To wonder if everyone lives in a mess??

[user1472151176]

I'm a SAHM and have been for the past 18 months. I have one child at school and one toddler at home with me. My house is always a mess! I'm sure my house used to be tidier when I worked 4 days a week. I genuinely believed my house would be tidier if I was at home all day but it isn't. My days fly past.
I often wonder what other peoples houses are like and if they would still be immaculate if I spontaneously 'dropped by'.
There is always food on the table and clean clothes to wear but I never seem to be able to get on top of it all.
Tell me I'm not alone ?!?!
I do have a DH. He works long hours and doesn't do any housework but he does help with the kids and cooking and gardening and tidys up the front room every night when I put the kids to bed.

No I don think everyone's house is messy. My sisters is spotless, she actually said my house should be immaculate because you never know whose going to knock on the door apparently! She doesn't think kids are an excuse for a messy house (I have 4) she said her house would be spotless even if she had 5.

I'd be interested in a psychologist enquiring into what forces of gendered socialisation mean that so many women on these threads appear 'unable to sit down if the house is messy', but make reference to male partners and spouses not suffering from this inability.

Until I read the thread last week where someone posted a photo of her ordinarily-lived-in-looking living room and asked if it was messy (and was told by virtually everyone that it was, and by a significant but vocal minority that it was 'a tip' and 'like a squat'), I never understood why the main reason so many Mumsnetters don't like unexpected visitors was because of the Horror of Someone Thinking Your House Was Untidy.

I've got 2 small children, a man child and a dog. The house is clutter free and it appears tidy most of the time, but I rarely have the time to do a proper clean sadly. I'm in and out the house like a revolving door. I wish I could have a cleaner home, but life happens and you have to prioritise. You're not alone.

Hear hear diplomatic

We must work full time, raise the kids AND keep our houses clean lest we be judged Bad Mothers, Lazy or Slatterns.

Its no wonder anxiety is epidemic. It’s no wonder men are forging ahead in their careers unhindered by this shit.

If cleaning is important to you, crack on. Frankly, if everyone’s fed, in clean clothes and the house is passably hygienic then I feel I’m doing OK. Or should I say ‘we’ be use DH does his share to, because we are adults who share a home and children.

I find people's perceptions of how easy keeping tidy is. I do think it comes more naturally to some people and they tend to be the ones who use terms like 'keeping on to of it' '5 min job' ' quick wipe down' and LaQueen's favourite 'effortless'.
I'm not naturally tidy, I understand the words and that some jobs are quick and only take minutes but it's never effortless to me. The two and five minute jobs required to keep on top of the level of tidiness I like require a lot of effort.
That's why I prefer methods such a fly lady or TOMM as they stop housework taking over my whole day.

We have that cleaner that does 2 hours a week and I tidy for 30 minutes 6 days a week and 2 hours one day a week. I have 1 day a month when I do a full days spring clean and we usually get a skip once a year to declutter. My house is spotless

We have a cleaner

I also work full time...

I don’t have any kids though so that must make a Huge difference 😂

My house is not immaculate but not messy either. Light amount of everyday mess is present. There is always one or another area to clean properly. This slight mess is not bothering me at all, though now I clean more, then in my youth days. Decluttering is done on monthly basis. Have have Stuffocation and Marie Condo book as well. Marie Condo advise "to say thank you to things" helps, I am now in the habit to say "Thank you, my nice PJ, you kept me warm and comfortable at night. I am not going to threw you on the floor, but fold nicely and put into your righful place in the drawer".

Mine gets messy easily because neither myself or dh put things away often enough. Messiness doesn't bother me too much. But I couldn't stand dirtyness. Dh brothers house is very dirty, we took our 2 dogs round there once, one of them was continuously barking at a cabinet, eventually we realised there was a piece of mouldy pizza under it but that's the norm for their house not a one off.

I think the best place to start is the laundry, once that is up to date and on top of then everything else is MUCH easier

I think one thing that helps is realising not everything needs ironing, only certain things

A big declutter obviously helps too

My house is ok ... ish ,, car ..... shocking 😩

I can cope with toys scattered around, it's the clutter that annoys me. I have created boxes as I tidy up, one for each member of the family. Sadly I still find myself putting away 3 out of the 4 but at least everything gets back to the correct room

I'd be interested in a psychologist enquiring into what forces of gendered socialisation mean that so many women on these threads appear 'unable to sit down if the house is messy', but make reference to male partners and spouses not suffering from this inability.

In our case, it's the opposite.

His standards of cleanliness are far beyond mine. When somebody is coming over, he will spend such a long time tidying and cleaning (even where they won't see) where as I don't see the need for this... So long as it's reasonably tidy and presentable.

It actually creates a lot of tension, as I don't feel I can just sit down and relax.

I’m one of the posters who can sit if the house is messy.

Nothing to do with being a woman, It only started a few years ago whereas I have been a woman for considerable longer.

Yeah, DH’s standards of cleanliness are higher than mine too. That’s why he does loads of housework, even though he works full time and I’m a SAHM.

Our house is always a mess, apart from approximately half an hour after we've tidied it.

It always looks cluttered as well even after we've tidied, because we have a lot of 'stuff'. (I sew, so there is shedloads of my sewing stuff. DH has lots of books. DS2 has lego everywhere and likes to draw. A lot. So there are always discarded sheets of A4 with random superheros on them. DS1 is the tidiest amongst us because he is a minimalist aka he only wants his electronics)

I have friends whose house always looks tidy. This is because they don't have 'stuff' like we do. Only a few recipe books, and no hobby crap everywhere. And the kids stuff stays in their rooms.

We're moving soon, and DH is praying that it won't look messy. I think this is optimistic frankly. However we will have more space. I get my own sewing room so we can shut the door on it. DS2 gets a bigger bedroom for all his lego and can fit a desk in there for his drawing. He'll still bring it all down to the living room I know he will :)

It’s rarely tidy.

Who am I to fight entropy..?

One woman's messy is another's cosy clutter...

I foster an air of cosiness, of having my "stuff" around me - stuff visibly stuffed onto bookshelves - an ornament or 2 on the mantle - alongside my glasses, a couple of candles, a pile of pound coins for busfare, a notepad and pen and a lipsalve and handcream. (I am not going to delve into a bag or drawer 10 times a day when they can go on the mantle - even if they do look "untidy")

books that have been read so often their spines are unreadable, a pile of magazines waiting to be read, a book open on the side waiting to share a quote with DH, a pile of boardgames in the corner - they will get played if we see them, not if they are hidden in a cupboard. We have a blanket or 3 on the back of the sofa - but unlike most of the clinically tidy homes of friends - we don't have a telly, our sofas face each other over a big coffee table that can hold the jigsaw mat.

I can certainly sit in a messy house - and so can all my friends. Ours is "the meeting place", the "let your hair down" place, full of teenagers playing music and eating pizza.

(we also have wallpaper and patterned carpets! and sometimes they clash)

The thing that’s saved my sanity has been decent toy storage, and being absolutely ruthless with ‘stuff’.

Seasonal items like Christmas/Easter decs etc notwithstanding; if it doesn’t get used in 6 months, it gets given away, sold or binned. I regularly go through drawers and cupboards with a bin bag in one hand and chuck just stuff out.

A lot of the time it isn’t mess in people’s houses; it’s clutter. I’ve not been in many peoples houses to find it actually dirty. More that there’s just things everywhere. You have to be absolutely ruthless. I don’t keep heaps of stuff that a lot of other people do; my mum has letters/Mother’s Day cards/pictures drawn by me in a huge box which she keeps in amber garage. It’s lovely that she’s so sentimental and I think it’s really sweet. But she could really use that space in other ways. Personally; I take photos of the good stuff my DS produces and store it in an album on iCloud, keep it for a few weeks... and then bin it.

Mine is always. I used to sit at home & try n clean on the weekends but after working all week I’m now saying sod it im enjoying the weekends out of the house.
My plan is to take a half day off during the week from work & clean when there is no one in the house then work sat afternoons instead.
I hope this will be the magic formula for me lol

Same here and realised i'm naturally not a tidy person. I can make it seem tidy for visitors but it's cluttered and everytime i open a cupboard things fall out
I have days where i put a big effort in but with 5dd it doesn't stay tidy for very long at all. Started to relax about it now after many years of worrying what people thought of my home but now i realise life is just too short and if i died tomorrow my house being immaculate isn't going to be something that matters and time wasted being prim could be better spent on making memories.
One thing i will say, i never run out of shampoo or conditioner as my cupboards are loaded

Routine routine routine....

Dishwasher is unpacked and packed as needed, lunches etc made.

I put a load of washing on before we go out to school, and put it up when we get in from our activity. Hoovering and catching all the crumbs in the kitchen/cleaning the floor etc is done before or after nap time. I dust after I've hoovered.

We only get one set of toys out at a time and tidy it before we get something else out (not strictly adhered to, but it's a start).

Drawing/eating/crafts done at the table only (apart from the odd indoor picnic or bowl of popcorn).

DH does ironing one weekend afternoon and I think that's pretty much it.