To think about emigrating to the USA? 🇺🇸

[Rainbow1234]

I have posted in living overseas but don’t get much of a response so thought I would look for some opinions here.

So my dh is originally from Texas but moved to London 15 years ago when he was 16. We have 2 dc aged 4 and 7 (both have dual nationality). He assured me when we got married that he wasn’t bothered about ever moving back to the US and that he preferred England. Now he has been offered a really good job in California where his family live and wants me to think about us all moving out there but I’m so unsure, the job pays almost double what he is earning here but the area we would need to live in is more expensive than where we are now so financially we would be about the same. I was born and brought up in London, my mum dad and sister all live within 30 minutes of me and they are the only family I have in the whole world and I would feel so guilty about leaving them especially my mum, she’s 70 this year and in very good health (works full time) but I know she won’t be around forever but I can’t help thinking life could be better for my kids out there, anyone?

The thing, which really put me off is the attitude someone I know met in school with her British ds when they went there on assignment a few years ago. The school scared him to death with talk of guns, the second amendment and right to bear arms. The schools attitude was basically that he was a sissy and needed to man up. He was about 8 and his parents ended up pulling him from school for his mental health.

This is a hard one - we have lived in SoCal for 6 years. Yes there are earthquakes, horrid attitudes to guns, a even more horrific president, high healthcare costs etc etc

BUT....we def have a better lifestyle here, DH earns more than twice the amount he would in the UK, he has unlimited paid time off in a really flexible job in tech, my career is growing much faster than in the UK, the weather is amazing and none of the above issues have actually had any impact on our lives (yet) so in theory we ought to stay

I miss being in the UK and being in Europe and being so far away from my family and friends (Although we have very regular visitors) but DH has no real connection to the UK anymore so it’s heartbreaking really.

California isn’t like living in the Midwest or the rural south, pretty much everyone we know is euro-living socialist democrat who thinks all guns should be outright banned, they do yoga and eat healthily and escape to mountains as often as possible....but it is very very far away

Pros: Amazing geography, brilliant outdoorsy life, cultural experience, many more unis available to choose from, generally shopping is quite cheap, friendly people and quite welcoming

Cons: Crap food, guns, healthcare, number of holidays is appaling(2 weeks a year?), california is bloody expensive, their tax system drove me mad.

Considering everything, you should probably look for a 2-3 year move. Enjoy the US, use the time to travel and check out the region and come back home. I would do that if I could.

Would never want to live somewhere you would want to send your kids off to school in bullet proof vests.

I'm from California & choose to live in UK, so you know what I'll say.

These things I most dislike(d):

Having to drive to do anything. Public transport awful, commuter cycling routes very few
Materialism (yes there's some in UK, too, but there's lots of reflexive frugal instincts, too)
A kind of culture of excess in other respects: eating out all the time, for instance, cars that are bigger on outside than on inside, malls you can only drive to or between, houses with vast unuseable spaces "cathedral ceilings".

Taking so little exercise.
Right wing politics. Orange county the richest county in California went bankrupt b/c they wouldn't raise taxes
Fervent pointed anti-intellectualism
Military industrial complex

The weather is great but they spoilt paradise with constant examples of environmental mismanagement. The things I miss are huge cultural diversity & my family (all there).

"Outdoor lifestyle": hahahaha. Growing up We sat watching TV for hours, sitting in cinema, sitting in the car, sitting in classrooms, gaming.... Not that ourdoorsy at all.

So this job is a promotion? Thinking tactically I would really consider if for a short period, to then boost career prospects for returning to the UK.

I love California. I've been many times to visit friends, although live in the UK. I can absolutely see the positives about living there. In your shoes I would be weighing up the finances and looking at the practicalities in real terms, eg healthcare and cost of education (if you stay that long).

I notice the people who don't live there said that they wouldn't partly because of the work/life balance. What's interesting to me is that several people who do live there say the work/life balance is so much better. I imagine it would be useful to OP to know why that is?

All I can say is we lived over there, my dad had a very senior job (international company) and even he got only 2 weeks annual leave a year.

I’d chose Canada every single time

My dad was so happy when he retired & he could make more time to travel. He was quite senior in his job so got 4 weeks of paid holiday per year.

Adult DS wanted to go visit CA to see family & I had to explain that it wasn't a gathering occasion (like Thanksgiving) so there wouldn't be any chance of seeing the big groups of family like he's used to. Everyone is working all the time, hence why the gatherings are a big deal. There's rampant & in my family that one of my cousins got to be a SAHM. Amazeballs her DH earnt so much that she didn't have to work (FT). My dad thinks it's wonderful marvellous that DH & I can juggle so that we almost always have an adult at home when DC are here.

It doesn’t have to be forever - it’s a career move and your DC are young enough to adapt to change easily. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Presumeably, your DH sought the opportunity and got it or is it completely out of the blue. I would go for it but I speak as someone who was prepared to move around for DH’s career until our eldest reached secondary school age. Dissenters are most often the people who have never left their hometown and would never contemplate doing so - you can’t expect them to be open minded about living in another country. Be brave! At least, there won’t be a language barrier.

If it’s a senior position, it’s not hard to negotiate at least 4 week’s annual leave or more - just depends how much they want you!

I have lived in the US, and have had a great time there.
At present I wouldn't do it - yes Trump etc. even puts me off even traveling to the US.
I would also need to investigate the numbers very carefully. California (unlike Maine) is very very expensive. You also have to budget for health insurance and the co-pays. Then there are the property taxes etc. And it is crucial to live in a good school district.

And finally moving with a US citizen makes it tricky if you split up (and quite a high number of relationships do fail when they move overseas).

I'd jump at a move overseas for a couple of years but I would say "no" to the US. Lots of the reasons already given, basically. I have family out there and the health care options from a good company seem great, until you actually need to use them for something serious. A family member ended up bankrupt because of a long term medical condition. They lost pretty much everything.

Then there's the politics and the prevailing social attitutudes. Not for me.

Also, I'm sure there's a thread on here from a woman stuck there. Her marriage has broken down but she's utterly dependent on her husband financially as she has no right to work there. She's also at risk of losing her children if she tries to leave. She never, ever thought she'd end up in that position. I think my marriage is solid but it's still not a risk I'd take. That's not an issue specific to the US but movingly there with a US citizen as a spouse, combined with their relevant regulations make it an option I'd be uncomfortable with.

Could you go for a couple of years and see how you get on? Friends did this - to the States and Australia also and are happy there (and I suspect not coming back!!) The kids have a great outdoors lifestyle too which is hard to beat here. I’d be tempted I must say!!

No, who wants to live in a country where many many people have a lurid obsession with guns and "defending themselves" with them.

I lived in California for 10 years both my DC were born there. We moved back to the UK for family support (DH & I are both British) mostly because DC1 has special needs and I had a bit of a breakdown trying to get him into a suitable school setting whilst working FT and looking after DC2 as well.

I loved it there though (I lived in a beach city near LA), and would go back in the future.

We've thought about it seriously as DH is a UK-US dual citizen. We've decided against it mainly because we have a close relationship with my family in the UK, similar to the OP where we live within a few miles of each other and often help out informally. I know we're not the type of people who'd find it easy to make new friends abroad (who we could trust to a similar extent to depend on as a support network), plus I feel that it's building up a lifelong relationship between our dcs and their cousins. Skype and annual visits just wouldn't be the same. We wouldn't get the same with DH's family abroad as they aren't as close knit as my family over here, plus my parents are retired so they can help out a lot, whereas DH's parents work f/t.

Financially I think it would probably be fairly equal in terms of quality of life for us (we live in London now and we'd probably only consider moving to certain areas of the US like California or NYC which tend to be high cost), and I think I wouldn't be too concerned about guns/politics - there are just as many issues in the UK really. I think it might have been something I'd have considered pre-dc - I would probably have liked the lifestyle as a young couple. But for us, family considerations are more important.

I've had 3 jobs in the US and all gave 25+ days annual leave. In my last job i had 33. DH has 25 but no one tracks how many you actually take there.

I wouldnt. I would prefer to emigrate to NZ or Australia. Not a fan of america

If I got seriously ill I would be moving back home ASAP.

Would you be well enough to fly though? Would you be entitled to use the NHS?

'I would not leave my natal family for anything. Your DH has already made that decision (to leave). What would you, personally, and as a family, be gaining by moving?'

This. And I say this as a person who did exactly what your H did - I moved here 16 years ago. I also wouldn't live in California for anything. It costs a fortune and it takes forever to get back to the UK. Might consider the east coast, but not CA. I lived there in my 20s and didn't care for it all.

Wow thanks didn’t expect so many replies. So we would be moving to sanfrancisco and dh job does come with really good health care cover and 4 weeks annual leave, it’s not really a promotion as he will be doing the same job as he is now but the money is twice as much and it could lead to more career progression in the future.

Where exactly in CA and what industry? That will make all the difference

We’re in LA and DH is in tech, he has unlimited holiday (they basically treat them like adults and expect them to get their work done and not let the team down) and flexible working hours too.

Someone’s post about a marriage breaking down and not being able to leave is worth considering though as this can happen no matter where you move to

I’d def do it for a few years but be warned we meant to be here for 3-4 and we’ve been here for 6, I still want to go home at some point but DH never wants to leave

They couldn't pay me enough to move to the US.

Still wouldn't go. SanFran is one of the most expensive cities in the world, too. I didn't like it, either.