To wonder if everyone lives in a mess??

[user1472151176]

I'm a SAHM and have been for the past 18 months. I have one child at school and one toddler at home with me. My house is always a mess! I'm sure my house used to be tidier when I worked 4 days a week. I genuinely believed my house would be tidier if I was at home all day but it isn't. My days fly past.
I often wonder what other peoples houses are like and if they would still be immaculate if I spontaneously 'dropped by'.
There is always food on the table and clean clothes to wear but I never seem to be able to get on top of it all.
Tell me I'm not alone ?!?!
I do have a DH. He works long hours and doesn't do any housework but he does help with the kids and cooking and gardening and tidys up the front room every night when I put the kids to bed.

Mine isn’t a mess as such, we tidy as we go and try not to leave clutter, but there’s always something we haven’t done...hoover, scrub the shower, mop the floors etc. If I had the four in the bed lot round they’d find the dust on their finger test and all that!!

It’s a bit like a Monet painting, looks lovely from a distance but a bit messier if you get too close 😁

Ask yourself if you want to live in a house which is immaculate and with nothing out of place (a bit soulless?), it's difficult to keep it that way if you're not a natural 'tidier-upper'. MIL's house used to be like that and when her grandchildren visited it was, 'put that down, don't touch that' etc. etc. If your home is happy, fairly clean and easy-going but not bad enough to make you ill I'd settle for that.

Dh is an untidy sod, I’m the opposite but I’ve learned to compromise. Both dc at secondary/sixth form, I don’t work. I keep it tidy and clean but not obsessively so.

Our house is tidy, I can’t bear mess but I don’t find it takes any effort to keep it tidy, it’s just the way it is. As it never gets messy it doesn’t take much to keep on top of it

Oh god I hate a mess, My house would definitely not be a show house but I clean regular. My toddler happily makes a mess behind me but I don't keep clutter at all so it helps.

Every morning it has to be cleaned again but the hoarding makes it impossible cleaning around useless shit , it would drive me bananas.

At the moment I've dishes floors and washing to put away, toys are all over the floor but that's part of life.

I know a few messy people not many and I do sometimes judge clutter households, children with wrinkly dirty clothes etc.

Especially hard when there is limited space, endless kid's clutter and teenage whirlwinds passing through!
It's a constant battle to keep things reasonably tidy...and given I'm the only household member who seems to know how to open a dishwasher, load a washing machine, or clean the loo...looks like it's only me who really cares whether I do or don't!

There's living a in mess and your house being dirty and not looked after.

I don't mind a few things being left out, shoes in the hallway, towels drying on the bannister etc to living with paint chips in the paintwork, holes in the walls, kitchen cupboard doors hanging off etc

I’m a SAHM with a toddler and pre schooler (so both at home most of the time).
My house is pretty clean and tidy TBH! However DH does his fair share of housework so it doesn’t feel like a massive job for me.
I just do it as I go along mainly while the DC are playing.

You're not alone. I have an 8 month old and I struggle badly trying to get everything done!!

A house doesn't get messy with no one in it to mess it up, does it? Hence it's messier when you're at home with the kids.

Always messier if you’re at home with them.

To be honest I don’t care. The house is hygienic - the bathrooms and kitchen get cleaned daily, laundry is done to the point we all have clean clothes daily and bedsheets changed weekly.

We work, one active toddler and one on the way. I’m sick as a dog this pregnancy, and having a show home is not on my priority list.

MIL thinks I’m a slattern, my dear dad says it’s a house with a lovely atmosphere and that a few toys on the floor and sofa is he sign of a child having fun.

If you want to prioritise tidiness then that’s fine too - some people find it very important. To me, if the hygiene basics are covered and we can blast round and sortbit if anyone drops by that’s my level of Ok.

It’s not the 1950s, we should not be measuring our worth on how well we Stone our steps every morning.

We go in cycles. It's a tip and.i can't stand it anymore. Que massive blitz, it's immaculate and I'm exhausted. It gradually degenerates until it's a tip once more. Repeat cycle.

Same here. It's getting much easier to keep tidy now that both children are at school all day though - when DS2 was at home it looked like a bomb had hit the place all the time.

Also, the more time you are all at home, the more mess there will be. When the kids are at school all day and I'm out at work FT, it's easy to keep on top of as no one is there to get stuff out and make mess most of the time. School holidays = absolute chaos everywhere.

No, ours is generally pretty clean and tidy all the time. Having a messy/dirty house really stresses me out. I can't sit down and relax if it's a tip.

I try to build things into my daily routine - eg I would never leave for work in the morning with our bed unmade. I would sooner be a few minutes late. And every time I go upstairs, I look around to see if anything needs taking up and putting away.

But I do admit that we have a cleaner who does a big clean once a week, a nanny who keeps on top of the smaller things like kitchen surfaces and taking the rubbish out, a house with a playroom and a laundry room which means I can contain a lot of mess and close the door on it, and a dishwasher, which means there are never dirty plates, mugs etc out.

Our house is dreadful, we wouldn’t be out of place on one of those hoarder programmes. I don’t work and my kids are at school now, but have managed to fill up my time with other activities so I have an “excuse” for not tidying. I actually can’t face it, the task is too great. I have friends with immaculate houses, I don’t know how they do it.

Mine is. We live in a flat with an open plan kitchen/living area. Basically everything happens in this one room so it always feels cluttered. My laptop and a bunch of papers wouldn’t be problem if they were on a desk in a little study, but they’re on the kitchen table so they’re in the way if we want to sit down to have dinner. Similarly, a train set wouldn’t be in anyone’s way if we had somewhere separate to sit down in the evening from where the toddler has been playing. She could just leave it out for the next day.

I’ve got a 2 year old and a 1 month old so not really much time to do much cleaning and tidying when I’m by myself with them. Most of the cleaning has to be done at the weekend when DP and I are both around for a good amount of time.

I know you can be messy however big your house is, but with more space a lot of what is mess in our flat would just be stuff in the right place instead.

We have a newborn and a three yo and I hate how messy our house is atm. I manage to keep the bottom floor just about ok, but our bathrooms need a good clean and my bedroom where the newborn sleeps with dh and me is fucking horrendous. Seriously considering a cleaner.

My dh is very houseproud so when he's home, the house is immaculate. He does it himself so no sweat off my back.

When he's not home, the house is clean but might be a bit messy with toys out. However come bed time, the house is tidy again with all toys put away

Ah @bustopher, I assumed my house would be easier to keep tidy after living for years in flats. I’ve found the opposite to be true, but then I’ve been really slack lately.

gaurentee you will think it is worse than it is though hun.
try to give things a wipe over as you make the mess and clear as you go.
always having a washing up bowl full of kettle boiled soapy water is a little godsend to our days.sounds so simple I know ha
try as the kids get older get them to be big girl/boy and help keep things tidy.mine loved being taught how to wet the cloth and clear her drink away.magical!
get troughs for kids toys and make a get stuff put away before more is out etc.
is there anyone who could babysit for an afternoon so you can have a crash session or going over things.
introduce the kids as soon as they are able to getting thing out and clearing away so it becomes more a norm to do rather than a choe they have to be told then to do.

Mess :-(

Four DC, oldest is 11, youngest is 4. Two diagnosed with ASD, strongly suspect ADHD in a third. One of those with ASD also has a diagnosis of PDA (so, demand avoidance) and ADHD. My oldest who has ASD also scores very highly on demand avoidance. So do I, and I have poor executive function too.

So, you can imagine. None of the children ever want to help, but they're all great with making the place a bloody tip, especially the one with PDA ironically, particularly during a meltdown.

It's not as dreadful as it could be though, because DH does an okay job of tidying (when I actually do tidy, I get obsessive, so he's nowhere near my standards) and most importantly, we have a cleaner. That makes us keep the place reasonable ready for them weekly. Also the nanny keeps on top of the toys in the living room and in their bedrooms, and does most of their laundry.

I've learned to be a bit easier on myself. Most of the people with immaculate homes probably have a) the exact opposite of my demand avoidance and executive functioning fail and b) children that don't actively make the place much worse due to their SEN and c) not four children, or at the very least children who are able to help.

It's hygienic, and the floors and important surfaces are usually clear, so given the circumstances we're doing okay. Most of it is clutter on surfaces that I need to sort through but don't have the energy or time to do so.

Depends how you define "mess" and "tip" though. To my MIL, not washing your coffee mug once you've used it and immediately drying and replacing in the cupboard is a "tip". I'm more relaxed but my definition of a tip is obviously quite different from hers.

There is more to life than cleaning. I find it the most tedious and soul destroying chore so do as little as possible - I have a cleaner do most of it for me. The children are expected to keep their rooms tidy. I probably spend 10 minutes twice a day tidying, wiping or "cleaning". I don't care if MIL thinks I live in a tip because there's still a coffee cup on the table from last night (faints in horror).

I've got an almost crawling baby and about to go back to work so i've not encountered the toddler whirlwind yet! I'd say my house on the whole is cleaner than when i was at work because i'm in more so notice things more. I definitely dust more often.

I just tidy as i go and focus on a different area or two each day to do in a bit more detail. My house is never finished but nowhere is a bombsite either.

I always think it odd when people say 'my house is messy but clean' it can't be! How do you clean if there's stuff everywhere? Surely you would have to tidy to clean it! My house personally is tidy but a bit dusty and needs hoovering - far more realistic. If your house is messy it is not clean!

Our house is very tidy because I find it easier to relax and de stress in a very tidy environment.

It's not skill or hard work though, it was decluttering that sorted us. I've done the Marie Kondo thing and then read a wonderful book on minimalism by Fumio Sasaki and we have got rid of all the stuff that doesn't matter to us (kids get to keep all they want, but to regularly review what that is).

My youngest is 8 though, being tidy with a toddler is WAY harder.

I don't think it matters, as long as your house is suitably hygienic. Aim for the state that makes YOU happy.

Ours is a messy house. I have 3 children (7,5 &1) who are with me 24/7 so i never have time in my own to give it a big blitz. Drives me mad but apparantly i will miss tripping over toys when they grow up (according to my mum that is!).