To think about emigrating to the USA? 🇺🇸

[Rainbow1234]

I have posted in living overseas but don’t get much of a response so thought I would look for some opinions here.

So my dh is originally from Texas but moved to London 15 years ago when he was 16. We have 2 dc aged 4 and 7 (both have dual nationality). He assured me when we got married that he wasn’t bothered about ever moving back to the US and that he preferred England. Now he has been offered a really good job in California where his family live and wants me to think about us all moving out there but I’m so unsure, the job pays almost double what he is earning here but the area we would need to live in is more expensive than where we are now so financially we would be about the same. I was born and brought up in London, my mum dad and sister all live within 30 minutes of me and they are the only family I have in the whole world and I would feel so guilty about leaving them especially my mum, she’s 70 this year and in very good health (works full time) but I know she won’t be around forever but I can’t help thinking life could be better for my kids out there, anyone?

I would go, 100%

Go for it! My best mate did 20 years ago and has never regretted it for a moment. They live in California and their life is amazing. It’s a beautiful part of the world with lovely weather all year round. Family go to visit them regularly and they come here.

I wouldn't live in the US for anything, personally.

Do it.

I live in the US (Texas, Austin) before I had children and it was great. I'd probably do it again if the opportunity came up, although wouldn't underestimate the complexities involved with moving an additional four children!

I'm with Thora. Not in a million years. Sorry.

We were offered similar but we are both British, I said no. I might have went for it if my DH was American though. Could you try it for a couple of years?

The California, outdoorsy lifestyle seems like a nice one to bring up kids in, and until recently I would have said go for it 100%. But in the current political climate with trump, gun control etc I don't think it would be a wise move at all. I think life in America is due to get a lot worse before it gets better and foresee huge problems over the next couple of years

They are the only family you have in the world - but presumably your DH’s family in California is the only family he has in the world? You and your children have lived close to your family so far, it’s not beyond possible that now he wants to live closer to his. This is always going to be an issue with relationships involving people from overseas.

I’d go like a shot if it were me (and I did when it was, although not to the US - we moved further away).

I would not leave my natal family for anything. Your DH has already made that decision (to leave). What would you, personally, and as a family, be gaining by moving?

I wouldn't, mainly because of the work/life balance that seems to be the norm there- very little annual leave, Right to Work, allocated Sick Days.

In addition, the astronomical cost of healthcare. Even if you have decent insurance, it can be a huge expense and I couldn't handle the uncertainty of being one illness away from financial instability.

Would you want to live the rest of your life there?

Private healthcare, rubbish work/life balance like pp said, guns, Trump.

No, I wouldn't consider it.

We moved to the USA 4 years ago and it was the best thing we ever did. We wouldn’t ever consider moving back to the UK.

USA offers us better pay, better living standards, better work/life balance, more space, lower cost of living and freedom to live as we want.

I do miss my family but we see them once a year either they come out to see us or we go back to the UK.

HicDraconis - he made the decision to leave his family 15 years ago, they’re not particularly close and not the main reason he wants to move back they just happen to live near where the job is. My kids love my parents dearly and see them everyday of their lives, is it fair to take they away from that?

Only you can make the decision but life can present you with opportunities you never thought possible.
You could go and remember that you could always go home after a couple if years if it's not right for you and your family.

Massive pain in the bum to go then go back home again but how will you know if you don't try it.

I'm just about to do a bit move so I'm full of enthusiasm.

I wouldn’t go there on holiday at the moment let alone live there.

What’s in the package? Presumably you’d need a visa?
If it all goes tits up and you want to leave, what happens if he doesn’t want the kids to go back with you? Pretty big legal implications.

Make sure you factor in the taxes. Both Federal and State. California has very high state tax

Oh, and city tax too.

I have dual nationality and have lived in California and the UK. One parent was American and one British and I grew up with both cultures as totally normal. My parents moved back when I was 30 and I visit every year.

In my 20’s I would have loved to have moved there but as I have gotten older I see the more disturbing aspects of the American culture and I wouldn’t like to live there now. I find it a very harsh society. Great if you have money but the attitudes to poverty are very unforgiving. The capitalist society is very strong and the view that poor people are poor because of their own shortcomings is common. Also the idea that those who can’t afford healthcare don’t deserve it I find bizarre as well as racial tensions and sexism being more prevalent, let alone the absurd gun culture and paranoia. This may not be everyone’s experience but it is mine of family (parents, sisters, brothers and wider family live/have grown up there) and towns about 70 miles east of LA so we’re not talking back of beyond.

California is beautiful so if you are going to move to the USA I’d consider it one of the best places but really it’s just another place to live, for you this would be without your parents. If you are close I don’t think anything can make up for that personally.

You mum is 70 and in good health so she'll be around for many years yet.

I think I'd be tempted to try California but put a time limit. E.g. 2 or 3 years and then review whether to stay or come back to London. And definitely do your Maths before you go. Taxes, mortgages, health insurance etc work differently there do make sure you're clear on the affordability.

The more I read about the USA, the more I'm glad it's not my home country. The healthcare system, the gun crime, the lack of paid leave. I'd maybe consider a sabbatical there for a few years, but absolutely not as a long term plan. And with Trump as president, now is not a good time!

What salary and benefits was offered and which part of California? It's not cheap like people think it is by the time you pay for taxes, housing and medical costs. I wouldn't move here to the NYC area with an income of less than $200k a year if moving with a wife and 2DC.

One of my siblings recently moved out to Texas for a job opportunity, with spouse and kids, they are loving it although still early days.

If it were me I would totally go, in fact OH and I are currently looking into a job opportunity for him in Canada, which is preferable to us than the US, as not keen on the Trump, guns current era. If it works out, we will be over there like a shot as for us it potentially offers a good life for us all as a family and a new challenge for him workwise. In addition to this, I’m not feeling that great about living in the U.K. in these current uncertain times.

Also, for those saying you wouldn't move here for healthcare costs, gun crime etc, you really don't know America. I live in New Jersey. It's a very liberal state and the support is good. I get 4 weeks vacation and all healthcare costs paid for with my current employer. My previous employer gave me 22 days vacation and healthcare premium for a couple with children was $1200 a month with an annual deductible of $7500. Really not crazy expensive when you consider you earn a lot more here.