To think about emigrating to the USA? 🇺🇸

[Rainbow1234]

I have posted in living overseas but don’t get much of a response so thought I would look for some opinions here.

So my dh is originally from Texas but moved to London 15 years ago when he was 16. We have 2 dc aged 4 and 7 (both have dual nationality). He assured me when we got married that he wasn’t bothered about ever moving back to the US and that he preferred England. Now he has been offered a really good job in California where his family live and wants me to think about us all moving out there but I’m so unsure, the job pays almost double what he is earning here but the area we would need to live in is more expensive than where we are now so financially we would be about the same. I was born and brought up in London, my mum dad and sister all live within 30 minutes of me and they are the only family I have in the whole world and I would feel so guilty about leaving them especially my mum, she’s 70 this year and in very good health (works full time) but I know she won’t be around forever but I can’t help thinking life could be better for my kids out there, anyone?

My negative comments aside, I think in some ways, life will be better for your kids. It really, really depends on where, so I hope you answer. I know CA like the back of my hand.
But they will have a healthier, more outdoorsy lifestyle. I miss that for my kids, big time. We are indoors far more than I'd like to be.

If its in the Bay area, you need the salary to be seriously good - my colleague lives in Highlands and their teeny, un refurbished (her kitchen is original 1960's) house would sell for about $2.1 million. They pay a stupid amount in property tax because of the value, and everything is much more expensive - just after school care for two children is costing $1400 a month for instance. The traffic is horrible in the bay, so commutes of several hours aren't unusual and public transport isn't an option.

I have found reading this thread very interesting . In June we are visiting San Francisco to visit BIL who has lived there for the last 20 odd years and would never consider returning to the UK. We will be flying from San Francisco to Austin in Texas where Ds 3 is getting married to his long term girlfriend who is Texan. DIL2B will be moving to the Uk as Ds hates the attitudes etc of the inhabitants of that state and has always refused to live there. DIL2B is very much part of "our family" and since her Dm died a few years ago has decided that she wants to live in the UK.
The healthcare aspect is very attractive to her as she watched her DM struggle with a severe life limiting illness, and I think when you are young it is something you don't necessarily consider.
I think a lot depends for the Op how much her DH wants to go when making a decision.

We are a family of dual nationals, Dh and I lived in California for nearly 30 years and moved back to UK recently. The older kids came back before us. Much as I loved living in rural california I feel better here in UK. I did love the schools my kids all went too (youngest is in high school in UK now)
But we weren't in cities those schools have gangs and metal detectors and all sorts of problems unless you pick carefully, where we were living was more like living in the 60's or something. School life and school spirit was a huge deal. I do miss the friends I made there and would love to see them again.
Work life balance was terrible. Dh got two weeks leave a year, but only after working a year. I never had paid leave in 30 years, (I'm an RGN) I was always below 40 hours a week working around kids and daycare.
That balance is so much better here.

I lived in the states for a while. Long before I had children. I love the county. It has some beautiful scenery, great outdoors lifestyle but would I relocate my family there now? No way. I was very happy to come back to the UK. I missed British culture too much. I wouldn’t want to raise my children in a country with such a terrifying gun culture. The massive gap between the rich and the poor was eye watering too.

Not a chance. And I did move countries permanently for my DH. But I'd never live in the US.

I work for a US group and have friends in the US. I find their attitude very harsh - people are terminated from their role and no on speaks about it. I also find that there is a lot of smoke and mirrors - people are not very genuine. The (general) attitude towards those who don't have a job/need assistance does not accord with my sense of morality

So many stereotypes in this thread! I have lived in the US for 18 years and despite the drawbacks would never go back to the UK. If you live in NYC or CA most of the assumptions made here about the US just aren't true. No one has a gun or believes you should own one, people are generally very liberal, in fact far more liberal than people where I grew up in London and Trump, while terrible, has awakened people to be more involved, made kids vocal about standing up for their Iiberal beliefs and generally united people in so many communities.
Healthcare does get $ but it is mainly pretax and the standards of care are excellent. I also live in an area with excellent public schools and have been thrilled by the education my kids have received and it is the much criticized NYC public school system. It also isn't anti-intellectual at all. I have never had less than 4 weeks of vacation in a variety of jobs and in my world while there is a gap between rich and poor we all live together in the same communities without a great sense of have/have not. We are actually considering a move to CA at some point for better opportunities to be outside, the weather in NYC gets me down (too extreme). San Francisco is a great city but is definitely expensive with bad traffic. moving from Europe the East Bay may be a good fit depending where the job is, it is generally liberal, intellectual and has areas with very strong sense of community. In general I find a much stronger sense of community where I live compared to where I grew up in London and compared what I hear about places friends/family live back in the UK.

My friend moved to the US with her DH and children for his job. The kids settled in schools and hobbies, she gave up her career. He cheated and now they're divorced but she can't come home, the kids are American now.

No chance.

For the simple reason that if you go over there and don't like it, however nice it is, he can refuse to let the kids come back with you. So you end up either stuck there or back here minus the DC.

I know someone who is in this position. They're not having the best time of it.

The country that elected DT prez isn't anti-intellectual. Oh go on. Pull the other one.

You can't make sweeping statements about the whole country based on the election of Trump. NYC and the Bay Area are most definitely not anti-intellectual. If OP is considering moving to the Bay Area most of these sweeping statements simply won't hold true so shouldn't factor in to here decision. There are anti-intellectual stupid Americans just as there are in the UK and those comments are really not helpful to OP.

So many stereotypes in this thread!

Yes there really are! That coupled with the usual MN dislike of the USA.

The country that elected DT prez isn't anti-intellectual. Oh go on. Pull the other one.

Everyone here is hung up on Trump. He is temporary, and not representative, his impact on day to day life is minimal.

No, guns and healthcare.
I became disabled with no warning at the age of 32, if I lived in the US I'd be dead.
I'm aware you'd have insurance but is everything, and I mean everything covered no matter what?

I also find that there is a lot of smoke and mirrors - people are not very genuine. The (general) attitude towards those who don't have a job/need assistance does not accord with my sense of morality

Professor this is absolutely not my experience in Texas. The length people went to help strangers, friend’s, neighbours etc was extraordinary and continues today.

I have never experienced anti-intellectual sentiments either.

I'm aware you'd have insurance but is everything, and I mean everything covered no matter what?

I had an experimental treatment involving platelets and plasma that wasn't covered. I paid $800 for it.

My insurance also tells me to get generic epipens rather than brand name epipens - they're effectively the same thing though so it makes zero difference.

Other than that in 11 years of five of us living here I've yet to find anything else that's not covered.

He is temporary, and not representative, his impact on day to day life is minimal.

You hope it's temporary.

You hope it's temporary.

I'm curious to know how it could possibly not be temporary?

Erm, where I live there are the most genuine people I've found anywhere in the world.

And the most liberal.

Yet another bunch of ill informed people piling in with the usual anti-America bullshit. Yawn.

'I'm curious to know how it could possibly not be temporary?'

If he decides to stay there and doesn't want to move back to the UK and doesn't want the kids to go back then the OP is either stuck in the US or has to return to the UK without her children.

Everyone here is hung up on Trump. He is temporary, and not representative, his impact on day to day life is minimal. ....if you're white

I'm curious to know how it could possibly not be temporary?

In many ways... do you think the US is the only country immune to dictatorships?

Um I think they were talking about Twatpuffin being temporary.

In many ways... do you think the US is the only country immune to dictatorships?

Oh, sorry, I thought we were actually going to have a sensible conversation.