Say something in behalf of my pregnant sister?

[Numberonecook]

Sorry this is long I’m trying to give as much info so I’m not drip feeding.

My parents are comfortable, own their own home and spend money on lots of nice things for themselves including holidays etc. which is fair enough they work hard.

My sister lives with them, she pays board money to live there (quite a lot actually). She is training at the moment so this money includes food and bills as she doesn’t have much left over. What she does have she’s trying to save to move out as she is pregnant.

I’ve not lived at home since I was a teenager and I now live with my own children including one who is a teenager himself. I moved out young as I couldnt stand how tight and controlling my parents can be.

I feel bad for my sister as my parents will not buy her food she needs to stay healthy for the baby. They just buy frozen ready meals and dispite her asking, no vegetables, drinks or meat (her iron levels are low). She’s spending extra on food but really can’t afford it and is getting down about it all. She’s even borrowing money off her boyfriend to buy lunches.

Should I say something to my mum and Dad? I feel like I should as she’s a lot younger than me (22 and I’m in my late 30s). This is my nephew or niece and I feel they should give more of a shit as it’s their grandchild.

She’s tried talking to them but they just tell her to move out then.

Aibu to get involved?

Wtf? Don't think I deserved that! You were querying if an abuse victim can also be an adult, working etc many are.

I asked a genuine question as I don't make assumptions. Those of us who have experienced childhood abuse have a different frame of reference to others and you were writing as if this young women had gone from a normal childhood into suddenly being abused in adulthood which is very unlikely particularly given OP'S comments re her and brother leaving ASAP

It's so very patronising to tell people to 'grow up' or be 'an adult'. OP's sister is obviously both but in a difficult situation.

Thanks for everyone’s suggestions. I have spoken to my brother and he’s agreed if i can help her with furniture etc he will lend her some money towards her deposit etc until she’s on her feet.

My parents are extreamly difficult and both me and my brother left with no children and could litterally Just go anywhere with only ourselves to think about. I was very lucky that my OH has extreamly supportive parents that helped us (and continue to do so) a lot. My brother has really struggled with depression because of a difficult childhood and had done amazingly under the circumstances.

They seem to take the piss a bit more with my sister but it’s like they’ve got inside her head and she doesn’t see being treated like a mug as bad as it is.

I think it’s so easy to remember how we did it but I genuinely think it was easier back then. We got social housing straight away and we’re able to get housing benefit etc. She will have to pay a deposit and a few months rent upfront as she has no credit history and no perminnant contract at work.

Her boyfriend doesn’t have a perm job either and his family situation is complicated.

Again thank you for all your advice and hopefully she will be ok. My original question was should I talk to my parents about it but after talking to my OH when he got home he raised the point it might make it worse for her so I’m gonna keep quiet.

OP, you're a great sister, it's great that you and your brother are supporting her in this way. It's very hard to move away when you have controlling parents, and they are keeping your sister trapped by taking so much from her in rent.

She does need to get herself on the social housing list, I'm sure she must be a priority case, as she is a vulnerable adult with a baby on the way.

It's very hard for people that haven't come from abusive backgrounds to understand the toll it takes on your self-esteem and your ability to stand up to your abusers. It's clear that it's taken a toll on you and your brother as well, you would find helpful advice and support on the Stately Homes thread on the relationships board.

Not surprised your parents can afford nice holidays, it's being funded by your sister, poor girl, sounds like she is very lucky to have you and her brother :)
I agree she needs to move out, being pregnant isn't ideal but like you said these things happen.
Why is everyone being arsey tonight with their comments

That sounds like a great solution you've come up with op. It's good you're all sticking together and supporting each other.

You might want to look on local
Facebook pass it on and selling groups for furniture and encourage your sister to join some local pass it on sites for baby things.

Your sister is lucky to have such caring siblings.

I think people are being arsey with their comments because the OP's sister got pregnant and they think she and her boyfriend should have been more careful? That's obviously true, but it's happened now. And it's not exactly unusual, is it??

You were querying if an abuse victim can also be an adult, working etc many are

Of course I wasn't. I was telling you not to decide this woman was being abused and treat her like a child. Her own sister told you that you were wrong!

I don’t know if it’s been said, but if she is not moving because of lack of a deposit she can apply to the council for a ‘discretionary housing payment’. There is also help with furniture.

Check out freecycle for the fridge and furniture too - lots of good stuff going for free if you can collect.

Sideways

1 you don't get to tell me what to THINK or say that on here

2 WHERE did the op 'tell me I was wrong'???

If you are in the north east I can help wth some free furniture.

The suggestions for Facebook pages and freecycle are good. Especially useful for baby things. Gumtree is a selling site but sometimes things are very cheap or free on there too and while old fashioned/rarely used also check postcard ads in newsagents etc (inc for house shares)

Does she have many mates?

Some see it as tacky but throwing a baby shower (and inviting absolutely everyone she ever knew :o) would help her out with some baby things.

Invite her partner's cousins/aunts/nieces too.

Thanks everyone. We have got together today and sorted through things to get the ball rolling. Including speaking to my friend who’s sister has a baby and she has lots of baby things she can have.

I’ve reveived pms offering baby things and we are extremely grateful but hopefully she will be sorted now. She seems to be more positive

Hope so number, glad you are there for her.

Sounds like she has great support from her siblings at least. If she just didn't pay next month would that buy her a month to get sorted? Would they kick her out straightaway or might she be able to put them off for a bit? It would be £800 She could add to the kitty.

Your poor sister, sounds like a shitty situation. Good job she has her siblings to help. I hope everything goes well and you can help get her sorted.
Food wise, I would get her to store fruit etc in her room for the time being. Anything that doesn't need refrigeration. I would be very tempted to order her a small food shop weekly to be delivered when she was home (and preferably when your parents are not if possible) or send her a £20 voucher weekly if you can afford it yourself. Get her a lockable box she can use to store her bits and bobs.
The very best of luck to your sister!

Sounds great things moving forward really well

That’s one thing they won’t eat fruit and veg lol! So I’ve stocked her up