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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Say something in behalf of my pregnant sister?

121 replies

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:18

Sorry this is long I’m trying to give as much info so I’m not drip feeding.

My parents are comfortable, own their own home and spend money on lots of nice things for themselves including holidays etc. which is fair enough they work hard.

My sister lives with them, she pays board money to live there (quite a lot actually). She is training at the moment so this money includes food and bills as she doesn’t have much left over. What she does have she’s trying to save to move out as she is pregnant.

I’ve not lived at home since I was a teenager and I now live with my own children including one who is a teenager himself. I moved out young as I couldnt stand how tight and controlling my parents can be.

I feel bad for my sister as my parents will not buy her food she needs to stay healthy for the baby. They just buy frozen ready meals and dispite her asking, no vegetables, drinks or meat (her iron levels are low). She’s spending extra on food but really can’t afford it and is getting down about it all. She’s even borrowing money off her boyfriend to buy lunches.

Should I say something to my mum and Dad? I feel like I should as she’s a lot younger than me (22 and I’m in my late 30s). This is my nephew or niece and I feel they should give more of a shit as it’s their grandchild.

She’s tried talking to them but they just tell her to move out then.

Aibu to get involved?

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2018 15:50

Whereabouts in the UK is she?

sixtimesseven · 16/03/2018 15:50

she's borrowing money off her boyfriend to buy lunches

Wtf? It's his kid and he 'lends' her money for food meanwhile the grandparents are expected to support a baby that clearly was not planned for? Maybe they feel the father of the child ought to take some responsibility?

She's having a baby, she needs to grow up and her boyfriend needs to man up.

sidewayswithatescotrolley · 16/03/2018 15:51

The thing is, and adult living with parents to save money isn't in a position to tell them what to buy foodwise. How much board is she actually paying?

LonginesPrime · 16/03/2018 15:52

She gives about 80% of her earnings to them

Which is why she can't afford to move out. She needs to stop giving them money and move out, however she can make that happen.

ghostyslovesheets · 16/03/2018 15:53

I was just going to say what Six said - 'borrowing money' off her BF - he's the child's father - he should be supporting her as much as anyone

Yes your parents aren't being very nice or supportive but if they want a baby the pair of them need to sort out finance etc between them

Original poster

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:53

Oh he doesn’t ask for it back lol. She’s asking for money and he just gives her it. Sorry borrow isn’t the word lol. He’s an apprentice so he’s not even on min wage (he’s only 20). And I know they should of thought of all this before she got pregnant but these things happen.

OP posts:

Idontdowindows · 16/03/2018 15:53

she needs to grow up and her boyfriend needs to man up.

isn't in a position to tell them what to buy foodwise

Did you two miss the bit where her parents actually steal her food and where she is paying 80% of her income in board?

OlennasWimple · 16/03/2018 15:53

She's having a baby, she needs to grow up and her boyfriend needs to man up

This, really. She's 22, not 16.

I know it's easier said than done, but why isn't she cooking her own food? If she can't afford to live at home, how will she afford to live on her own? How will she afford to look after the baby?

RatherBeRiding · 16/03/2018 15:54

Don't waste your breath on your parents. Your sister and her BF should find somewhere to rent and apply for social housing immediately. They would be well talking to the benefits people as well urgently to help them understand their position, what they can afford, where they stand with housing etc.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 16/03/2018 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShutYourIgnorantBitchyMouth · 16/03/2018 15:57

Do you rent or own?
Do you have a partner?

If you rent then could you and your sister find somewhere big enough for all of you and move there?

Or could you help your sis with first month rent and deposit so she can move out?

Original poster

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 15:58

Oh you don’t have to tell me lol. I was only asking if I should say something about the amount they take from her.

I was 17 when I moved out. I was earning waaay less than minimum wage as an apprentice and my boyfriend was a student. We lived in social housing with no carpets and heating. We lived off frozen pizzas.

I know sometimes you have to do this whilst you eat sorted and I’ve told her this. I still feel sorry for her and I still think they are being too harsh on her.

OP posts:

Sarahjconnor · 16/03/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 16:00

Me and my partner own a tiny house with three children. One of which is a 6ft tall teenager. Of course we would let her stay if it was an emergency but her living here full time isn’t really possible.

OP posts:

Pinkvoid · 16/03/2018 16:00

Your parents sound like arseholes.

She needs to find somewhere to stay temporarily until her and her boyfriend have saved enough for a deposit and months rent up front. Could you let her sleep on your sofa? Or could her boyfriend or some friends of hers perhaps? Another relation even? She urgently needs to stop draining 80% of her hard earned cash on those pieces of shit. She would probably have enough money within two months I’d say.

Oh and while she is living there she needs a mini fridge in her bedroom and to buy her own food. I had to resort to that when I had roommates that constantly stole my food.

sixtimesseven · 16/03/2018 16:01

Ugh your parents are pretty rotten and I do feel for her my parents were utter shits. I moved out when I was 19 and paid my own way through uni. It was very hard but you have to do it!

She will be much better off out of there however she manages it.

Original poster

Numberonecook · 16/03/2018 16:01

I think il buy her a fridge and fill it with food for the time being

OP posts:

onedayiwillmissthis · 16/03/2018 16:03

So she pays 80% of her wages to them for bed and board.

How much is that actually though?

You say she is studying...so is she also working full time or only part-time? In which case aren't your parents possibly financially supporting her?

The actual amount she is contributing is relevant.

OlennasWimple · 16/03/2018 16:06

I think il buy her a fridge and fill it with food for the time being

That's a sweet suggestion, but doesn't actually address any fo the problems...

sixtimesseven · 16/03/2018 16:06

I guess she better put a lock on the fridge!

MotherOfWurzel · 16/03/2018 16:09

Would it be cheaper for her and the boyfriend to rent a room in a shared house while they save for their own place?

Graphista · 16/03/2018 16:10

Abusive twats!! Where are they in uk? It's possible to get double rooms in house shares that would probably be cheaper and they could save for own place.

Also get on list for social housing (though may not have much luck with that until baby born)

Get her to find out what benefits she'd get if she moved out too.

As pps I strongly suspect she'd be much better off moving out ASAP.

RandomMess · 16/03/2018 16:14

I'd loan/give her the money for a room in a shared house/lodge somewhere. She needs out ASAP

CalliopeMcPherson · 16/03/2018 16:15

Sorry but aren't half of the population in this position? Where they can't afford to live a luxurious lifestyle and have to scrimp and save to get by? I suggest she moves out and in with her boyfriend, and thy struggle along together. She's 22, not 16. By the time I was 22 I had been moved out for 5 years and was working for minimum wage. I still afforded my own little studio flat. Two of them together I'm sure they'd be fine. I might get stick for this but I think she just needs to be an adult and move on with her life...

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/03/2018 16:15

Can’t you have here to stay for 1 month so she can save 1 months wages and then get a room in a shared house?

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