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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my 9 year old wear make-up?

144 replies

biggirlknickers · 18/03/2018 16:36

She's asked me a few times now, and I've said no. Not least because she doesn't have any make-up and she wants to use mine no way!!

Some of her friends have make up which she always puts on when she go to their houses. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable to see her wearing it - a 9 year old with mascara on!

Anyway she's asked me if can she buy some for herself using money she has saved up, and I don't feel I can refuse as it's her money.

Do you let your 9 year olds wear make-up? Is it just at home or do you let them wear it out on special occasions? Where do you buy child appropriate make-up from?

OP posts:

Screaminginsideme · 18/03/2018 17:51

I let my Dd ask for some for Xmas when she was 9. She’d nagged for ages and her aunts asked if she could get her some. The rule was only in the house. She got a glittery box set from Claire’s played with it about 5/6 times and the obsession vanished.

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2018 17:52

My six year old will sometimes ask to wear my lipstick if we’re having a day out together, which I’m fine with as a treat type thing. I’ll paint her nails in school holidays if I’m doing mine but properly wearing make up is a long way off for her. I’d not be letting a 9 year old buy and wear her own make up, it feels too soon.

Godowneasy · 18/03/2018 18:02

I wouldn't have dreamt of letting my daughter wear make up out of the house at 9years old! I think she was about 14 when she did so, (which is probably later than a lot of girls) but she was young looking for her age.

I think it looks ridiculous on very young girls, and hate the way it sexualises them.

My dd is a dancer though, so owned a fair amount of make up for use on stage from a very young age. I was always happy for her to experiment with make up at home though. This paid off in many ways, as she became very good at applying it by the time she was wearing it outside the home

RoryAndLogan · 18/03/2018 18:03

I hated my parents being so strict about things like that and resented them because I ended up being later than most at wearing makeup. Just some lipgloss or something and I would have been happy.

I'd let her have 'little girl' makeup, so glittery lip balm or bright eye shadow or something- it's more like fancy dress at that age really. I'd also talk to her about the makeup you're wearing and what it's for so as she's older she doesn't end up slathering it on but understands how to use a little to achieve a lot.

Didiplanthis · 18/03/2018 18:04

My dd 8 has nice pale pink nail varnish and lip gloss with pretty disney characters on them. She wears it very occasionally but it stops the obsessing. Id rather she did that than plastered herself in god knows what is in it 'play makeup'

MaverickSnoopy · 18/03/2018 18:11

I wouldn't but then I have fairly old fashioned views in some respects. I wasn't allowed until I was 14 although was wearing it behind my parents back at 13. I have decided that 12 is ok if she wants too but that's how I feel now and it might end up being a bit younger but it depends. She wears nail varnish now at 6yo as an occasional treat but it's very rare. She also has a mildly tinted lip balm, which is really not noticeable but she thinks it is.

I think that at age 9 if you don't want her to then you just explain that you don't want her to and that different families have different rules.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/03/2018 19:27

many are copying what their parents do so I don't see any harm

I think it's more likely that they want to emulate You Tubers e.g. Zoella who broadcast endless videos on make up and Hey guys! tutorials and pose for duck face selfies with a face contoured out of all recognition.
There's so much pressure for girls growing up in a image obsessed society where self worth is often measured by the likes and You look gorgeous hun comments on their instagram photos.

At 9, let them be children. If you're not comfortable with her messing about with make up then stand your ground. She won't be scarred by that. Don't be swayed by the classic "but mum, all my friends are allowed" line!

MidniteScribbler · 18/03/2018 23:08

I think that young girls should be allowed to wear it appropriately (eg not at school) but they should also be taught how to wear it. Buying cheap brightly coloured palettes is actually not helping them learn when they would be better off with a few higher quality pieces in appropriate colours for them to learn with.

A lot of the older girls at my school were getting into makeup, but didn't really understand it. I actually ran an after school session for them and bought them some basic kits and taught them how to use it - very very basic eyeshadow, clear mascara, a little highlighter and slightly tinted lip gloss. The parents were actually pleased (especially the single dad who was totally baffled about the concept of teaching makeup to his DD!) and I've been asked to do it again next term for another group of girls.

I love makeup, spend a lot of money on it, wear it every day and was taught by mother early on how to wear it. Never slept around as a teenager (or ever), never had a teenage pregnancy, and wear it for me, not to impress anyone else. It's a bit of makeup, not a pathway to the devil.

DramaAlpaca · 18/03/2018 23:12

I don't have girls but if I did I would not allow them to wear makeup of any sort at that age, it's much too young.

Tantpoke · 18/03/2018 23:19

Lip gloss and some glittery eyeshadow for when they are hanging out with their friends is fine.

I wouldnt let my DD 10 out of the house if she looked made up as it were.

As it is she is very conservative with her make up and knows how to apply it properly and remove it.

That said she is already over her make up phase, although at least she won't look like a clown when she starts to apply it again when she starts secondary School later this year.

MammaH2018 · 18/03/2018 23:23

Maybe the age appropriate kind of stuff you can buy cheaply - glittery eye shadow and the like but only for playing with at home or perhaps for a party. Anything other than that is no appropriate for a child of 8!!!!

LeighaJ · 18/03/2018 23:57

I'd never let a child that young wear makeup unless we were playing dress up at home and staying there after.

Little girls don't need to be sexualized.

I wasn't allowed mascara, blush, or lipstick until I was 15 and only allowed very subtle neutral eye shadow, eyeliner, concealer, lip gloss, and powder at 13, foundation at 14.

grannynap · 19/03/2018 00:36

I have a 10 year old who loves makeup. She sees it as a hobby as she's very artistic. She's got all the proper stuff apart from foundation as I suggested a bb cream for a more natural coverage. Iv taught her how not to slap it on and she loves to be critiqued so she can go and correct it. Having said that though this is only done every other weekend and school holidays and she never leaves the house with anything more than lip balm. I have also taught her about cleansing and taking care of her skin is a lot more important than the application of make up.

Make up is not sexual and grown up, it's an art and most people wear it to make themselves happy not for anyone else.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 19/03/2018 00:48

One of the main uses of make up is to make women look attractive to men

What a load of utter tosh.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 19/03/2018 00:49

I wasn't really allowed make up as a child OP and it didn't do me any harm...at your daughter's age the most I'd have been allowed was a tinted lip balm, or some children's peel off nail polish...make up isn't good for adults skin, so imagine what it must be like for children's skin to have all that stuff clogging their pores...but I agree with you, 9 year old is too young to be using mascara,

It's sad that kids walk around caked in make up, I wish kids could be kids without all the pressure from social media and YouTube and Instagram to look perfect and have perfect make up and hair...

windchimesabotage · 19/03/2018 01:00

I think this is a thing you are better off partially accepting as then you have a little more control over it. Let her buy some make up with her own money but accompany her to do it and make sure she chooses vaguely age appropriate things like colourful nail varnish or tinted lipgloss. It should be fairly easy to do this as lots of makeup is packaged in quite a fun way that she might like even though it is not 'real' makeup. For example theres lots of fun packaged lip gloss which she might like instead of an actual dark lipstick.

I wore stuff like face glitter and had those stacking lipglosses at that age. It was just a bit of fun.

What you dont really want is her going behind your back and experimenting with your expensive makeup and making herself look totally ridiculous in the process!

So id go down the middle road and just accompany her out to choose some light more age appropriate 'fun' makeup.

HuskyMcClusky · 19/03/2018 03:30

Nine???

No freaking way. None. Either in or out of the house. They can go and colour in or ride a bike.

HuskyMcClusky · 19/03/2018 03:31

I don’t believe there is any ‘age appropriate’ makeup at 9. JMO.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 19/03/2018 03:33

Playing with it - whatever. Actually wearing it out of the house - no way.

coolwalking · 19/03/2018 03:41

No way would I let my DD wear makeup. I'm not even sure what age I would say it's ok. Maybe 16.
I don't wear makeup though so I don't understand the attraction.
As soon as you start you'll have to deal with her wanting to wear it to school which is I'm assuming not allowed. Ask yourself why she wants to wear it.

omBreROSE · 19/03/2018 06:26

Make up isn’t bad for adult skin elderflower
In many cases it protects it. Especially the skin. The women l know with better skin have always used it. Those that haven’t, well, you can tell...
That doesn’t mean we need to start as young as nine though.

Teateaandmoretea · 19/03/2018 07:29

TBH I have found that the more you restrict you are regarding things the more tantalising it becomes.

This is utter nonsense, you only have to restrict things that they want to do that as a parent you disagree with.

I would say no OP, personally because I really don't like makeup on little girls. If that means she goes mad and wears it all the time when she's 16 then fine. Because it's makeup not crack and isn't actually harmful. Interestingly my dd who is the same age yours has no interest in it at all and she doesn't like the look of it on her friends.

I also think it's different to stage makeup which is for a 'purpose'.

Cleanermaidcook · 19/03/2018 07:37

My 9 yr old dd isn't into make up, the occasional nail varnish and lip balm but that's it. A lot of her friends wear it a lot though, personally I don't like it. The mums buy it from super drug or similar mostly but I know of a couple that have expensive pallets.

AuntieStella · 19/03/2018 07:41

I hardly ever wear make up, so goodness only knows where my DD got her interest in it from.

She started wearing it much younger than I really approve of, and wears it regularly now.

Why didn't I stop her? Because I made a parenting policy decision that I would never have a major issue over something that washes off.

joystir59 · 19/03/2018 07:43

I would let a child of either sex play with child's makeup including playing outside in make up. If we were going somewhere where I wanted them to look presentable it would be different because this would not be a play situation. I wouldn't let a child of 9 buy adult make up with their own money. Parents are in a position of responsibility including making decisions about what their children spend money on aren't they?

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