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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help. My boss is bullying me back to work

122 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:45

On Saturday I came home from work ill as I had flu symptoms and felt very unwell and was sick. He clearly didn't believe me and didn't send me home so I sent myself home. I called in sick today. He told me to call back in afternoon.
I went to drs and have been diagnosed with bacterial tonsilitis and was told to stay home and rest and got antibiotics.
I called my boss to update and he asked if I would be in tomorrow and I said no I can't manage to eat anything and I've been sick too and he said in his whole career he has never heard of anyone been sick with tonsilitis. Shock
He asked why I couldn't come and work indoors for him and I said I'm not well enough and he said well your antibiotics will kick in and you will be fine. He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do.
He obviously doesn't believe me.
My Dr told me to self certify for seven days then go back to her if I wasn't better.

I've now called her and I'm waiting on a call back for her advice on what to do.
I am in a union so I will call them too.
I am 28 year old mother and I can decide when I'm well enough or not well enough to come into work.
I feel completely bullied and what ever I said he just twisted it to sound like I was making it up or that he had never heard of those symptoms before. Like tonilitos was just the sniffles or something. There is also a pregnant woman I would be working closely with if I went in. She's due in 6 weeks.
Any advice on how to handle this piece of shit?

OP posts:
GlueSticks · 19/03/2018 16:38

Honestly sunflower call 111. When I went to A&E I'd already been sent home from the doctor with antibiotics but the rapid deterioration is (apparently) common with quinsy. Really best not to risk it.

Stinkerpoop · 19/03/2018 16:40

Tell your boss to blow it out his arse. Ffs what an absolute stain he is.

himalayansalt · 19/03/2018 16:45

It can also become sepsis and your update sounds very scary. Please get someone in real life to help you, I wouldn't be surprised if NHS Direct don't send you along to A&E. The racing heart is a very worrying sign. Do not ignore this!!

WellThisIsShit · 19/03/2018 18:44

Hope you feeling a bit better OP

echt · 19/03/2018 19:12

I had bacterial tonsillitis years ago, and quinsy. Couldn't get out of bed for seven days.

You boss is an arse.

LakieLady · 19/03/2018 19:16

OP, have you taken your temperature? If it's below 36c or above 38.3c, call 111. And are you drinking and peeing ok?

Tonsillitis is a bitch. I had repeated tonsillitis for a few years, until they eventually agreed to take the buggers out when I was 15. The only things that have ever made me feel anywhere near so ill were a strep kidney infection and campylobacter.

Don't worry about your twat of a boss, YA definitely NBU. Flowers

LBOCS2 · 19/03/2018 19:26

I've had tonsillitis twice in the last 6 weeks, the first time around over half term. I literally SOBBED when I realised that DH had to go into work and was leaving me alone with our DC. I couldn't see how I could possibly cope with being alone with them all day when the idea of making my way to the loo was making me want to curl up and cry. When I saw the Dr her main point (apart from the general 'make sure you take your pills') was that rest was absolutely vital. I didn't rest properly; it took ages to go and came back again 3 weeks later.

You need to rest. Your boss is a dick. If you do start an email trail, I would consider copying in your HR team as well - in case he tries to get in there with his version of events. Your sick note (if you need one, and I really hope you recover quickly) will go to them anyway.

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 19:42

Goodness Sunflower call 111 or nhs 24 and get thier advice. You sound too ill to be alone and if you get worse there's nobody to help you. Can someone come round pdq?

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 19:45

Update saw the dr temp up to 40. Took a pain in my side and Dr got me to do a urine test. I have a kidney infection and tonsilitis so I'm now in hospital. What a great day.

OP posts:
ShackUp · 19/03/2018 19:57

OP Thanks hope you're on the mend soon

Chapterandverse · 19/03/2018 19:58

Oh you poor love.

Get well soon.

Your boss sounds just like mine! I had the exact same as you (minus the kidney infection) and was off over a week too. My boss told me when I called in "Yes, XXX and XXX (colleagues) have been under the weather recently too, but they've managed to keep going."

I told him it was most likely their fault that I had it as bad as I did and there was no way I could even drive to work never mind keep my mind sharp enough to focus! And in my back to work interview told him How unreasonable his remark had been. He doesn't think it was.

GirlsBlouse17 · 19/03/2018 20:00

Ok I'm so sorry. How awful for you. You don't need the worry along with being ill. Your boss is out of order and a bully. Concentrate on getting yourself better. See if the hospital can give you a sick note. I hope your union representative will help your boss see sense. He is a that!

GirlsBlouse17 · 19/03/2018 20:00

*twat

lifechangesforever · 19/03/2018 20:08

What a dick.. last time I had bacterial tonsillitis, I had to spend all of my Christmas and New Year in hospital on a drip! It is a bloody horrible illness and takes time to recover (obvs mine was quite extreme, I had a month off work all together!)

I did get to have my tonsils taken out at the grand old age of 25 though.

Stand your ground and keep your union up to date.

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 20:11

Sorry to hear you have more to cope with sun but also glad you are safe and being looked after properly.

Email manager tomorrow/ when you feel up to it (and cc HR) telling him the update. Add that you will not be phoning in until you are home and have more of an idea when you will be fit for work. Specifically mention he doesnt need to phone you daily either.

If he does ignore ignore ignore but keep a note of day and time and dont delete call log.

Take it easy and forget the idiot and concentrate on relaxing and getting better. Flowers

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 19/03/2018 20:14

It is bullshit that he can call your gp. And your gp is correct that you can self cert for 7 days.

SellMySoulForMoreSleep · 19/03/2018 20:18

Please look after yourself, I had bacterial tonsillitis last week, decided to ignore it and ended up in hospital with quincey which is really grim! Sounds like your doc will support you - tell him to ring her!

ElinorCadwaller · 19/03/2018 20:24

I'm really sorry you're so ill-I've nothing to add about the employment side of things but I had bacterial tonsillitis a few years ago and I've never, ever been worse (and I've had a few nasty episodes ending in emergency surgery!). I was literally laid in bed, sweating, for a fortnight. There's absolutely no way I could have worked, and no way anyone would have wanted to work with me.

Lazyjane76 · 19/03/2018 20:26

My partner is an ex-union rep for Royal Mail. He said that there’s an absence policy and you’ve adhered to it by ringing in sick. Managers try to use the whole ‘keeping in contact with the office’ to pester and bully you so if he rings again tomorrow just say that you’re still to ill to come in l, regardless of what he says just repeat it. Don’t get in to a discussion, if he persists say that you are now feeling bullied and harassed and hang up.
Document each phone call, the time and what’s said. Don’t go back to work until you’re 100% well as if you end up going off sick again it’ll be 2 absences. If he keeps pestering you put in a grievance for bullying and harassment.
Remember that there is an absence policy, read it and know it - it states that ‘all absences are treated as genuine’

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 20:59

Lazyjane
op is now in hospital hopefully that will be enough 'ill' for him!😀

Bluelady · 19/03/2018 21:25

Get well soon, OP. 💐

notanurse2017 · 19/03/2018 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lazyjane76 · 19/03/2018 21:39

Willow2017 - You’d like to think so but looking at some of the cases my partner represented I beg to differ!

OP - take care and keep speaking to your union x

acatcalledjohn · 19/03/2018 21:59

Get well soon OP.

For those doubting the seriousness of bacterial tonsillitis: my DP was sent to A&E by the local out of hours service after the antibiotics he started 48 hours earlier not kicking in as expected. He ended up on a cocktail of antibiotics, penicillin and throat spray to treat it.

And this is a man with the pain threshold of a Norseman.

AMerkinInParis · 19/03/2018 22:14

I'm so sorry OP. I've also had bacterial tonsillitis - or septic tonsillitis as it was called when I had it. I was off work nearly 3 weeks. It took over a week for the antibiotics kick in, I have never felt so ill. I still remember having to spit into tissues because I couldn't bear to swallow my own spit. I was crying in the waiting room before I saw the GP. It was horrible. My managers were lovely though. They were more concerned about my welfare than anything else.

And OP, now many years later, I'm a senior manager in a large public sector organisation. I'm several grades more senior than my line managers back then and probably yours. If I ever found out that my management team were treating someone off sick so badly I would be absolutely furious! There is no place for behaviour like this. It is bullying and I would want to know and I would take action.

I would suggest you get your husband to call in sick for you tomorrow and tell your LM that you are likely to be off for a couple of weeks at least and why. And it will be a couple of weeks. Nobody should be expected to call In sick from a hospital bed. And I think the fact that you are in hospital might give him a kick up the arse. If he is partly human of course...

If you don't know the next manager's up email address get your husband to ask your manager for it so he can keep him updated. Clearly if your line manager needs to email your Doctor to confirm your illness then your line manager's manager should be copied in too? I confidently predict that he will absolutely shit himself and refuse to share it. Perhaps your husband could enquire whether the manager requires the contact details of the on call consultant who admitted you? Obviously his line manager will also need it to ensure that he was being thorough in monitoring sickness absence...?

Get well soon OP. I suspect your LM might be a bit of a wanker and might have a bit of an epiphany sometime tomorrow...