To think about emigrating to the USA? 🇺🇸

[Rainbow1234]

I have posted in living overseas but don’t get much of a response so thought I would look for some opinions here.

So my dh is originally from Texas but moved to London 15 years ago when he was 16. We have 2 dc aged 4 and 7 (both have dual nationality). He assured me when we got married that he wasn’t bothered about ever moving back to the US and that he preferred England. Now he has been offered a really good job in California where his family live and wants me to think about us all moving out there but I’m so unsure, the job pays almost double what he is earning here but the area we would need to live in is more expensive than where we are now so financially we would be about the same. I was born and brought up in London, my mum dad and sister all live within 30 minutes of me and they are the only family I have in the whole world and I would feel so guilty about leaving them especially my mum, she’s 70 this year and in very good health (works full time) but I know she won’t be around forever but I can’t help thinking life could be better for my kids out there, anyone?

want2be, I think your children are elementary age - correct (must be - if you had teenagers the phrase "wouldn't dare" would be out of your vocab :))? Come back to me when your child has gone through 4 years of honors classes, APs, varsity sports, music/choral practice, community service, sundays given up to SAT prep, nights working till 1 in the morning for the honors essay, stress of college applications. Or your child has struggled hard to make Bs, cried over grades, worked so hard at extra-curriculars to try to put a good application together, watched friends apply to more prestigious colleges. and then tell me it will be easy to say to them "that merit money isn't for you, you must refuse it".

If you want, you can give the equivalent of the merit money to the college or uni as a donation- and get the tax break.

Fyi, tax laws have changed and only itemized donations to 501cs above $24k for a married couple will be eligible for tax relief (I work for a higher ed non profit in the USA).

Yep. That affects us. In any case I'd be very disappointed if my child accepted merit money. Of course they have their struggles and that is part of life. No one breezes into a good college. It's something that everyone works hard for.

My DC have their issues and yes they are young. DD tested into the top 3% in her functional assessment. She has been diagnosed with ASD, ADD, ODD and anxiety. Currently as a first grader she is working on 4th grade curriculum having passed the test for 3rd grade two weeks ago with a 98% score. We have a meeting next week to discuss next steps because the elementary school she attends is K-6 and they expect her complete 5th grade before the end of this academic year. Support for 7th grade and beyond is at the middle school and we don't want her in that environment. Right now she sits with peers and we would like that to continue.

I'm sure her story will sound great to an admissions officer but the reality is that a kid from the wrong side of the tracks whose parents have shown absolutely zero interest in their academic achievements needs that merit money for living expenses far more than any of my DC needs it. If my DC can't see that then DH and I have failed to raise them with a good moral compass and empathy.

want2be, like I said, talk to me when you have a junior in high school, Not a first grader. you really don't know what you will feel like or what your child will feel like then.

And you know you can simply make a donation to the college at any time so this seemingly selfless giving up of your children's merit money is simply six of one half dozen of the other.

I'm from the Bay Area and own a house there, though not currently living there. The housing costs and traffic are out of control. I was just looking at listings in my town and I was shocked. There are more affordable areas, but the school quality generally reflects that. We factored in the cost of private school when considering particular areas when we bought. It's a truly wonderful place to live and I'd love to get back soon, but you really have to look at the wage vs housing costs (and insurance, tax, food, internet, mobile phones...)

The outdoor lifestyle really is amazing and the weather is fantastic. The public transport isn't great, but depending on where in SF, there are options, including ferries! A number of the big tech companies also have coaches for employees, if that's relevant.

It's challenging living away from family...we've lived near mine, near dh's and now apart from both...the joys of being a multi-national family. That said, technology has bridged that gap rather well. I think my dcs talk to my parents more now than they did when we lived close by

So much anti-US sentiment on here...

What happens when you retire to your health insurance? Is that payable out your pension? Does it just stop?

I think I would love parts of the US but not the big cities, really due to the complete difference to my life here.

OP, my friend moved to the US with her UK DH years ago. They divorced and she couldn’t move back due to the DC. For some reason, this would be my main block to going. I would absolutely hate that.

Spangly Canada is a completely different proposition to the US!

What happens when you retire to your health insurance? Is that payable out your pension? Does it just stop?

You go onto Medicare which is a single payer system administered by the government. Much cheaper.

There isn't a strong anti-US sentiment on here. What a crock.

There's not some giant anti American conspiracy - it's just INDIVIDUALS writing about their own experiences and preferences.

Just because not everyone wants to live in America or loves the American lifestyle - doesn't add up to an anti-US sentiment ffs.

It's just not for everyone.

The OP asked for opinions and she's getting them from those who love living there to those who don't or wouldn't want to. She didn't specify that only people with positive experiences or people who would absolutely love to live in the US should reply.

pallisers That's the thing about morals. Doing what is right trumps (no pun intended) doing what feels good. Yes it's flattering to receive an academic merit. Do we or our DC need it? No. Should it influence the decision about which college to go to? Not for us. $30-50k a year in tuition is what I expect college to cost. When that is less than 10% of your gross income it's not morally right to accept the help. The merit awards are great for families who haven't played the system, so don't have their assets in retirement account or have a high house value in the calculator. That's not us.

Plenty of families turn down academic merits. Lehigh offered it to DHs boss for all of his DC and they said they turned it down. When you are top 1% income it doesn't feel good to take from others.

There isn't anti American sentiment but it does annoy people hugely that many Americans take any criticism of their country in any way "as degenerating our great flag/country". Grow up.

There are many problems and shit things in the uk and most people acknowledge that. Seems Americans can't do this.

Sorry but I did chuckle at all those people 'degenerating' the flag

Er, I'm not American but I do take exception to people dismissing a whole country as awful, particularly given the size and diversity of the country and particularly as I suspect most of the people in the "you couldn't pay me to live there" camp have barely, if ever, set foot on US soil.

I'm not sure it's helpful one way or another to the OP to have people who know nothing about the US telling her that it's a terrible place. It would be like someone posting in the Litter Tray to say that they were thinking of getting a tabby kitten and a load of people saying that they have never had one but cats are horrible, hard work and when they looked after the neighbours' Persian for two weeks it was a nightmare.

@Want2bSupermum Your attitude is admirable. If only more wealthy people shared your principles…

Chrys I've found that more Americans think like DH and I do compared to Brits and Danes. Yes we have done well for ourselves and that's great. Its extremely important to remain grounded and value the opportunity given in life. Having a rock solid set of values is extremely important to DH and I. How many self made people like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet in the UK donate a good chunk of their wealth to charity? Very very very few...

youcant is Medicare only for the retired? Sorry - I’m intrigued as to how it works! Could the unemployed access it?

called The unemployment benefits are only in place for 26 weeks. You are expected to get a job. If you have low income welfare kicks in, depending on the state, to put a roof over your head and the snap program provides food.

Medicaid covers anyone who is low income and younger than retirement. It's government funded and free for those using it. It's 'paid for' by taxes although the tax doesn't cover the cost.

and medicaid does things like paying for a kidney transplant for somebody
abut refusing to pay for the anti-rejection drugs afterwards
so the kidney fails and the person is back on dialysis until they die
unable to work ever again

medicare does not pay for everything
chronic medication like heart pills you can end up paying the first $400 a month out of your own pocket

the nearest thing to the NHS is VA - which covers all veterans for the rest of their lives

Why not, you can always come back if you don't like it! Ok you might not be able to for several years but at least you've had an experience and won't regret not giving it ago.
Always keep a bank account with enough money for last minute flights in case you need to come back for a family emergency.

There isn't a strong anti-US sentiment on here. What a crock.

When taken collectively, I agree. But there have been some individual statements on the thread that show a strong anti-American bias. And some have been so sweeping in their generalizations that they can't really have been based on personal experience. Threads about the US on MN nearly always result in statements like these. I think that some people just like doing that because they know that more and more Americans are on MN and they enjoy giving us a poke or two. Of course, most of us Americans are here because we have some connection with the UK, and we love and appreciate many things about the UK and the people of its constituent countries, so sometimes the poking can be a bit hurtful.

seneca
Read what is said about other parts of the world !
Perspective is everything

There are many problems and shit things in the uk and most people acknowledge that. Seems Americans can't do this.

Of course we can. Just go to the comments section of any of our news outlets. There are lots of Americans not too happy with with the direction our country has taken this last year or so.

There are many problems and shit things in the uk and most people acknowledge that. Seems Americans can't do this.

Welllllll, I'm not sure now. I've seen threads started by foreigners resident in the UK criticising something about UK culture, and much harrumphing ensues. So I'm not sure it's true that UK people are better able to deal with harsh criticism of their country.

Medicare eligibility is age based. It starts at 65 (some exceptions for lower ages based on certain kinds of disabilities). Medicare Part A is free (but recipients have been paying Medicare taxes all their working life so not free in that sense). Part A covers hospitilization, some nursing home costs, and other costs associated with hospital stays.

Part B covers medical costs, doctor visits, etc. You pay an insurance premium for this, which is reasonable and cost-controlled by the government. It is deducted from your social security pension so you never see it. You can also buy a Medicare supplement insurance policy that covers things that might not be covered under the other parts. The cost of premiums are again set by the government and there is a range of plans to chose from based on your needs.

Then there is Part D which covers some drugs and medicines not covered by the others. There is a lot of choice in plans for Part D.

DH and I have full coverage with all of our plans, and we never have out-of-pocket costs for medical expenses. So far, all of the medicines we have been prescribed have been fully covered by our Part D plan, too.

And again, it's all age-based, not retirement based. I'm still working and still paying Medicare taxes, but fully covered by Medicare since I turned 65.

I love California and have visited 3 times. Works well I feel if you are healthy and relatively wealthy but less so if you get sick or aren’t on a pretty big salary , personally I would want fantastic benefits to make it doable