To wonder if everyone lives in a mess??

[user1472151176]

I'm a SAHM and have been for the past 18 months. I have one child at school and one toddler at home with me. My house is always a mess! I'm sure my house used to be tidier when I worked 4 days a week. I genuinely believed my house would be tidier if I was at home all day but it isn't. My days fly past.
I often wonder what other peoples houses are like and if they would still be immaculate if I spontaneously 'dropped by'.
There is always food on the table and clean clothes to wear but I never seem to be able to get on top of it all.
Tell me I'm not alone ?!?!
I do have a DH. He works long hours and doesn't do any housework but he does help with the kids and cooking and gardening and tidys up the front room every night when I put the kids to bed.

Yes, and I have to accept the humiliating reality that I am one of those people whose idea of 'tidy enough' is apparently some other people's idea of 'messy'.

I don't think it matters, as long as your house is suitably hygienic. Aim for the state that makes YOU happy.

Agree with that. The difficulty is that in our household there are three people with substantially different standards and that means that means that the one with the most attachment to clean and tidy (me) is destined to be forever disappointed,

My house is always tidy, whether I'm working full time or on maternity leave with two children. It's really not difficult.

Our house is an utter tip - we've always both been a bit crap at housework (both work full time and neither are particularly inclined to spend our precious free time doing anything more than the basics), but now we've got a toddler thrown into the mix it's chaos.

And it's worse in winter, as we have no tumble dryer - clothes everywhere. Dirty clothes waiting for the washing machine to be free, wet clothes in the washing machine waiting for the clothes on the radiator to dry, clean clothes neatly folded waiting to be taken upstairs.

I'm pretty sure we need to nuke the site from orbit and start again.

My house is always a mess. We moved in to a project and I don't think the previous owners ever cleaned. I hoover, dust, scrub regularly but still feels grubby. Is not helped by kids and cats and long hours at work and no dishwasher.... I dream of the day we can do the necessary building work and get it properly clean. Think we are a couple of years away unfortunately

I'm pretty sure we need to nuke the site from orbit and start again.

it’s a flawless plan!

I always think it odd when people say 'my house is messy but clean' it can't be!

No i think it can. Hoover and mop the floor on Saturday night, it’s clean. Child tips an entire drawer of toys all over it/builds an elaborate duplo tunnel for his cars/decamps to sofa with some cuddly toys and a toy digger etc - It’s still clean, it’s just messy.

Clean is dirt, mess is moveable stuff.
I guess you get to a point you can’t clean around mess if there’s too much of it, but the day day moveable ‘pile of toys and books on the floor and sofa and table’ is compatible with clean.

Everyone’s definition is different. I doubt many men spend time at work fretting over the difference. It only seems to be women held accountable for the state of the Home, regardless of the woman working too :/

Mine is pretty tidy, but we have 7 dogs so as you can imagine, I spend a lot of time cleaning. Mopping, Sweeping, hoovering is done every day, dusting and washing dogs beds once a week, grooming dogs to try and keep the hair pandemic under control!

If I didn't do this, the house would be absolutely disgusting. Visitors are surprised at just how clean and nice smelling the house is. It's absolutely knackering though

DH does all the housework, I do all the childcare. Before the DC were at school, I wouldn't have had time to do housework, especially with DS2, as he needs constant supervision.

I've said it on here before but the people I know with immaculate houses apply to one or more of the following,
They or a majority of the family are out of the house for the majority of the time work, sports, activities etc,
They have spent all day cleaning/tidying for your visit,
They don't cook much, they eat out, ready meals, frozen food, those prep done cook yourself type things,
They don't have children or pets/children have left home,
They have a cleaner,
They have a playroom and or excellent storage,
They redecorate a lot,
They are constantly cleaning/tidy, you finish your drink they are up and off putting in the dishwasher, you stand up they are plumping your cushion, if they have kids they are hovering behind them wiping, tidying toys etc which is quite a stressful way to be.

There's bound to be a few people who will say none of the above apply but I've never come across anyone in RL who doesn't meet at least one criteria usually more.

My house isn't immaculate, it needs decorating badly but it is very clean/tidy and I'm a SAHM to school age children so the first applies to me. When I had toddlers/babies at home it was messy.
I recommend The Organised Mum Method for helping you focus and not think about housework all day.

Temporary 'mess' doesn't mean not clean. When DS is playing, there are toys all over the floor, probably my empty teacup on the side, cushions everywhere etc. Definitely messy. When we're getting ready to go out, the toys all get thrown in a large basket, cushions get put back and the cup goes in the dishwasher. Takes two minutes. The room gets hoovered daily when he goes to bed and dusted twice a week. Another two minutes.

They have a playroom

This is the only one that applies to me! A small thing but it does make a massive difference.

And add to that ‘has a utility room’... that also helps.

Could have written this post! I am also a naturally untidy person and so is DH. It really stresses me out. Part of my problem is that our house really needs some renovation. We still have white coloured cheap carpets in some of the rooms from the previous owner. They look a state even when I have tidied. If we could afford it I would get a cleaner.

When I lived at home with my parents pre-marriage I always said I would never ever live in a mess,we had 5 of us in one bedroom until I was 12yrs old so imagine the mess.
Once my 3 where born OH and I both worked him shifts me part-time until youngest was 4 then full time,we have always worked to-gether keeping on top of things the kids doing their own tidy on a Saturday and the boys learning to iron and do laundry so they now both live in tidy homes.
Now the kids have gone we live in a very tidy bungalow which takes just a couple of hours to do each room 2/3 times a week.

I hate housework so have maintained a decluttered house,the spare bedroom however has become a bit of a junk room which gets sorted when people come to stay.Because the house in general is clear a little bit ilof temporary stuff just makes it looked lived in .
But then I no longer have exh whose idea was to put things on the kitchen table(car engines or other oily piece of junk),I wasn't allowed to move it as it was only going to be there for a few days, I'd still be nagging months later.

My home is always clean and tidy BUT it's easy when the youngest dc is 15 and there are only three of us in a large four bed house. It was far less tidy (always tried to ensure it was clean) when the four dc were younger simply because of the clutter that came with having young dc.

@abigail

I wish I was more like you! We lived in a ‘tidy enough’ house growing up and that seems to be all I can manage at the moment.

After seeing this thread today though, I’ve called a cleaning company. We can just about afford it temporarily, while the toddler and baby are still so little, (and I’m so slack - can’t really blame dh, who works full time while I’m at home with the children. And actually, the eldest goes to nursery a few mornings a week . Shamed by this thread).

Ours is a mess. I'm not naturally hugely tidy but I'm not too bad. DH is much worse than me (though he would probably deny it!). It winds us both up, though me more than him, so we're both working to improve things, mostly though decluttering and making sure we have the right furniture for the stuff we want to keep. It's a slow process but we're making progress at last. I'm getting glimpses of how our house could look, and I'm starting to fall back in love with it.

A small thing that has made a big and unexpected difference for us is that our cleaner changed the day that she comes to us (and I know not everyone has this luxury, but she's worth her weight in gold to me!). She now comes at the start of the week not the end, and since we're out at work (with DD at nursery) during the week, we seem to keep on top of things better for longer, things dip at the weekends when we're all there to create carnage, and then she's back to magically fix everything.

I think going out to work most days keeps a house tidier. I have Wednesdays off with toddler DS and the house is a tip on that day, fine the other four days I work.

Totally agree Notso
Utility rooms and playrooms can hide an awful lot of mess.
And being out at work all day, inherently creates a tidier house!
When I worked f/t, I did far less housework than I do now. In fact I feel more jaded trying to fit a few part time commitments together, than I did when I simply wasn't here full stop.
Some of my neighbour mums work p/t, and they'll leave in the mornings looking suited & booted while the Molly maid and laundry service vans rock up and do their job. How nice that would be to come home to, instead of haring around with the hoover & mop, while cooking dinner, helping with homework and running the bath!

You’re not alone! Mine is a TIP. I can hoover up to 4 times a day, some days. Constantly cleaning, 3 small DC will just get it all back out instantly. Or cleaning one room whilst they’re trashing the other.

4 year old has SEN and trashes everything/ tips everything out of every where so spend the time he’s at school putting everything back away. By the time I’ve done that I haven’t got the time to do any proper cleaning so it’s a quick sweep and then he’s back from school & repeat.

Slowly getting used to my house won’t be tidy until the kids are older. (have no help so no one can watch the babies whilst I organise the place and hide everything so he can’t do it. And they’re too fussy to go down whilst I do all that atm)

I'm obsessive about keeping our house tidy and clean as for a long time it wasn't.I prefer it now and I find if I tidy as I go and do a room at a time it keeps on top of it

Yes to utility room. I wouldn't want to be without one. I think enough space for the people in the family/stuff you have is probably another factor.
I have a friend with 3 DC aged 7/5 and 3 who has just moved from a house with two reception rooms/three bedrooms to a house with three reception rooms/four bedrooms. The difference is amazing and she said they have only got rid of a few old baby toys/clothes.

I have about eleventh billion copies of farmers bastarding guardian because DH won’t get rid of them!!

I keep sorting the kids toys out yet the still have enough to fill a bloody toy shop.

We are currently calving cows and the only time I’m in the house is to sleep (which we’re not getting much of at the moment), Cook and eat. You can forget cleaning! It’s on the back burner for the next month or two.

I seriously wouldn’t worry, out of all o the people commenting on this thread, I can guarantee you that my house is the most untidy, hands down!!