To think about emigrating to the USA? 🇺🇸

[Rainbow1234]

I have posted in living overseas but don’t get much of a response so thought I would look for some opinions here.

So my dh is originally from Texas but moved to London 15 years ago when he was 16. We have 2 dc aged 4 and 7 (both have dual nationality). He assured me when we got married that he wasn’t bothered about ever moving back to the US and that he preferred England. Now he has been offered a really good job in California where his family live and wants me to think about us all moving out there but I’m so unsure, the job pays almost double what he is earning here but the area we would need to live in is more expensive than where we are now so financially we would be about the same. I was born and brought up in London, my mum dad and sister all live within 30 minutes of me and they are the only family I have in the whole world and I would feel so guilty about leaving them especially my mum, she’s 70 this year and in very good health (works full time) but I know she won’t be around forever but I can’t help thinking life could be better for my kids out there, anyone?

As pp said you could well end up having to stay with your DC even if you and your DH split up.
We are in the US for a few years and it is a great experience. However we weren't living close to either of our families. It is rewarding but very challenging moving to new country.
You and your DH both need to be really signed on for it too work.
The US is more expensive than the UK, healthcare is crazy expensive and I think our food bill had doubled. There is more violence particulary gun violence, often focused on schools. Employment law isn't great in lots of states.
But it is a spectactular country, with lots of outdoor and cultural opportunities. People are very friendly, I have yet to meet anyone prepared to admit to being a trump fan yet in my state. You will get better weather and the chance to experience a new way of living. There are more opportunities and post Brexit that is only likely to increased.
Only you are going to know if the positives outweigh the negatives.

"You could go and remember that you could always go home after a couple if years if it's not right for you and your family."

Both countries are signatories to the Hague Convention, so this is very poor advice.

If the OP emigrates and decides that it's not for her, she will almost certainly be stuck in the US until her various children are adults.

Her husband is obviously the one pushing for the move and the OP needs to be fully aware of her legal position before she emigrates.

Want2bSupermum

Agreed, we live very comfortably in a Maine on $64k a year. Health insurance through DH’s company is $300 a month with a $1500 deductible.

We pay next to no tax compared to the UK, plus everything is so much cheaper here.

Trump is just temporary, and gun crime is something I wouldn’t ever think about living here. It feels so much safer here.

Only you can make the decision. My husband always wanted to go back to Oz where he was born but I had no interest. After over 15 years together I changed my mind and now kick myself for not going sooner. Only you can decide whether its worth it or not.

I also live in the US and much prefer where I am to the UK.

Not sure I'd move to California with children though, unless you're really paid well. Your challenge will be to find somewhere you can afford to live that has a good school system.

Also it is very hard to leave family behind. My parents are retired and well off and can afford to visit regularly but if they weren't then we really wouldn't see them often.

Also think about the fact that you will be raising your children as Americans, and if/when you want to return to the UK they might not want to go.

I’d go . I love America although I’ve never lived there, but I’d certainly give it a try.

I live in Texas but we are only here temporarily.

It’s been a good move for us but I would have concerns about living here permanently (mostly to do with politics, health care costs and tertiary education)

The first six months after moving were incredibly hard. Not particularly missing family or friends just missing the familiar and not knowing how everything works.

Once we settled in it was fine, Texans are lovely, we have a great standard of living and the kids enjoy the schools here.

We’ll be sad to go home when the time comes but wouldn’t make a choice to stay permanently.

I live in the Pacific northwest and absolutely love it. Don’t get me wrong, things scare me. I moved here when Obama was president and now we have Trump. Guns scare me. Healthcare scares me.

But we live in a very democratic area, a bit of a liberal bubble. The geography is absolutely stunning, forests, mountains, never ending adventure. Our life has changed for the better. We have an excellent healthcare plan through my husbands employer and his vacation time isn’t that bad. It’s not all work work work like another user commented. That depends on the job. The public schools around here all score at least 8/10 and my daughter will grow up with so many more opportunities.

We know a lot of British ex pats out here. Most are here for the long term like us. Some stay for a couple of years and then go home. Take the opportunity. It’s a big decision to make but life is short and it could be a great move.

My sis lived in the States for 20 years and I used to visit.

It's not for me I'm afraid. A few reasons. .. but mainly it was the gun thing that I couldn't get my head around. Ordinary people just carry them around in their cars, have them in their homes, they keep them in their bedside tables ... and it's no big deal. They used to talk about them like they were as innocuous as fishing rods or a new kitchen gadget. My sister lived in an area that was big on hunting and you could hear the guys out in the woods blasting away. It used to scare the shit out of me.

That whole nonchalant approach to gun ownership is something I found bizarre. You get a lift from someone and in the glove box he or she has got a weapon that they can just point at another human being and kill them instantly. It used to freak me out.

They reckon that for every 100 Americans, there are 88 guns. How many millions is that?

When you look at a street in Canada or Oz or the UK .. there are people going about their business, and yes of course they can be victims of crime or be out to commit crime, but you can be pretty certain
that the overwhelming majority of them won't have access to a gun.
But in the US, you see an average street and then wonder how many of the people who live in it are gun owners. At least I do.

It blows my mind to be honest .... and that's reason enough for me, despite all the visits, to have never wanted to live there myself.

Funny, it's only the people who have never lived in the USA who are saying they wouldn't do it. We've been in Texas for nearly 5 years and love it.

Another Brit transfer who 100% prefers living in the US to the UK. It’s an incredible country and my children have thrived here. As much as I worry about gun control, I have never once seen a gun in the decade I’ve lived here. It really isn’t in your face guns 24/7.

I’ve been in Texas 5 years and can’t wait to leave. For me the benefits don’t outweigh the shit stuff. We’ve spent about 30k extra on healthcare (on to of insurance) in that time, it’s not cheap when you add up all the taxes, cost of insurance, food is astronomical, etc.. on paper we should have a good lifestyle, but after all the expenses we don’t.

America seems to have the best of things, and also he worst.

For me the best wouldnt outweigh the worst. I would hate having to drop my kids off at school every day in a country where there where 45 school shootings by Valentines day this year alone.

Moved here 7 years ago and I wouldn't move back to the UK for all the money in the world. I love it here. Ds will have an upbringing he could never have (unless we were loaded) in the UK.

Pretty much everyday I pinch myself and ask how I got so lucky.

If it were Australia, I'd say yes....but America? Not in this life. No.

There are far too many issues there at the moment.

I personally would opt for the family you know over the family you don't know.

Living elsewhere could be brilliant or horrible. Some parts of California are breath-takingly beautiful but even then you have no guarantee that you will meet people you would want to be friends with.

I LOVE living in LA. I lived in London for 7 years and dread even going back to visit. Bear in mind that while I lived in London, I visited my family in California 2 to 3 times a year without my h and with 2 young kids in tow. It's possible and affordable. Where in California are you heading? If it's LA, please feel free to PM me and I'd be happy to help you figure out the local school system and neighborhoods.

Re the stuff with guns. That is not really what you see in Los Angeles or the San Francisco area or really most of California. Although guns do happen in excess in other parts of the US.

If your kids are the least bit unusual or different, you will find many more options for them in California than in London. You will need help navigating the options and understanding how to access them, but the opportunities are really limitless.

Another Brit in LA here.

Love it. After five years in London and two in New York, I have found my big City home, and it really does feel homely. I live in the suburbs in a great area, yes it is expensive compared to London, but the standard of living and salaries reflect that (for me anyway). Also the weather has made me so much happier. I became a very angry person in NYC and the regular sunshine makes such a difference. Also my work life balance is the best it’s ever been and my holiday benefits are the same as back home, a little bit less sick time, but you get 48 hours of annual sick time in California which is better than most states.

I know a few friends and family who own guns, but it’s customary to keep it in a locker in the bedroom, as opposed to lying around. Some cities prohibit carrying guns in public and some require a permit, so it’s less common to see day to day than you might think. After four years I haven’t seen anyone carrying one publicly. (But I haven’t spent enough time in Texas)

Healthcare system is really only an issue if you get seriously sick. I have a fairly good plan from my employer who contribute to this coverage as well, and is close to NI contributions. If I got seriously ill I would be moving back home ASAP.

Also have family back home and the guilt of not being close enough kills me, 10 hour flight is probably my limit. On the other hand, because I earn a lot more I’m
able to support more in a financial sense, and also make more of the trips I do take, treat my mum on a regular basis vs scavenging time to see each other like when I lived in London. I am in a relationship with an American and not sure which side of the pond we will end up, at the moment the financial benefits are keeping me here, but can see priorities shifting when I’m older. It also feels like the U.K. isn’t much less of a Hot Mess than here right now.

Good luck with your decision OP, it’s not for everyone, but Cali is a great place to be.

We've been living in the north Midwest for almost 3 years and are due to move home to the UK this summer... I can't wait!!! America is not the place for me.

Yes in some ways we are financially better off, we could afford a huge house with land and private school if we wanted to - these things are about twice the price in the UK.

BUT we are young(ish), fit and healthy and so is DD. I would not want to be older or ill in this country. We have full health coverage its still ridiculously expensive.

I would not want to send DD to school with th ever present and real threat of gun violence in schools (she's only 3 right now so not an issue, but it's one of the reasons we wanted to move home).

I don't particularly care for the lifestyle which is heavily car-orientated. Everything is so far apart you simply have to drive there is no choice. I'm sure there are some beautiful parts of the country but lots of the places we've been (florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, NY state etc) all seem to look the same to me.... endless roads and car parks and ugly concrete shops (I LOVE beautiful period, European architecture and miss it so!). Seriously, WHY build it so ugly?!

We've been to some beautiful places - Cape Cod being one of them. But the wilderness really is wilderness over here. With bears, mountain lions, bobcats, wolves, poisonous spiders, snakes etc. Not to mention lone weirdos with guns. You really need to know what you're doing.

CA is obviously earthquake and wildfire zone (google the Cascadia Subduction Zone).

Also, like PP said upthread: your DC will think of themselves as American if you stay for a long time.

I don't regret coming here - but for us those reasons are financial and because we both have very dysfunctional families. The geographical distance has been an unforeseen blessing on both our marriage and our parenting and it has changed our lives in ways we could not have predicted.

I would have much rather had this experience somewhere like NZ though!

I'd go but make sure there would be financial provisions for regular visits back to the UK. Sounds like a dream opportunity tbh. Good luck whatever you decide.

I had that offer. Did my sums, stayed put. Lack of family time, limited holiday time, public schools (mostly) not great standatd where were heading.
Not to mention college costs, healthcare costs...
it all seemed very overhyped and ultimately not a lot in return overall for such a move to be a realistic consideration.

No. I would never send my DC to an American school, for a start. I grew up in America and went through the school system. I'm no fan of the gun laws and political climate, nor the healthcare system. Nope. Wouldn't do it.

I'm a lifelong Londoner and its in my blood
But when I visited California one of my first thoughts was " imagine growing up here"- I was visiting friends who now have children and the children can do such lovely things, beach after school as a norm.

I really wanted to move there but wasnt able to make enough money
Then Dump got in...and I thought okay, never going to live in the US - also I'm not white which I think complicates things....

But now London is so horrible. Breaks my heart to say it but it is. The level of overcrowding...and I think they will force buses off the roads as well as cars....and shitty English weather.....and we've all got our share of haters and crazy politics and the NHS might vanish here...

Family and finances will probably decide for you but without those, California wins hands down, even with Dump. Especially for your children. Growing up with that kind of weather and outdoor life possibilities and space....amazing.

Now the shock of Dump has abated a little, I'd still like to try to move there. I have friends there, been there 20+ years and they don't even notice the gun issues.

My DH has a colleague who lives in California. Lovely man and very comfortable financially. All insurances purchased and he works very hard to make sure his family are looked after. His small child got sick. Cancer. It almost bankrupted him. The insurances out there don’t always cover everything especially with long term illnesses. Google it. Do your research. If you are blessed with good health then great but if you live out there and something bad happens then you could end up losing everything. The way that things are going with Trump all of that stuff is just going to get worse. I would go there for a holiday but not sure I’d want to live there with kids. If gun control and healthcare were sorted out then yes but right now, no.

Absolutely nothing could make me live in the US; the healthcare situation over there is so dire it could bankrupt you in seconds. You don’t have enough money to be happily comfortable there if you’re not a multi-millionaire.

Then of course you have the gun crime troubles, the poor work/life balance and so on. Nope, wild horses couldn’t drag me there.