To be really annoyed and disappointed with Dh views on this

[fleec]

Dh just said to me that the gender pay gap doesn't really exist. He said that women choose lower paid jobs because it suits them . Also that women choose to slow down their careers because of children and that women have less assertive personalities meaning that they are generally suited to less senior roles.

I am fuming with him. I cannot believe that he thinks this . AIBU to think that we are all different and that you can't generalise in this way! I am not one who generally holds very strong feminist views but this has really got to me.

I think I changed when I got together with my DH. Beforehand. I was really ambitious and doing really well but went part time and started taking pride in having dinner ready when he gets in within 2-3 years of the relationship. And nothing to do with having children as we haven't got any yet.

Whilst women can get screwed and it's difficult to have a good career post children (esp long hours, business trips etc), I'd say that at least half of my female friends actually chose to ditch their careers to be sahm/work very part time as their mindset shifted.

So IMO, there's quite a lot of truth in what your husband thinks but he's also a bit blind to some facts there.

Fenella why is he a 'knob'?

Netflix have confirmed that it won't happen again, so whoever plays the Duke of Edinburgh will not be payed more than Olivia Coleman for the next two series.

What they should do is send Claire Foy a big cheque. What does that promise do for her?

And to make it all worse Matt Smith didn't do a good job of portraying Prince Philip at all, he just did his usual Matt Smith bit, right down to the annoying way he pronounces certain words. Claire was excellent, very believable as the Queen. Which is why she won the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series. I hope she ignores any requests from Netflix in future.

The gender pay gap happens while women stay at home nurturing the children as far as they can afford.
Whilst men think they are paying the rent.
Well, that was my experience. He only lasted 7 years 😀

Because you’re paying them for the role they’re currently playing, obviously! Not what they did for other employers! If someone is doing lead character, more scenes, more lines, more rehearsals, more time in make up and wardrobe, then of course their pay packet should be bigger.

It doesn't work like that, it works on market forces. A big name in a cameo part may well get played more than the leading actors, simply because the name will draw the punters in.

He's kind of right, though.

A true gender pay gap assumes both parties do the same kinds of jobs, but that doesn't happen. Women are more likely to do caring roles and lower paid roles, or work part time, or take a break after having kids. Those are pretty big impacts on income.

Are you normally annoyed and disappointed when your dh is correct?

IME experience the gender pay gap exists for a number of reasons:

• some women choose roles where they trade off pay for flexibility
• some women are forced by family circumstance to take roles where they trade off pay for flexibility

The more insidious reasons are where employers make assumptions about employees:

• that all women of child bearing age really want to have children and will be off on maternity leave soon so there is no point employer investing in that employee through opportunities, training etc
• that all women with children are primary care givers so what all women want is flexibility rather than career progression
• that when a man has a child he becomes more career focused as 'provider' so gets opportunities to progress, training etc
• that when a woman has a child she is less career focused and just wants flexibility so receives fewer opportunities to progress her career

As a woman with 3 DCs and DH as SAHP I have experienced and seen a lot of the employer assumptions above.

I am sad to have to say that I have seen the worst of the assumptions openly expressed by the few female senior who appear to be pulling the career ladder up behind them. They get away with it because as they are female few people feel comfortable challenging their sexist views.

I expect that male senior managers also share these views but dont openly share them.

Omg. YANBU.

Some of what he has said is factually correct - a big contributing factor to the pay gap is that it is mostly women who take part time, flexible jobs and those tend to be at lower pay grades. That accounts for a difference of about 14% though. Some places have way higher gaps than that.

It depends what we are discussing here - the above statement is true - there are SOME reasons why women earn less than men in general, but the important issue is EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK, which is proven time and time again to not be occurring. When men and women are at the same level, doing the same number of hours, then of course they should be paid the same.

The optimist in me believes that childcare patterns will gradually change, so that there are more SAHDs, and more families where each parent reduces their hours somewhat to accommodate their children's needs (e.g. each parent doing a 4 day week). So that both parents have some responsibility for childcare, time off if a child is sick, etc, and both receive fair pay.

It will take time to change, but I believe it will. Things are already better than when I was a child and my parents' had these issues.

Until there is a way for men to give birth and be able to feed their baby, the biological differences will always lend themselves to women being more likely to be the sahp and this will always impact upon their ability to earn

Even if you're arguing that women are actively choosing lower paid roles - why are they choosing them? Because society has drummed it into them that that's what they should do. As someone struggling with a successful career and two young children, there's not a week goes by when I'm not reminded that society thinks I'm letting my kids down. DH has sane role, same work place. Never been made to feel that way.

WHY DONT WE VOTE CORBYN

WOW

@theftbyfinding because women have less assertive personalities meaning that they are generally suited to less senior roles.

araiwa really? I think you are talking rubbish - just like the OP's husband.

As I get older I get so sick of hearing sexist crap being peddled as 'the truth' and 'that's just how it is'

Stuff changes over time. 50 years ago there weren't nearly as many women doctors - presumably because of their biological differences meant they were not able to do the rigorous training - now its around 50/50 for doctors being male/female. Likewise vets - plenty of female vets now (more than their male counterparts)

Airline pilots - when will they catch up with the times? They are doing so in the USA but not here. Is that because women are 'only suited to being airline stewardesses' - erm no - it's because of outdated attitudes like yours.

Wake up and smell the coffee

'@'FENELLA DO YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT ANSWERS THINGS?

Silly women deciding to have children to ensure survival of the species.

Women know your place.

Which part of your dhs anatomy would you like us to come over and cut off first .

The entire burden of child rearing still falls on women which is why their careers are affected.

If your little one has chicken pox does he worry about how he’ll manage work, or think ‘I’ll have to ask my mum to come over’. I bet he just thinks ‘poor dc, at least dw is looking after them!’. That’s how careeers are damaged and that is women ‘choosing’ not to work in demanding roles.

The pay gap is influenced by women taking part time roles after having children but the idea that women should be the ones to step back from their careers is sexist. The system we currently have doesn't easily accommodate women working more flexibly although hopefully shared parental leave will help bring more equality to parenting and men also taking care of small children.

The idea that women are less assertive naturally is rubbish. Women are conditioned by a sexist society to behave less assertively but should be encouraged to be more confident. I'm not less assertive than a man.

"The idea that women are less assertive naturally is rubbish. Women are conditioned by a sexist society to behave less assertively"

Which you can back up with studies and facts and proof, right? The alternative would mean you're making things up and passing them off as accepted by science.

Which one is it @Shoxfordian?

Re Claire Foy - it has nothing to do with gender. She was paid less because she carried less audience weight - people will tune in to watch Matt Smith

It does have to do with gender that Matt Smith was able to carry such a large audience weight. There are far more juicy roles like Doctor Who and James Bond which are passed down from man to man than there are for women.

Although hopefully that is changing.

There are always excuses for men getting paid more that change according to the circumstances. Your DH is ignorant.

@theftbyfinding umm, yes. I’m pretty sure the OP’s DH saying that women are weaker personalities and shouldn’t have senior jobs is the reason I think he is a knob.

I’m not sure how I can possibly simplify that for you as my reason?