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Original poster

Help. My boss is bullying me back to work

122 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 13:45

On Saturday I came home from work ill as I had flu symptoms and felt very unwell and was sick. He clearly didn't believe me and didn't send me home so I sent myself home. I called in sick today. He told me to call back in afternoon.
I went to drs and have been diagnosed with bacterial tonsilitis and was told to stay home and rest and got antibiotics.
I called my boss to update and he asked if I would be in tomorrow and I said no I can't manage to eat anything and I've been sick too and he said in his whole career he has never heard of anyone been sick with tonsilitis. Shock
He asked why I couldn't come and work indoors for him and I said I'm not well enough and he said well your antibiotics will kick in and you will be fine. He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do.
He obviously doesn't believe me.
My Dr told me to self certify for seven days then go back to her if I wasn't better.

I've now called her and I'm waiting on a call back for her advice on what to do.
I am in a union so I will call them too.
I am 28 year old mother and I can decide when I'm well enough or not well enough to come into work.
I feel completely bullied and what ever I said he just twisted it to sound like I was making it up or that he had never heard of those symptoms before. Like tonilitos was just the sniffles or something. There is also a pregnant woman I would be working closely with if I went in. She's due in 6 weeks.
Any advice on how to handle this piece of shit?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/03/2018 14:45

I hope SelfID isn't responsible for managing staff.

Shoppingwithmother · 19/03/2018 14:51

SelfID, On what planet is calling someone a piece of shit worse than calling someone a cunt. If you call your DH a cunt on a regular basis I’m surprised you’re not already divorced.

Anyway, OP, your boss is both of those things and shouldn’t be phoning you up about this. Ignore him.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 14:53

I spoke to the Dr who said they have written on my file about what my boss said to me as proof incase I need it. She also told me with my consent he can write to her and they will charge him for the reply back. She also said she would fully support me.
I have also emailed my union rep for advice.
I will be telling him in my back to work interview how inappropriate I found his behaviour. I am calling in twice a day to update them and doing all I can to get better so I'm doing everything by the book. I may even record the phone calls too. Drastic but ive been in bullying situations at work before and you need to have a lot of proof in these situations for anything to get done if needed.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 14:57

I am calling in twice a day to update them

You don't need to do this, do you? How are you meant to get better?

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 15:02

Apparently ive to ring every morning and then either they call me or i call them in afternoon for an update so they can arrange cover.
The Dr said I may feel better by Thursday I may not. Just see how it goes.
I'm going to be tough now and not take any stick. Normally i would be in floods of tears over something like this but it's bullying tactics and I'm going to show them I'm not a little girl they can bully into doing what they want.

OP posts:
EleanorAbernathy · 19/03/2018 15:09

I 've just been off work with bacterial tonsillitis - for 6 days in total (it went to my chest afterwards, I had rest days and leave booked or may have been off for longer as it was horrible!).
I tried to go in on day 3 and ended up having to go straight home again as the act of walking up the stairs into the office drained all my remaining energy and made me realise I should have stayed at home.

I took photos of my tonsils in case work didn't believe me but thankfully they were very understanding and I didn't have to use them! Grin

Look after yourself and take the time you need to recover, if you have good attendance otherwise it shouldn't trigger any disciplinary action.

AlmostDoneWithThis · 19/03/2018 15:11

So if you called them this afternoon and said you will definitely not be in until Thursday at the earliest, they'd still hassle you? I think I'd lose my phone.

InsomniaInTheMiddle · 19/03/2018 15:14

Apparently ive to ring every morning and then either they call me or i call them in afternoon for an update so they can arrange cover.

That is ridiculous; how are you meant to get some, you know rest and get better?

We're expected to ring in each day as much to check we're still alive...but if someone called and said the Dr's have said I'll need at least 3 days that would be expected to be accepted and you to either return after 3 days or than call in again. Because we're like adults...

Yes some people will take the piss; but most managers know who they are.

Twice a day is excessive; what if you're fast asleep when they call and you miss it?
Will they accuse you of lying and being out on the town?

Nanny0gg · 19/03/2018 15:15

I had this a week ago. I felt better but it's come back:-(

Look after yourself

TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 15:16

Apparently ive to ring every morning and then either they call me or i call them in afternoon for an update so they can arrange cover.

It's worth double-checking that with HR. Sounds odd to me.

As Almost said, you've basically given them a return date of Thursday at the earliest (from your GP), so I don't see why they can't just organise cover until at least then.

Elektro · 19/03/2018 15:17

In what world is calling your boss a "piece of shit" anywhere near as bad as calling you husband a "cunt". Goodness me, your poor husband 😂😳

Bundlesmads · 19/03/2018 15:17

I’m guessing that perhaps an awful lot of posties have called in sick in today’s weather and he is under pressure to do something about it.

Shinycat · 19/03/2018 15:18

Ignore @selfID it's probably your boss. Yes he IS a piece of shit to treat you like this, and he can do FUCK-ALL about you being ill, and being off because of it. Tonsillitis is horrendous and unforgiving, and the your boss can fuck off. I hope your doc writes your off for 2 more weeks.

The OP's boss is a moron for assuming he can speak to her doctor about her illness. He won't speak to him!!! Who does this man (her boss) think he is? Stupid asshole.

Horrible man. And a terrible boss. And a terrible boss who is breaking the fucking rules.

Ariesgirl1988 · 19/03/2018 15:18

Wow you're boss sounds like a bully and an inconsiderate ahole! write down everything that's happened for future reference just in case. I'be been through work place bullying quite badly the best approach is to the nip it in the bud before it gets worse. And be careful about recording the phone call you can get into trouble if you record it without his knowledge or permission. My former boss was like this when I was ill in fact she called my doctor's and tried to find out what was wrong with me (apparently witnessing me puke was not proof enough) and when she couldn't answer certain questions they got suspicious and said they'd phone back and phoned me to ask if I had called when I said no they told me about the call. I also got incessant phone calls from private number everyday I was off, yet when she was ill we all had to be sympathetic and she took weeks at a time off Hmm. I would keep it to one call a day and if they call don't answer the phone.

KittenBeast · 19/03/2018 15:23

SelfID - you're talking out of your arse. You think it's acceptable for a boss to hassle an employee who's been told to stay off work for the week, and then tell her he wants to speak to her GP? What bit of that seems reasonable to you? I have had bad tonsillitis and it is absolutely not just a 'bit of a sore throat'.

Allthewaves · 19/03/2018 15:28

Iv had strep throat and basially passed out in front of the doctors surgery. Iv never felt so ill. Ring them each morning to tell them your ill and that you will be turning off phone as going back to bed

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 15:35

I would email boss to sau as you have informed him that you have been told by your gp you should stay off until Thursday at earliest you will not be calling them twice a day meantime. You will call wed to update them.

Calling twice a day is ridiculous and hr would not be impressed by managers behaviour.
I would email them for clarification about his actions pdq.

rosieposies · 19/03/2018 15:52

@op so angry on your behalf :( I had tonsillitis a few years ago and I remember having to crawl to the kitchen to get pain killers because I was so ill.

You do not need to phone twice a day, that is going to stress you out and you will not be able to rest knowing you need to talk to them. I totally agree with Willow's suggestion.

This 100% needs to be raised as a complaint and your 'manager' needs to have some serious HR training. I hope your union can give you some good advise.

For now though just concentrate on getting better and go from there Flowers

YoThePussy · 19/03/2018 15:56

One of my friends had Quinsy earlier this year, she was rushed to A&E and kept in for nearly a week. She had her tonsils out as a result and has dropped 4 clothes sizes. I met her two weeks ago and didn’t recognise her she looked so ill.

Tonsillitis can lead to Quinsy if not properly treated so tell your boss to fuck right off.

spidey66 · 19/03/2018 15:59

Tonsillitis is truly horrible. My lasting memory of it was bending over the loo spitting in, because my throat was so sore I couldn't swallow my own saliva. (I had it twice in the late 80s when I was in my early 20s and to this day it was one of the worst illnesses I've had.)

Bollox to your boss, you're far too ill to get out of bed with tonsillitis. let alone go to work.

GlueSticks · 19/03/2018 16:26

Said he hadn't heard of tonsillitis being so serious

Well he can fuck off with that one. I was hospitalised last year with complications due to tonsillitis felt ridiculous going to A&E but then got told off for not coming in sooner. I had to have surgery for them up cut out a 4cm diameter abscess because it was impacting my breathing.

Normally tonsillitis is a manageable illness - provided to follow the doctor's recommendations. Your boss is probs one of those people who thinks he has tonsillitis when he really just has a sore throat.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 19/03/2018 16:30

Bloody nora i have took a bit of a turn. Vomiting and can't stop shaking. I'm frozen but roasting got heating on full and under covers can't stop shaking my skin is so painful. My heart is going like the clappers.

Sore throat my backside.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 16:31

God, OP. Maybe call 111 if you feel able? Just for reassurance if nothing else.

Italiangreyhound · 19/03/2018 16:34

"...he said in his whole career he has never heard of anyone been sick with tonsilitis." Is he a doctor?

"He said I can always write to your Dr and find out what you can do. " I am sure he is welcome to write to your GP. I doubt he would get a reply.

"I feel completely bullied and what ever I said he just twisted it to sound like I was making it up or that he had never heard of those symptoms before. Like tonilitos was just the sniffles or something. There is also a pregnant woman I would be working closely with if I went in. She's due in 6 weeks.
Any advice on how to handle this piece of shit?"

I am a nice person so I would tell him that I found his questioning really offensive and if he carried on I would report him to my union or HR. But I am guessing most people will just say report him for pressuring you will ill.

worriedsouth · 19/03/2018 16:36

I had bacterial tonsillitis a couple of years ago and I was off for a fortnight - really ill, and the doctor told me that vomiting is common with it. Your boss is being an arse, harassing a sick employee. Get a sick note and definitely consult your union.