or a bit of dust. Your dd will not be eternally ruined by watching tv for a few days while you rest or living on beans/scrambled egg on toast.

Take care of yourself and you will be ready to see the look on your managers face as he is hauled over the coals for his abuse of his position.

Ellendegeneres · 21/03/2018 14:02

Hope you’re feeling better today op.

When I left my last job, I did so knowing I’d be long term unemployed/ permanently. So I pulled the manager who dealt with absence aside and told her quite kindly but very bluntly that she made it worse for people calling in sick by making them explain the ins and outs of a ducks arse with every symptom and exactly why you’re incapable of a days work.
Some people went off sick with depression/ stress etc over my employ there (including me) and got treated like absolute shit.
I told her as much. She used the words ‘x just has anxiety and depression, no need to call in sick for that for Christ’s sake, it’s not even a proper illness’ once. So on my exit interview I told them I’d heard it. Told them that it would be passed on to union rep.
😂😂 not much has changed, but she no longer is heard giving so much shit to people

Clandestino · 21/03/2018 14:15

Some managers are really unreasonable.
I had a conjunctivitis last week and my manager (and colleagues) couldn't wait to kick me out of the office and treated me like I caught Black Death. It was the "very contagious" that made them go whoa.
A bacterial tonsillitis isn't a walk in the park either and can have serious consequences, sepsis etc. Wonder if you could have a nice chat, face-to-face with your manager and cough a few times, briefly mentioning the risks.

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