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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think he’ll struggle coming back from this (Ant)

999 replies

Fruitbat1980 · 18/03/2018 23:17

What a stupid boy. Worth 60 million and doesn’t get a taxi. I just don’t know how he’ll come back from this latest fiasco (drink drive car crash hits 3 year old).

OP posts:
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5
LucilleBluth · 23/03/2018 14:24

Yes agreed....but if he was my DH, friend, son I would be trying to help, it doesn't look like anyone did....or maybe they did, I don't know him.

Honestly....he came out of rehab, went to Australia...wife is pictured at work then out with wine , friends, fags...all well and good, I love a shitload of wine myself but I would have taken time off to go with him at such a delicate point in his life. I've been married for 17 years and I would offer that support to my DH and him to me.

His lovely, successful wife is of course entitled to do what she wants but I do wonder if they were enabling each other.

bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 14:25

Hear hear. Don't blame his mum. Don't blame his friends. Don't blame his ex wife. Addicts are experts at blaming others. He needs to take responsibility for his addiction. That is the only meaningful way forward.

LucilleBluth · 23/03/2018 14:27

I'm just riffing on the popbitch post....I'm not pulling this out of my arse.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2018 14:33

There is a lot of hypocrisy around addictions and there seems to be a hierarchy of importance regarding which addiction is the worst one to have.

Someone who is very overweight and binge eats ..................their partner isnt expected to give up chocolate crisps cake etc when the person with the problem tries to beat it. They are told "tough shit have some willpower"

LucilleBluth · 23/03/2018 14:36

Are you seriously telling me that if your husband had a serious alcohol addiction you would be sat watching thevTV with a bottle of Chardonnay. I think not.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 23/03/2018 14:38

but if he was my DH, friend, son I would be trying to help

Whenever there's a man fucking his life up, there's always a woman to blame, apparently. Mothers, wives: never the man himself.

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 14:38

lucille, I also suspect it was that kind of destructive relationship. Not that it makes any of this Lisa’s fault, he is an adult with agency. But relationships like that can be a big factor in addiction.

Often when people recover from alcohol addictions they say they didn’t realise that not everyone went straight to the pub after work or opened a couple of bottles of wine at home or start drinking at 4pm on Friday and don’t stop until they pass out on Sunday.

If you’ve got a partner doing the same and you both think it’s ‘fun’ it’s easier to spiral down rapidly.

bastardkitty · 23/03/2018 14:41

You have no idea. She might have spent years trying to stop him or help him to rein it in.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 23/03/2018 14:41

Often when people recover from alcohol addictions they say they didn’t realise that not everyone went straight to the pub after work

Yeah, they did. But people keen to absolve the poor innocent of any sense of personal responsibility will collude to make excuses.

Anyway, that's settled: when men have car accidents while pissed, it's the fault of their wives and mothers for not helping the poor diddums. Not, apparently, the bloke with the car keys in one hand and the bottle in the other. Jesus.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2018 14:42

Of course not Lucille

Suzuki have now pulled their advertising with SNT

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 15:01

cuboid, you obviously don’t know much at all about addiction. For a start, yes many don’t realise that other people’s lives don’t revolve around alcohol the way theirs do. Why do you think that it takes alcoholics so many years to admit they have a problem and need help? They just think they’re sociable and up for a laugh, having a good time, relaxing. Lots of alcoholics start drinking at the beginning of their adult life and until they stop they don’t really realise that their lifestyle is so different from others. They are always seeking out environments where they can drink, so when they see other people they are always drinking. So in their head, everybody is doing it just as much. And, yes, relationships where both are big drinkers are often a big part of that.

Addictions are a disease and there is a lot of complicated psychology behind them.

None of that means anybody apart from Ant is to blame for him drink driving. Plenty of alcoholics won’t ever drink drive. Being an alcoholic and whatever problems lie behind that doesn’t excuse drink driving.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 23/03/2018 15:05

None of that means anybody apart from Ant is to blame for him drink driving.

Exactly. So why did you spend a long paragraph making excuses for him?

whitecremeegg · 23/03/2018 15:12

One thing that hasn't yet been proven I don't think, is whether he actually caused the crash or if it was another driver. Drink driving doesn't mean he was the one who caused it.

I do hope he gets help and gets back on track. It seems to be one thing after another

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 15:13

Exactly. So why did you spend a long paragraph making excuses for him?

I wasn’t talking about his drunk driving at all. I was talking to lucille about the Popbitch article.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 23/03/2018 15:16

whether he actually caused the crash or if it was another driver

The car he hit was stopped on the correct side of the road. His car was on the wrong side of the road. It's hard to see how that happens other than his car being on the wrong side of the road.

Drink driving doesn't mean he was the one who caused it.

Perhaps he was distracted from driving by a handicapped orphan who needed an autograph, or a puppy that had to be rescued from a pond?

mintich · 23/03/2018 15:21

I don't think it's the fertility issue that is the semi fictional story
I've got a lot of friends in media and I'm sure it'd get me into trouble if I wrote what they have told me so I won't but there are a few mentions of it on Twitter! The drink and prescription drugs were only half of what caused them to split

frankchickens · 23/03/2018 15:23

Perhaps he was distracted from driving by a handicapped orphan who needed an autograph, or a puppy that had to be rescued from a pond?

Grin
hairycoo · 23/03/2018 15:39

If he wasnt Ant, just a random nobody on the street who had drink issues and done what Ant had done, not a single person on MN would be saying how much sympathy they had for him. He would be treated with the vitriol he deserves. All i can say is he must have some good pr people working overtime on social media especially!

GayAllen · 23/03/2018 15:43

Mintich ooh where on Twitter??

mintich · 23/03/2018 15:47

Search ant affair...

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 16:00

If he wasnt Ant, just a random nobody on the street who had drink issues and done what Ant had done, not a single person on MN would be saying how much sympathy they had for him

Well no, not if someone ordinary had drink driven. I have no sympathy with anybody who drink drives, regardless of whether they are famous or not.

But I do feel pity for people’s who are alcoholics, regardless of their fame or otherwise. It’s an awful affliction.

Wishfulmakeupping · 23/03/2018 16:17

I’ve seen it on nn and dig spy previously that his affair is with a co star but not the one off sat night takeaway- its his other big show

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 23/03/2018 16:24

But I do feel pity for people’s who are alcoholics

Some people who drink while behaving like entitled pricks are just entitled pricks who drink, of course. Not everyone who behaves like a prick has an illness.

It's interesting that every rich man who gets caught being a prick is quick to claim they're ill, so they don't have to take any responsibility for their actions. Since he has form for being a prick in a car (it won't be his first driving ban, so he knows how to get a taxi) I'm inclined to think he's just a prick in a car.

mintich · 23/03/2018 16:28

That's the one @wishful! Allegedly of course. Seems ITV pay the papers and mags to keep it quiet. So they've pushed the prescription drug thing as it's less damaging to his reputation. Well until the drunk driving! Guess that wasn't part of the plan
Hope I don't get into trouble but it's not me who works for the media

LucilleBluth · 23/03/2018 16:31

I can't see an affair somehow. I've never seen BGT believe it or not, but we do love I'm a Celebrity in this house.

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