Aibu or is he?

[Pissedoff4]

Today I went shopping, took elderly neighbour with a broken arm with me too, so she could get some bits.

DP works nights and was in bed asleep. Got back about 12.30, neighbour came in, as I had to carry her shopping over, while I unpacked.

Got a text message from DP, while unpacking, of a middle finger emoji, thought he must be joking.

Anyhow, neighbour asked could I make her a sandwich, as she has broken her right arm and struggles with her left. Which I did, also made coffee and took a cup up for DP, gave him kiss etc.

While neighbour is eating her sandwich, DP comes down and says ‘are you having a fucking laugh’. I said if you want a sandwich just ask and il make one. He says ‘I’ve been a work all fucking night, if I want something il know to do it myself in future’.

Ive just asked if he wants to apologise and he thinks he has nothing to apologise for and I am ‘inconsiderate’ for not making him a sandwich.

I’ve basically told him he is being an arse and to grow up.

Your thoughts aibu, feel like a 12 year old, bloody sandwichgate. But he needs to apologise!

4.5 hours is really not a full shift.
When I worked nights I left home at 8pm worked all night with just a half hour break and got back home at 9am.
Still had shopping and cooking to do as well.
He has no excuse for such rude behaviour at all.

One of the worst things about this is that he can’t even see what he’s done wrong ?! Fuck sake, it’s not acceptable to come downstairs and be so bloody rude! And if he was up from 4.30-6 he could of made his own slice of toast!

My son also has sen and gets collected at 7.45 every school morning, my partner asked me to make him egg on toast before he went to work the other day, I said no I haven’t got time ... and do you know what? That was the end of it, he didn’t bitch like a twat later on either!

I’d be fuming if my partner spoke to me like that in front of your elderly neighbor!! It must of made them feel so awkward!

He's a petulant child. I would be reconsidering my relationship. Horrible man.

I'm still puzzled about what stops him putting a piece of bread into a toaster for himself. Am I reading it correctly, that when you failed to make him toast at 6 a.m. he just went without? What's his explanation for that?

why is he getting up at 1230 just tell him to lie in

my dh does 12 hour night shifts yes he is grumpy doesnt say much when gets up but doesnt demand i make his dinner toast or coffee he does his own

he needs to realise its not all about him

Get him to read the rest of the thread!

I think he needs to focus on getting a good long sleep, and stop focusing his energy on getting wound up about with you about food.

Mental exercise for OP's DH - imagine you live alone. Now, what do you do to make the night shifts work best for you?

Now, do that, like the responsible grown-up you are, and, if your DW helps you out, be grateful!

Pyong that is exactly it I think!

“Ive been a work all fucking night” as if I do nothing! I told him I don’t have time between 6 and 6.30 to make toast. I’m trying to get ds up and ready. He said that is nonsense I must have at least 5 minutes to do it! Everyone else comes before him!

He apologised yesterday for the way he spoke to me, but still thinks I was inconsiderate!

For those asking

He usually gets in about 4.30 and goes straight to sleep. Wakes up about 12.30/1. I make him coffee, usually eat at 2pm. Dinner about 6.30/7. He usually goes back to sleep again and has a snack before he leaves at 10.

I plan my day around his sleep, not making too much noise etc and ds getting home from school. I leave hoovering etc until he is awake. If I go shopping I try to time this so I am getting back at a time he is awake, so I don’t disturb him.

What he doesn't seem to get is that it's perfectly reasonable for you to put other things before making toast for a grown man who is perfectly capable of making it for himself.

He't getting a lot of sleep, isn't he? 8 hours when he gets in from work, plus another hour or two in the evenings? Maybe he could sleep for a few minutes less and organise his own food?

Apparently it’s not about the toast or sandwich, it’s about my having no thought for him. In fact, I’d say the opposite! We are going in circles. We don’t argue often, however when we do this always seems to be the underlying cause.

I told him, he had an hour and half in which to make toast and coffee, before I got up. He said he didn’t as he is ‘considerate’ and didn’t want to wake me. I had to laugh! Our toaster doesn’t scream or anything

He obviously thought asking me for coffee and toast as soon as I’d opened my eyes, coming downstairs, swearing over a sandwich, particularly in front of neighbour, was far more ‘considerate’ than using a toaster

He is still in bed now, watching TV, he hasn’t moved (his last night shift was Thursday night). I’ve made breakfast (in bed for him) 3 coffees (in bed) hoovered, washed floors, done washing, washed up, been to the shop etc. Yet I have ‘no thought’ for him.

All of which I don’t mind doing. But don’t bloody whine and moan about me being ‘inconsiderate’.

I done it to prove a point. I don’t put up with no shit. I’ve still had the hump about him only apologising for how he spoke to me. He needed to acknowledge and apologise.

I just asked him if he would like to reconsider his I’m ‘inconsiderate’ etc comments. He said he already apologised. So I spelt it out for him and got him to repeat back ‘I acted like a selfish dick and I was wrong’ act like a child and I will treat you like one.

I would have no problem with going the other way either and showing him what ‘inconsiderate’ looks like, if he refused to apologise! However, doing it this way, would probably involve disturbing his sleep and more arguments.

(In fairness, he did make me coffee in bed, yesterday when he apologised for how he spoke to me) I should have asked for toast too

Op - your last post is really sad - you're enabling him to behave like this.

How should I handle it Staples? What would you have done? Genuinely interested, I hate having an atmosphere. I like to try and reach desired outcome ie an apology and acknowledgment with the minimal amount of arguments.

He knows you like to reach desired outcome asap. He can act like a total arse as long as he wants to as you will be the one to smooth it all over and he gets what he wants. ie putting him first as he told you to.
Just tell him exactly what you want.

1. Stop asking you to do/make things he can do for himself, You are busy and have plenty to do.

2.Stop acting like king of the world, no one died and made him king.

Have you posted about him before being a wanker ?

Or is there more than one MNer with an idiot partner not really working a night shift....12/1 til 4pm is half a shift.

However, why on earth didn't you make him coffee and toast?

Really, sometimes I despair. But , ok, lets count up, how often has he made you tea and toast?

Thought not.

How often has he been a bit cross that you are doing something kind for someone other than him?

Thought so.

Troels ok I will make those points crystal clear.

I have never made him toast or a sandwich at those times. I thought it was a given. He eats when I make food for us both. If he wants to eat in between, then he makes it himself.

Old I haven’t posted about him before. In fact I wouldn’t usually post about him. It was just he said something along the lines of it’s not just him who would think I was ‘inconsiderate’ (I think he probably texted one of his mates, as his phone was beeping)

it’s about my having no thought for him

Ah, yes, because, obvs. The world actually revolves around him when he is working.

Glad to read you have called him out on it. Hope he can break the habit, how would you respond if he did it again? Not to say he will, just that you have a chance to think rationally about an appropriate response. All the best

The finger emoji and the swearing at me would be the end for me. Shows no respect at all.

He can definitely make his own sandwiches in future if he's going to be like that, oh and every other fucking meal too!!!