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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help. My boss is bullying me back to work

122 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:45

On Saturday I came home from work ill as I had flu symptoms and felt very unwell and was sick. He clearly didn't believe me and didn't send me home so I sent myself home. I called in sick today. He told me to call back in afternoon.
I went to drs and have been diagnosed with bacterial tonsilitis and was told to stay home and rest and got antibiotics.
I called my boss to update and he asked if I would be in tomorrow and I said no I can't manage to eat anything and I've been sick too and he said in his whole career he has never heard of anyone been sick with tonsilitis. Shock
He asked why I couldn't come and work indoors for him and I said I'm not well enough and he said well your antibiotics will kick in and you will be fine. He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do.
He obviously doesn't believe me.
My Dr told me to self certify for seven days then go back to her if I wasn't better.

I've now called her and I'm waiting on a call back for her advice on what to do.
I am in a union so I will call them too.
I am 28 year old mother and I can decide when I'm well enough or not well enough to come into work.
I feel completely bullied and what ever I said he just twisted it to sound like I was making it up or that he had never heard of those symptoms before. Like tonilitos was just the sniffles or something. There is also a pregnant woman I would be working closely with if I went in. She's due in 6 weeks.
Any advice on how to handle this piece of shit?

OP posts:
HandbagCrazy · 19/03/2018 14:10

What is the sickness policy where you work OP? Mine is that you need a drs note after a week if you're not back in. Self cert before that - this is pretty standard.

Also, if the conversation was over the phone can you email him? Say your throat is hurting so email is better and clarify that you're not well enough to come in and ask what he needs from you? I would probably drop in that you've spoken to the GP who has confirmed they wouldn't just release this info to your boss but you would like to be helpful etc. That way, his reply is on record in case you need it later and you can make sure you are clear with no opportunity for him to twist your words.

If you're sick and say you can't work, that's it. Your boss can't force you so stick up for yourself!

Tinkobell · 19/03/2018 14:16

Do drag yourself into work. Take your prescription to show him. Tell him that your condition is very contagious in the office air, you've never felt pain like it and wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy!!!

kaitlinktm · 19/03/2018 14:17

Can an employer write to your GP requesting information without your permission?

mikeyssister · 19/03/2018 14:17

In Ireland if your GP says you're not fit for work you are not insured in work.

If your employer gets back onto you ask him are you insured for work if your GP says you're to stay at home.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 14:18

didn't send me home so I sent myself home.

are you 12? Why do you expect your boss to send your home in the first place!

TheJoyOfSox · 19/03/2018 14:18

My advice to you op is to stay home all this week and if you’re not any better by next Monday get a sick note from your doctor!

I know exactly how you feel, when you say you feel drunk, dizzy and weak. Rest will help, your arsey boss really isn’t helping.

I’d be telling my boss “I’m not expecting to be better any time soon. I shall call you each morning, but dr thinks I’ll be off at least a week”

Then put your feet up and watch crap on telly. 💐 🥃🥃 medicinal whiskey!

TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 14:19

I'd flag it to HR now and ask them to deal with him ie get him off your back while you're ill.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 14:20

I've sent an email to my union and yes thank you that is brilliant advice on emailing then I have a paper trail.
It was like he was trying to make me trip up and nervous and cave into him. It was ridiculous and inappropriate.
I work for a UK wide company it's massive.

God I actually feel worse now I've got stressed.

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 19/03/2018 14:23

@selfid Hardly bullying. "Piece of shit" also seems incredibly venomous. I've likely called DH a cunt at some point in the last week or 2. I'd never call him a "piece of shit" unless it was following "I want a divorce". you call dh a cunt? I would never call my partner such a disgusting name and i’m a right potty mouth that’s a disgrace

myotherpantsareagstring · 19/03/2018 14:26

Your employer cannot write to your doctor without seeking your permission first & you can ask to see any information they send to your employer first.

You can self certify for 7 days but you must obtain a doctor's note if you will be absent after this. A doctor can sign you off sick before 7 days have elpased but since you often have to pay for this you generally wouldn't get them to do this.
If you are sick then you don't have to attend work & your boss should not put pressure on you to return. As long as you keep in contact & let them know how long you are likely to be off so they can arrange cover if needed that is reasonable.
If you earn over a certin amount you should be entitled to Statutory Sick Pay if there is no contractual sick pay arrangement in place. More details at www.gov.uk/statutory-sick-pay & get well soon - I've had tonsillitus before & it hurts- a lot!

TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 14:26

Self, this on its own 'Said he hadn't heard of tonsillitis being so serious' is basically accusing the OP of lying. Or at the very least undermining her. Which is workplace bullying and intimidation.

Call your DH a cunt as much as you like. Doesn't change this.

daisychain01 · 19/03/2018 14:27

A doctor MUST sign you off after seven days. There's nothing preventing them from signing you off earlier

Under normal circumstances a GP will not sign off a Fit Note for up to the first 7 days of any illness. It isn't that there's nothing "preventing" them, it just isn't how the process works. The reason for the Self certification phase is to take traffic away from the GP and give the patient the responsibility for self certifying to their employer for 7 days.

The assumption in the self certify process is that the relationship is one of trust, that the employee is genuinely unwell. The boss is effectively casting doubt on the OPs honesty, and forcing them back to work when they still have tonsillitis.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 19/03/2018 14:28

So calling someone a cunt (your husband, no less) is better than calling someone a piece of shit

What an odd world you live in.

THIS ^

OP
Tonsillitis is the worst. Ignore your boss. Your dr has diagnosed you, if your boss doesn’t believe you it really isn’t your problem. He can’t sack you.

daisychain01 · 19/03/2018 14:29

OP I remember having tonsillitis as a child and it is really distressing.

SelfID · 19/03/2018 14:31

@TomRavenscroft

"Which is workplace bullying and intimidation"

Haha. Love it! Any more gems?

Bluelady · 19/03/2018 14:32

No idea why you posted that link, Looby. It doesn't support your point.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 14:32

I'm disgusted he would have me working with the heavily pregnant lady. Although the tonsilitis itself is not contagious the nasty flu virus is and she's due soon. She said to me herself the other day go home I don't want your germs and that's when I was working from a distance.
He's not getting to bully me. I took it from my last employers and nobody will get to treat me like that again. I have done nothing wrong and I'm putting myself first for once. It just bloody outrages me the favours you do for them and this is how you get treated...like your not a human being with a family, like your a robot who's main function is to work work work.
I find in this day and age it to be disgraceful behaviour.

OP posts:
Parrothead · 19/03/2018 14:32

Your boss sounds awful, OP. I agree with all of the above advice.

I will say, though, that if your tonsillitis is bacterial you will feel DRAMATICALLY better within 24 hours of starting antibiotics, and even better after 48 hours. So I wouldn’t write off the whole week just yet, unless you want to, in which case you should because your boss is an arse. But if you aren’t being paid or if you have a limited number of sick days you may well feel up to going in by Wednesday or Thursday.

InsomniaInTheMiddle · 19/03/2018 14:32

When I used to get tonsillitis I would be so ill and dizzy I would literally have to crawl to the loo, so lots of sympathy here.

I would also speak/email to Occ Heath and check their reporting policy.
I also work for a very large company and the policy here is that under no circumstances should a manager be contacting you once you have reported in sick; that is Occ H's job.

My friend who is a Occ Health Nurse consultant for several big companies states that this policy is not unusual; and she recommends it to companies as it prevents accusations of bullying (and of actual bullying). I know you've only had the one contact but he has really overstepped the mark saying he'll write to your Dr's.

Good Luck!!! and some soft Cake

Ps. gargling with soluble paracetamol before swallowing it, really helped me.

Titaniumpins · 19/03/2018 14:34

@SelfID actually with all the rules in place these days practically everything the boss said is completely inapropriate and would be classed as harrassment as the OP will know for sure when the union rep gets back to her. I think you wanted us all to feel shocked at you calling DH a c**t but I bet you really don't.

TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 14:34

Do behave, SelfID.

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2018 14:37

Ignore SelfID. Only appeared on MN in the last day or so, only commented on a couple of threads but on all of them been unpleasant.

OutyMcOutface · 19/03/2018 14:41

Have you asked to see his medical qualifications?

chocolateworshipper · 19/03/2018 14:43

OP DH had bacterial tonsillitis once. It wasn't treated properly and turned into quinsy. DH eventually took himself to A&E and was told he was hours away from death. I don't mean to scare you - I'm just suggesting you ignore your idiot boss and look after yourself. Excellent news that you're in a union.

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 14:43

selfid
Calling up a sick employee and trying to pressurise them into returning to work when they are ill and threatening them is bullying and intimidation by anyones standards.
Yours appear very low if calling the person you are supposed to love a cunt is acceptable but calling an ignorant bully a piece if shit isnt!