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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Say something in behalf of my pregnant sister?

121 replies

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:18

Sorry this is long I’m trying to give as much info so I’m not drip feeding.

My parents are comfortable, own their own home and spend money on lots of nice things for themselves including holidays etc. which is fair enough they work hard.

My sister lives with them, she pays board money to live there (quite a lot actually). She is training at the moment so this money includes food and bills as she doesn’t have much left over. What she does have she’s trying to save to move out as she is pregnant.

I’ve not lived at home since I was a teenager and I now live with my own children including one who is a teenager himself. I moved out young as I couldnt stand how tight and controlling my parents can be.

I feel bad for my sister as my parents will not buy her food she needs to stay healthy for the baby. They just buy frozen ready meals and dispite her asking, no vegetables, drinks or meat (her iron levels are low). She’s spending extra on food but really can’t afford it and is getting down about it all. She’s even borrowing money off her boyfriend to buy lunches.

Should I say something to my mum and Dad? I feel like I should as she’s a lot younger than me (22 and I’m in my late 30s). This is my nephew or niece and I feel they should give more of a shit as it’s their grandchild.

She’s tried talking to them but they just tell her to move out then.

Aibu to get involved?

OP posts:
Makingworkwork · 16/03/2018 15:20

It does not sound like they will change. Can she move in with her partner?

NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 16/03/2018 15:20

No I don't think YABU. Odd though. And they're right, if she doesn't like it she could just move out. How much is she paying them as a percentage of her income? Do you think they're financially abusing/exploiting her?

thecatsarecrazy · 16/03/2018 15:21

Whats going to happen when the baby comes. She can't go on like that. What if she needs formula milk? Oh no dear it's to expensive

HarrietKettle · 16/03/2018 15:21

Well, yes, sorry to be harsh but if she doesn't like the food on the menu, she either sorts her own or moves out.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 16/03/2018 15:21

Could she stay with you and save for a place of her own? Feeding one extra with a family won't be too much and you can support her before +after the birth!! Wouldn't be for long if she wasn't handing over it all every week!!

NapQueen · 16/03/2018 15:22

Yanbu. Could she ask what their rate would be for room and utilities only?

Trinity66 · 16/03/2018 15:23

Can she not move in with you? There's nothing you can do about her arrangement with your parents, it is their house tbf

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:25

I don’t think they will change either Sad that’s why I don’t know if it’s worth me saying anything.

She really can’t afford to move out at the moment I don’t think as she needs a save a bit more first. But it’s looking like her only option tbh.

Her boyfriend lives with his parents and has small step siblings so there really isn’t much room, especially with a baby on the way.

I think they could be financially abusing her. They take a lot of her money and are quite controlling at times even though they don’t really need the money themselves. I could get it a bit more if they were struggling.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 16/03/2018 15:26

If she pays board, and food is included, then yes, your parents should buy stuff that she can eat.

But you know they won't already. So she needs to pay room and utilities only and buy her own food.

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:26

There’s 5 of us in a tiny house so her moving in here really isn’t an option otherwise I would tell her to move here ASAP lol

OP posts:
HarrietKettle · 16/03/2018 15:27

What's she planning to do when the baby comes?

harlaandgoddard · 16/03/2018 15:27

I wouldn’t blame you if you did but I don’t think it would achieve anything.

NapQueen · 16/03/2018 15:28

Has she registered for social housing?

How much money does she pass to your parents?

strawberrysparkle · 16/03/2018 15:28

Can she not pay them less board and buy her own food to cook and eat? It is hard being pregnant without her worrying about her diet and finances.

BarbarianMum · 16/03/2018 15:31

If she is paying the same or more than renting a room in a shared house then she should move out (and can afford to). If she isn't, they are not financially abusing her.

NerrSnerr · 16/03/2018 15:33

How much are they taking from her? Is she planning on moving with her boyfriend or by herself?

harlaandgoddard · 16/03/2018 15:34

Either way I’d be advising her to move out ASAP or before the baby comes at least. If she can’t save much anyway then she has nothing to gain from staying there?

In the mean time she could pay £100 less or whatever it costs to feed herself and buy all her own food.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2018 15:41

I'd tell her to move out. I'd help her to move out. Her BF needs to man the hell up.

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:42

I suggested she buys her own food but she says they just eat it Shock. She bought some bits last week and my dad took it to work for his lunch!

If she moved out with her boyfriend I think they could just about manage but it would be very tight. I told her that’s how we started and got no help and we survived. Think it’s a big leap for her as she’s the youngest sibling so moving out is a bit scary for her. I’m just glad I wasn’t pregnant until after I left lol

I’m going to talk to my brother and see what he thinks. Another poor sod they fleeced for cash before he’d had enough lol

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2018 15:43

How much are they taking from her?

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:43

She gives about 80% of her earnings to them :(

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 16/03/2018 15:45

She needs to move out. If it's tight with her boyfriend, it's at least her own choice of tight and not because they take her stuff.

WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK · 16/03/2018 15:48

Could you buy her a mini fridge for her bedroom & get a lock for it? They go quite cheap on eBay & other selling sites. At least that way the food she does buy will not get taken by your parents. Short term solution?

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2018 15:49

On NMW at her age that would be about £800 a month!
That is financial abuse.
How much does she have in savings? She could move out on pay day!

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:50

The fridge maybe a good idea yes. I’ve even invited her round so I can feed her and sent her home with leftovers lol

OP posts: