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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 9 year old wear make-up?

144 replies

biggirlknickers · 18/03/2018 16:36

She's asked me a few times now, and I've said no. Not least because she doesn't have any make-up and she wants to use mine no way!!

Some of her friends have make up which she always puts on when she go to their houses. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable to see her wearing it - a 9 year old with mascara on!

Anyway she's asked me if can she buy some for herself using money she has saved up, and I don't feel I can refuse as it's her money.

Do you let your 9 year olds wear make-up? Is it just at home or do you let them wear it out on special occasions? Where do you buy child appropriate make-up from?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 19/03/2018 09:47

I wasn't allowed make up at all until I bought my own aged 14 and I absolutely layered it on because my parents had been so strict about it.

Yup, that's how it's supposed to work.

I HATE makeup on children (that is what a 9 or even 11 year old is). Reminds me of JonBenet Ramsay every bloody time

StickStickStickStick · 19/03/2018 09:55

Mine is 9 and she has asked for "proper make up" but amongst other things. I hate that so many women end up (as evidenced by mn) not able to go out without make up on/ think their faces are a fright without makeup etc.

I want to teach my daughter it's not at all necessary to enhance /in order to look good but of course experiment with it for fun.

Taking it seriously at 9 with proper make up and leasons/ etc is a definite no in my book.

StickStickStickStick · 19/03/2018 09:56

As in I won't be buying it for her at 9. I'll occasionally let her play with my old bits and pieces as fun but not seriously getting into it. That will have to wait until much older!

YoloSwaggins · 19/03/2018 10:01

I wasn't allowed to at that age, until 14 really. However, from 11 onwards I would sneak it into school and slather on powder and eyeliner in the toilets.

You can't really stop them.

However now as an adult I don't even wear makeup to work lol, too lazy to take it off every day.

reallyanotherone · 19/03/2018 10:03

Jesus christ. How the fuck can anyone not read that as a joke?

I despair.

I stand by the rest of my post though. I think most women are beautiful without make up and the need for it is as socially conditioned as everything else “girlie”. Otherwise you’d get men routinely wearing make up because they “look ill without it” etc. I don’t get how that can even remotely support my first (joke, although not meant to be funny) statement.

reallyanotherone · 19/03/2018 10:08

Tea, I bloody well hope so, but looking at the rest of her post, I'm not sure!

The rest of my post refers to how appearance shouldn’t be the be all and end all for 9 year olds and teens, so i don’t think the emphasis should be on improving looks with it- it should be for fun and experimentation. Which is why i prefer mine to look like clowns in make up at 9 than be worrying about using it “properly” - which is about making oneself look attractive.

How can that possibly corroborate the ridiculousness of my first paragraph which states all females like make up and should be worrying about looking good, because pink brain...

reallyanotherone · 19/03/2018 10:13

Btw- you do realise you have comitted actual violence by assigning me a gender...

And i think i really have peak transed now that i realise I can post complete and utter made up bollocks which is patently a ridiculous thing to say and people will think it’s serious..

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2018 10:16

ombre stop talking utter rot, it was you who talked about control.

You have experience of parenting your children that does not make you an expert on parenting teens. Stop spouting patronising bollocks and treating people like they are thick.

Lulahsmumma · 19/03/2018 10:17

My 6 year old has her own little set, I'd much rather she used that to make up her toys then mine.

It's fun she isn't that bothered by it. I've always painted her nails we go to the salon together as a treat. As a dancer she wears stage makeup. Lipgloss when on a modelling shoot.

I allow her to wear it out if she wants. Its harmless fun. She just wants to be like mummy.

Yes she looks a little funny with her bright blue eyeshadow but she is a little girl playing with makeup 💄

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 19/03/2018 10:19

I come at it from the opposite angle and let DD slather herself in the stuff. It looks so bad (think comedy eyeshadow - one eye red and the other green - plus lipstick smeared everywhere). I figure she looks like a 9 year old experimenting with make-up whereas if I taught her how to do it properly she'd look older and 'done'.

At the moment she looks like a kid playing.

Branleuse · 19/03/2018 10:21

My daughter got really into playing with makeup for about a month last year, and then got bored with it.
I dont see the difference between this and other sorts of dressing up or facepaints

HostaFireAndIce · 19/03/2018 10:31

Jesus christ. How the fuck can anyone not read that as a joke? I despair.

Well, I didn't, and I'm really not stupid, I promise! As I said, I think it's because the rest of your post sounded serious (and was).

Anyway, I'm bloody relieved you were joking Grin. Sorry!

omBreROSE · 19/03/2018 10:35

Calm down tea
Massive over reaction to my experience that l shared.
Over a fucking make up thread! Grin

omBreROSE · 19/03/2018 10:37

And l’m not basing it on my parenting anyway.
I’m basing it on how l’ve been picking up the pieces with teens who have been overly controlled

Londonlivin · 19/03/2018 10:40

Lip gloss and sparkly nails allowed here at age 9. She’s so young and is just playing. I’d rather this than a 12 or 13 year old that is completely made up.

reallyanotherone · 19/03/2018 10:40

If this isn't a joke, it's one of the most stupid things I've ever read on MN

It was supposed to be one of the most stupid things you’ve ever read on mn. That was kind of the point...

Eolian · 19/03/2018 10:42

Phew!

Onlyoldontheoutside · 19/03/2018 10:44

Lip gloss and nail varnish is as far as my DD was allowed to go.She is now 14 and got some make up for Christmas and bought some.more with her own money.We compromised on mascara as she has contact lenses so I dye her eyelashes every few months.
It has taken her a few months to accept that contouring is not a good everyday look!

lostlalaloopsy · 19/03/2018 10:45

My dd (9) has lots of make up, more than me in fact!! She's not allowed to wear it out of the house, her and her wee pals make themselves up. It's all in good fun. Dd likes to give me a make over, which is usually bright blue eyes, very pink cheeks and lips!!

reallyanotherone · 19/03/2018 10:53

Oh and I don't 'identify' as female. I am female. But you'd have to be an unbelievably vacuous female to really think that what is most important is your appearance.

I was going to write “if you are female your brain is genetically wired to like make up”

But that would be trans-exclusionary, wouldn’t it?

Don’t you think all this talk of teaching 9 year olds, even teens, to use make up “properly” and allowing it “because that’s what girls do”, subtle rather than clown face- is teaching them that what they look like, and using make up to improve on that, is what’s important about being female? Boys don’t ask for make up- ever thought why? Because male identifying brains are genetically hard wired for mud and trucks, and don’t care about appearance? ;)

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2018 10:53

But equally there are many teens who have issues because they have not been controlled enough...! It is about balance teens can't do everything they want.

All stages of parenting have their challenges and their easier parts. Different people find different stages easier or harder. I was constantly told by SIL that babies/ toddlers are the easiest. Not to me that aren't, I found toddlers drove me to distraction.

In any case this isn't a thread about teens it is a thread about 9yos wearing lippy. It comes down to personal preference. For me it's a no, but in the grand scheme of things I really doubt anyone is scarred either way.

nellieellie · 19/03/2018 10:58

No, my DD is 10, and has never worn make up, nor would I allow it. I have never put make up on in front of her though, always treated DD and DS same re toys. Encouraged strong women role models, not pink princess stuff. She’s more interested in doing things and reading than how she looks. I’d seriously worry if she wanted to put make up on to see her friends. She will, of course, want to when she’s a few years older, but not now.

reallyanotherone · 19/03/2018 11:02

Fwiw i was barely interested in make up as a teen.

Got to about 15 and it suddenly became a “thing”. My mum trying to “teach” me how to apply it, taking me to make up counters, “lovely” days out bonding buying make up.

Hints when we went out that i should “put a bit of lipstick on, make yourself look nice”, and the feeling I hadn’t “made and effort” if i didn’t wear make up.

Overall message that my real self wasn’t attractive enough, i wasn’t feminine, of course i liked make up.

I am 45 now and still get bought make up for birthdays/christmas, and am told “you’ll like this one, it’s neutral/dark/pale”, why don’t you try it out.

I do not like make up. If i had to wear it i love the full goth look myself :), but now would never have the confidence. I didn’t as a teen due to the constant “how to apply it properly” messages.

I obviously have a blue brain.

StickStickStickStick · 19/03/2018 11:06

I'm with you really. I don't want my daughter's to they the message it's what you do to be a grown up lady/ it's necessary to make you look groomed/necessary to make up for perceived flaws etc.

Confusedbeetle · 19/03/2018 11:08

Absolutely not. Sexualising pre pubescent girls is a terrible idea. Children who start this at this age will escalate if it has you approval. She should be interested in more healthy things, sport, reading playing games, not makeup. It looks so terrible, like tots in bikinis, high heels. There is plenty of time for teenage development in years to come