Aibu or is he?

[Pissedoff4]

Today I went shopping, took elderly neighbour with a broken arm with me too, so she could get some bits.

DP works nights and was in bed asleep. Got back about 12.30, neighbour came in, as I had to carry her shopping over, while I unpacked.

Got a text message from DP, while unpacking, of a middle finger emoji, thought he must be joking.

Anyhow, neighbour asked could I make her a sandwich, as she has broken her right arm and struggles with her left. Which I did, also made coffee and took a cup up for DP, gave him kiss etc.

While neighbour is eating her sandwich, DP comes down and says ‘are you having a fucking laugh’. I said if you want a sandwich just ask and il make one. He says ‘I’ve been a work all fucking night, if I want something il know to do it myself in future’.

Ive just asked if he wants to apologise and he thinks he has nothing to apologise for and I am ‘inconsiderate’ for not making him a sandwich.

I’ve basically told him he is being an arse and to grow up.

Your thoughts aibu, feel like a 12 year old, bloody sandwichgate. But he needs to apologise!

This is much ado about nothing. Consider yourselves lucky if a sandwich is what you have to get pissed off about. Think of all the good you have in your lives and appreciate it
I get your point in principle but this isn't about the sandwich, nobody should be treated like that.

Yuck, what a man child! Do you normally wait on him? Does he ever cook for u?!

What a prize twat. You are so lucky OP

He swore at you in front of the neighbour because he's a wanky toddler who wanted mummy to make him a sandwich RIGHT (stamps foot) FUCKING (throws himself on the floor) NOWWWW (screams in red faced anger) and he thinks you're unreaonable? Wow.

Regardless of who made or didn't make who a sandwich or toast or whatever, your h is bang out-of-order for behaving so badly and swearing like that at all in front of a guest, particularly an elderly one.

Yes I think he's out of order however I would have made the coffee and toast at 6 as I was making breakfast anyway.
My husband got woke up at 11am from a night shift to me shouting omg omg omg Ds had drawn in sharpie on kitchen cupboards (currently selling house) 🙈 I got away lightly with making him a brew 😂

Haven been on nights and had a Partner who didn't appreciate the toil it takes on you, i can sympathise with him a little.

Couldn't you have gone to your neighbors for lunch?

How long would it have meant that he slept? and are you ok with him bringing someone in at 2am and bringing you up a drink?

X post, so it was about the sandwich. He should speak to you properly and not be sarcastic and sweary.

He was very, very rude to you in front of your neighbour and that deserves an apology.

However, why on earth didn't you make him coffee and toast? He'd been working all night whilst you were sleeping. I'd expect my dp (or even myself, actually) to take a while to wind down after work and if that means fancying toast/coffee 1.5 hours later then so be it. People in loving relationships tend to look after one another in this way.

If my dh spoke to me like that and sent me a text with a middle finger our marriage would be finished.
It is so utterly disrespectful.
How dare he expect you to be waiting on him when he has two arms and two legs and could easily do this himself.
Sorry op but the very fact he thinks this is normal and unworthy of an apology says it all.
You sound very nice helping your neighbour btw

He doesn’t want to read the thread anymore!

Starlighter not wait on him, he works, I am a carer for my son. I don’t mind a balance ie if he works then I cook etc. But when I cook, not when he demands and strops!

Was your neighbour still there when he came down? I mean it's appalling either way...

Since when was texting someone a middle finger emoji a suitable alternative to politely asking them to keep the noise down as you're trying to sleep? I'd be horrified if my DP did this.

I'm always amazed by the number of people on here who seem to have very unpleasant partners who swear at them on a regular basis. It's depressing.

I've worked weird hours in my time (03:30-09:00, then 15:00 to 21:00) two days a week, but I don't think I ever had a tantrum over someone not making me a sandwich I hadn't asked for when I was asleep, or complained that I hadn't had a coffee made for me when I should have been winding down to go to sleep.

You sound like a good sort, OP. Your husband may be a bit out of whack with new hours, but he owes you an apology.

Brutus I had to get my son ready for school. He has special needs. It takes some time. It’s not easy.

I often work nights.

I think he’s very rude, incidentally I spend my nights working with the effects caused by type of men who think it’s cool to treat their partners like that

Celebelly, we were not making much noise (well only usual noise) Both my neighbour and I knew he was sleeping, so we’re trying to be as quiet as possible.

I’m not even sure what the middle finger was for, whether it was toast or noise related!

What a coarse, unpleasant man.

Being woken mid-sleep is awful and should be avoided if possible but that doesn't seem to be the issue. Nothing explains his rudeness.

I should add at 6, I’m not making breakfast.

To be entirely honest, at 6 I wake my son for the first time. Put the kettle on and make coffee (no problem with taking DP a coffee up, if he does ask, although he is usually asleep by the time I take it up!)

I like to have a coffee and chill for just a few minutes before the mayhem of trying to get ds up, dressed, breakfast etc. To keep me sane!

To give you some idea, I get up at 6, Ds’s taxi for school arrives at 7.45. Half the time ds still isn’t even dressed. It’s a battle!

Why couldn't you make it when you make your ds breakfast?

My ds often doesn’t have time for breakfast! I’m still trying to get him dressed!

My dh works nights. He eats cereal when he gets home at 7.30 then goes to bed (I’ve left for work by then). He is BUmif he expects food when you’re getting your dd ready for school.

If I’m off work when he’s on nights, I would not bring someone to the house. Why didn’t you take the neighbour home to put her shopping away? Making sandwiches in your house for her etc is a bit unreasonable , IMO. I would have dropped her home and done it there.

If your dh swore at you in front of the neighbour, he’s a twat. Is this his first time on nights? It takes a while to adjust, but he needs to get on and do his own thing, not rely on you when you’re sorting out your ds and helping the neighbour.

Anyhow it’s pathetic! I’m sitting in the kitchen, him in the living room. Not talking over toast, sandwiches!

Both thinking we owe apologises. The adult in me wants to say let’s just forget about it’s ridiculous. Kiss and make up etc. However the stubborn in me is saying don’t put up with this shit, if you do, it will continue!

Which devil on the shoulder do I listen to!?

I'd be not talking to him because of the swearing and the finger emoji! If he wants you to apologise for bringing the neighbour to yours when you could have gone next door, that would be reasonable. If he wants you to apologise for not making him breakfast when you're busy with your son and he could have easily made it him yourself, he's being unreasonable. If he wants you to apologise for not making him a sandwich when you didn't know he wanted one and weren't making one for yourself, he's being unreasonable. It may, however, have been nice to ask him if he was hungry when you took him a coffee, but it wasn't as though you had even made yourself one, so you weren't being horrible either. Either way, he definitely needs to apologise for speaking to you that way. Honestly, that would make me blood boil.