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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if everyone lives in a mess??

222 replies

user1472151176 · 18/03/2018 15:08

I'm a SAHM and have been for the past 18 months. I have one child at school and one toddler at home with me. My house is always a mess! I'm sure my house used to be tidier when I worked 4 days a week. I genuinely believed my house would be tidier if I was at home all day but it isn't. My days fly past.
I often wonder what other peoples houses are like and if they would still be immaculate if I spontaneously 'dropped by'.
There is always food on the table and clean clothes to wear but I never seem to be able to get on top of it all.
Tell me I'm not alone Confused?!?!
I do have a DH. He works long hours and doesn't do any housework but he does help with the kids and cooking and gardening and tidys up the front room every night when I put the kids to bed.

OP posts:
magickingdom82 · 19/03/2018 13:09

I'd say mine is quite orderly and neat, there's generally a place for everything and I have no problems finding anything BUT I'm not a cleaner so the mould in my bathroom and dirty loos would disgust some people and the dusty sinks but it doesn't bother me. I barely ever mop my kitchen floor but do sweep it regularly. My bedrooms tidy but I can't say I change my bedsheets regularly. The decor is simple and light coloured though so somehow people think it's immaculate when it's really not.

UrgentScurryfunge · 19/03/2018 13:10

I'm with @beyondthepage. I like doing things which tends to incurr the accumulation of stuff. At the moment I'm sewing badges onto camp blankets when I feel inclined so the blankets and sewing boxes are around my seat in the lounge so I can take them up when I feel the whim. DH thinks they should be put away neatly in their cupboard everytime they are not in use. For me that means out of sight, out of mind and it could be years before I actually get the motivation to dig it out and continue. By leaving them out, I've actually caught up to badges from 2016 from 2010!

I'm happy living with current, used clutter. Old hoarded clutter does need dealing with (whereas DH shuts it away neatly to be forgotten about for ever more).
To me a mess is when things are out inhibiting your actions.
I don't like dirt and although I am cluttery and get messy, grime and dust don't build up.

I see no joy in relentlessly trying to maintain an immaculate house. I find it exhausting when BiL sweeps around your ankles while you're finishing desert because he can't stand any crumbs a second longer than he has to.

No one notices what you have done, only what's on the to do list and I find the relentless, monotonous nature of housework to be pretty soul destroying.

WazzitCalled · 19/03/2018 13:11

I don't think keeping your house tidy is 'prim' Hmm

I find it easier and far more relaxing being organized and tidy. My house is a million miles away from being a show home but it's clean and tidy. Having cupboards bursting at the seems or piles of paperwork lying around sounds like harder work than the effort it would take to sort them out.

My paperwork and post is usually dealt with immediately or at worst every couple of days. It means I'm not looking for things or thinking that I've got a job to do later. Surely that's less time consuming and less effort than hoarding everything up.
I find it really satisfying that all my documents and paperwork are filed away nicely. I can easily find whatever it is I'm looking for. When my DC move into their own homes I'm going to offer to buy them a filing cabinet.

I remember the stress of trying to find lost passports when I was a kid. My Mam is wonderful but she is untidy and disorganized. She isn't any better now Blush

Having toys or day to day items lying around is different.

WazzitCalled · 19/03/2018 13:11

Seams not seems

blackteasplease · 19/03/2018 13:30

Tip here. I need to declutter a bit though.

MrsPreston11 · 19/03/2018 13:58

I find it a constant struggle to keep the house tidy (young kids) but I do have to have it clean.

My kitchen and bathroom/toilet are cleaned daily, but the living room and kids bedrooms are pretty dire most of the time they're awake.

There's normally an airer of washing drying somewhere too, which always makes the place look a mess I think, but until we get some actual spring weather then it'll have to stay that way as I'm not a fan of the tumble drier unless it's for towels or an emergency.

LMG132028 · 19/03/2018 14:22

We seem to have a lot of clutter & as much as I try to get everyone (including my DH) to help, it just never seems to change.

We hired a cleaner so the house is always clean, as in hoovered, mopped, bathrooms & kitchen are always clean, but we just have way too much stuff. I try telling the rest of the family that the cleaner will only clean, she won’t tidy up all their stuff, but it makes no difference & I end up running around like a headless chicken the day before the cleaner is due picking everything up & putting it all away so she can actually do the cleaning. It’s exhausting!

halfwitpicker · 19/03/2018 14:28

House looked good for around half an hour yesterday whilst DS was out and DD was asleep.

The chaos ensued again Grin

Spoog1971xx · 19/03/2018 14:33

OP
Nobody ever said ' I had a happy childhood ( or marriage) because the house was tidy'
Don't sweat it.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 14:36

Nobody ever said ' I had a happy childhood ( or marriage) because the house was tidy'

no, but some kids really struggle because their parents were always late, it was chaos in the house, no one could ever find anything, they were forever in trouble at school for missing things, arriving late, and they were too embarrassed to have friends around.

I think there's a happy medium between a show-home and utter chaos. I am not even talking about extreme hoarders.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 14:37

MrsPreston11
I have 2 loads of laundry currently being transformed as ice sculptures outside, but it saves space, and it will take 30mn for them to defrost tonight inside and be completely dry!

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 19/03/2018 14:42

We have a full time nanny, and a cleaning and gardening service. The house is still always a mess... there's no helping some people! Sad

Lulahsmumma · 19/03/2018 15:00

I hate mess, literally does my brain in. When I was working full time with only one child my house was immaculate. Introduce child no 2 utter caous. Twice the toys twice clothes no extra bedroom. Its actually amazing how 1 small person can create such carnage.

Monday - Friday when kids are at school it's not too bad. Weekends and school holidays well that's it every thing goes out the window.

Soon my little one will not want to get out every last thing she owns and just throw it on the floor and complain she is just too tired to even think about putting it all away. I sopose until then it is what it is and I'll just have to suck it up, as will the mil and sil. It's clean we just have too much stuff

Loandbeholdagain · 19/03/2018 15:20

I have two toddlers and SAHP. DH very helpful but works long hours.

My house would always be very tidy if you visit but if you popped in who knows what kind of mess it would be in!! I do tell people this but they don’t believe me. The key for me is can I get it tidy with 30mins racing around. If so, they I don’t worry too much.

My38274thNameChange · 19/03/2018 15:39

@TheQueenOfWands

My house is immaculate but my head is a mess.

This, exactly!

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 19/03/2018 16:01

I'm currently on sabbatical and my flat looks mostly immaculate if full of clart because I'm here to keep on top of it and keep on top of mucky flatmate. When I worked, it was messy and a bit dirty because I'd be knackered and she is very messy. I'm a neat freak and I don't find her standards acceptable. It doesn't occur to her to do things like empty the drying rack- she'll just add more drying up all around the sink and leave it for days. She loves clutter. I have a few ornaments but they're occasional and placed. I would never dream of throwing away her stuff tacky clart but if I ever create space she views it as a challenge to fill it. I'm a storage fiend, (hides quite how much stuff I own) she leaves it all out. I have no issues with some things out- I leave some things I'm using out and don't want a show home, but we have too small a flat to live in clutter. I'm sure if I had a family things would be messier but I would expect more help in keeping our home tidy and more respect for our home. DP is quite neat and tidy too and we have discussed this wrt moving in.

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/03/2018 16:29

I thought about this thread today.
My house is clean and tidy (if full of stuff) but I really struggle with a few things
Other people's houses seem to have immaculate paintwork, doors, skirting boards etc.
Mine are mashed Sad
The walls get filthy with grubby hand prints, the doors always seem to need repainting and all the woodwork is chipped regardless of when it was last painted.
Please tell me I am not the only one

YorkieDorkie · 19/03/2018 16:39

My house is not a mess at all. I've just finished work to start maternity leave. I do something every day to make light work of each job. I'm by no means a clean freak but I like a tidy house is all or I feel like the work is never done!

BeyondThePage · 19/03/2018 16:41

What do people want "the space" for - you know "the space" where all my stuff is.

I think that is the problem I have - empty space just seems soulless to me, perhaps restful(?) to others.

(I currently have 7 teenagers in the dining room playing guitar/piano practising for a recital next week - all empty space is now temporarily unavailable - including that within my head)

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 19/03/2018 16:47

I struggle with the paintwork too. I blame the dogs.

Also, cobwebs. Fucking tired of chasing those.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 19/03/2018 16:48

Also, books and papers seem to breed like the rabbits.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 19/03/2018 17:12

I want "the space" because it looks tidier, leaves me room to swing a cat or get my ironing board out or poke the hoover round, mentally it is nicer and more restful to look at and makes my little flat look more spacious, I find it easier to clean and since I'm also a praxi, it's much harder for me to kick seven bells out of, trip over, walk into, cannon off and generally hurt myself on clear space. I would dearly love to get of an ugly little wrought iron side table with spindly iron legs that have it in for my toes. We don't need it.

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/03/2018 17:49

Thanks Chardonnay
I blame the kids and the dogs. Grin

Someonehelpmi · 19/03/2018 17:51

My house is tidy for about an hour each day after an hour spent tidying up, my baby and partner wake up and instantly looks like a bomb site

Frazzled2207 · 19/03/2018 17:52

Could have written your post. I have a kid in reception and another who is 2 and I recently became a sahm- things were much tidier when I was at work.
The clutter is the issue. Various bits of paper that I'm not good at chucking or filing away. And endless lego/cars/pencils all over the floor.
I don't know what the answer is but would love to know. I know some mothers do have immaculate homes but I just don't know how they do it.