Page 6 | Men: do you have standards re. who you would have sex with?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/03/2018 22:06

Village idiot reporting for duty.

In my late teens up to around 25, I was a priapic little shit. I would ask anyone for a shag, drunk, sober, all shapes and sizes. Once clothing had come off, I approached sex as a technical exercise. As long as she came at least twice, I considered my contribution was over. I would then bugger off. On 3 occasions I was propositioned: yes to 2, no to 1 because of the vibe. I had a ride on the other bus, as he was cheerful, clean and honest. That was fun.
Then I spent two years living in rural celibacy. The available pool was split between chicken gutters and crazed Tory showjumpers. Also I was now mostly sober.
Then I met DW and started a social life. That's when the propositioning started again. I was horrified. She was getting the same thing. Like Merteuil and Valmont, there are some right twats about. I can't cheat on DW: I owe her my oath, made in the presence of God and people who promised to break my legs. Of course, idle thoughts drift through my head, but at my age the sense of the ridiculous cuts in pretty quick.

ginandbearit · 14/03/2018 22:09

Er well man here again but my earlier post was removed ..possibly because i pointed out the reality of male sexual behaviour in certain mileau ...so i will just say carefully that i have had enjoyable consensual sex with women who in other circumstances i would not date nor they me ...think that's safe enough

HaroldsSoCalledBluetits · 14/03/2018 22:12

I'm another one who's a bit confused at the concept of "standards". Surely if you want to sleep with someone it's because you want to sleep with them? That could be for any reason. Ime some people jump into things more quickly and more often than others but I don't think it's a question of "standards". There are plenty of unattractive people of both sexes who aren't promiscuous but who are married - would you say their spouses had low standards?

clumsyduck · 14/03/2018 22:17

Yeh I'm not sure of the standards part completely either . Iv been with some conventionally attractive and some Ermmm not so much but I wanted to have Sex With them be that for a relationship or a quick fling

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 14/03/2018 22:19

Interesting question.

Re: the studies. I think many more women would but in the study mentioned near the start she is being propositioned. I think if she's instigating or it happens naturally I'd say 25% would be more accurate.

Most of my close friends post puberty (14 and up) have been make. I think yes there is more likelihood of a man saying "Fuck it, she's not that pretty but I still will". However I use the term not that pretty because I think they have to find them at least not hideous.

I think danger for women is also a big factor. If I could nearly guarantee I wouldn't be harmed and I was single I'd sure go for it. Preferably good looking but a good personality too.

Or maybe he just works it well. I'm not seeing him again so why does it matter?

But as the chances of a man feeling as nervous being alone with a female in say a hotel, is very low I find it hard to be comparable.

I've had a few bad experiences with men but would hate to lump men in a whole category.

clumsyduck · 14/03/2018 22:21

Yes there is definitely that element for women aswell. I would never go home with a stranger ( well if I was single and this was an issue ) and a big part of that would be potential danger

Itsthebullseye · 14/03/2018 22:22

Of my mates, some would shag absolutely anyone regardless of what size they were or what they looked like.

Others are more fussy. One will only sleep with slim pretty women. He rates himself though.

Personally I have to be attracted and that can be physically or mentally.

My DW said she slept with blokes when younger she didn’t really fancy just because they gave her attention,

AmIthatbloodycold · 14/03/2018 22:28

Hariono. Me too. This makes me feel worse

AmIthatbloodycold · 14/03/2018 22:28

Sorry Haribo

Joey7t8 · 14/03/2018 22:29

When it comes to standards for pure no-strings sex, it’s all about the body, and the only thing that tends to turn me off is when women are overweight.

scatter98 · 14/03/2018 22:38

I'm a woman I'd say my standards drop a point with each glass of wine when single.

Until I get to about 5/10, I haven't gone lower than that.

But it's all about a persons personal preferences. Without sounding like a twat I know that I'm considered attractive, my past two boyfriends were not seen as equally attractive as me but my god they were kind, fun and bloody hilarious. If someone can make me laugh and can engage with me and my type of humour then looks tend to not be an issue.

Oh and tattoos, he could be a complete arse but if the tattoos are right then I'm game

BadLad · 14/03/2018 22:40

would she have to be pretty/attractive for you to want to have sex with her, or does it not really matter.

Yes, she would. I wouldn't have sex with anyone whom I didn't find physically attractive.

It would only turn into anything long term if she was successful in her career, and preferably had a degree.

scatter98 · 14/03/2018 22:52

@AmIthatbloodycold @HariboIsMyCrack

If it makes you feel any better when I was 4 stone overweight I got chatted up constantly.

Now I've lost weight and am at my most attractive point and I never get chatted up! Twice in the last 2 years. I get looks and "wows" but no one approaches.

Again, without sounding like a twat - some men just go for the "sure thing" as they fear rejection as much as some women do. When I walk up to a man they looked scared at first, once we start talking they always question "why them" and seem fairly suspicious of me.

So don't feel bad, you are probably just too damn attractive for your own good

PencilledIn · 15/03/2018 07:56

I dated a man who said that there was no woman he wouldnt sleep with once. I found that so shock. So lacking in 'selection' I suppose. He dressed it up more eloquently than every hole is a goal!

Slarti · 15/03/2018 12:03

Surely it's quite shallow to judge someone purely on their looks.

outabout · 15/03/2018 12:52

@Slarti
Agree completely but look at the whole of the 'fashion and beauty industries based on it.

expatinscotland · 15/03/2018 12:58

'Surely it's quite shallow to judge someone purely on their looks.'

Of course it isn't. Physical attraction is a powerful pull. Humans are hard-wired to respond to it.What's good looking to one isn't to another.

Graphista · 15/03/2018 13:00

Slarti on an intellectual level yes but sexual attraction is primarily physical.

Again studies show this, women who are not on hormonal treatments are more attracted to certain physical attributes and this is more so when they're ovulating.

Weird couple of things this thread has thrown up re ex

Choosing a partner not into sex so they can get away with being crap in bed - ✔️

Will cheat if they think they can get away with it ✔️

And now a reminder from myself - was on the pill when I met him right until we decided to ttc when I came off it I wasn't as attracted to him (but put it down to other factors stupidly) ✔️

Thinks he's a lot more attractive than he is ✔️ (Even now he's greying, balding and beer bellied still thinks he's gods gift and somehow manages to cheat on wife 2 - yea he's not the brightest)

NordicNobody · 15/03/2018 13:39

I have slept with someone once who I wasn't attracted to. I was blind, and I mean next to blackout drunk. Woke up the next morning and just could not have possibly been less attracted to him. He left pretty quick and I never heard from him again, so it wasn't a case of stringing someone along or finding him attractive enough to sleep with but not date iyswim. Other than that I've never slept with someone I didn't find physically attractive. I've also never slept with someone I knew to be a total asshole just because they were physically attractive. Maybe it's shallow but I just can't see how anyone could date or soberly have sex with someone they actively found unattractive. I know plenty of wonderful, caring, interesting, intelligent men who I'm in no way attracted to. That's why they're my friends not my boyfriends!

Graphista · 15/03/2018 14:00

Op no offence but maybe he thought you weren't very into him? I don't mean you need to have sex with someone if you're not ready but turning his approaches down plus possibly other factors may have led him to think that? And cut his losses?

I think women sometimes forget that men can feel vulnerable too.

My brother almost split quite early on with his first wife because she seemed to withdraw and he didn't know why and he assumed she'd decided he wasn't the right guy for her so almost "got in there first", as a protective thing as he really liked her, turned out she had some serious work stress going on which also mean she wasn't available for dates and wasn't in the best of moods when she was (understandably) but also didn't yet feel she knew bro well enough to "burden" him. It all got sorted but sometimes it's misunderstandings.

NCbecauseidontwanttooutasaman · 15/03/2018 14:44

In my single days which were 20 years ago my standards were generally lower in theory than practise. I'd trot out the lines mentioned above but there were times when a one night stand was on and I declined based on the attractiveness of the girl in question. Having said that I definitely slept with someone I found ugly, slept with someone else who was attractive but was a thoroughly unpleasant character, I had plenty of beer prior to both. I went with someone who I didn't find attractive (although not ugly) but liked as person and after the first time of sleeping together the personality mattered more because waking up next to someone that you don't like but don't want to be rude to by running at the earliest opportunity is soul crushing.

NCbecauseidontwanttooutasaman · 15/03/2018 14:47

As a married man I've had offers of payment in kind which I've turned down. Whether I'd have accepted them when single I don't know. It's the kind of thing I'd have liked in theory but when push came to shove I'd probably rather have the cash.

Goldenbug · 16/03/2018 19:08

my 'standards' have changed over the years. The older I get the older a partner Blah Blah Blah... - Me.

The word "standards" bugged me since I wrote it. Sounds like I rate everybody in a linear fashion out of 10, with a minimum sleep with level. "Tastes" I think is the word that would have fitted better. "My tastes have changed over the years..."

YetAnotherUser · 16/03/2018 19:16

I've had sex with women it probably would have been better to turn down...

However I find it incredibly difficult to have sex with someone too far down the scale of what I find attractive, as it just doesn't get/stay hard.

Pinkvoid · 16/03/2018 19:25

As a woman I can confirm I have slept with some absolute arseholes in my time on account of being drunk. I’ve never gone for conventionally attractive guys, I’m attracted to intelligence above all else and ‘quirkiness’ so I wouldn’t put any of them down as absolute stunners... oh and I had a relationship with an arsehole for a while too in my younger years.

As far as men go, I have met a fair few that will honestly sleep with anyone. The arsehole I dated had slept with eighty people by 26. I dated another guy who admitted he had slept with a woman who had literal shit in her arse and a vag that smelt like trout just because he was lonely so... I’d say some men don’t give a shit.