Men: do you have standards re. who you would have sex with?

[IsThisTrueJustThinking]

Or do you not really mind. Say you’d been on a couple of dates with someone, would she have to be pretty/attractive for you to want to have sex with her, or does it not really matter.

I'm not a man but yes some men do actually have standards and wait for the right person believe it or not.

I was on a hook up site for a bit, just having a er... feel around, we'll say! For what was out there.
I had no photos up.
Within 15 minutes I had over 10 messages asking me to fuck them, most of which were accompanied by dick pictures. I logged out for 3 hours and came back to 104 messages. Based on that I'd say most men will go with anything with a pulse tbh. I had no description or "about me" indicating what I looked like, I had no pictures. Nothing. I could've been a stunning size 6 or an obese size 26 with facial hair or anything in between.
FYI, I deleted my account.

@MeanTangerine that's interesting and from what I've seen anecdotally is true. It must have something to do with women carrying the risk of sex, eg pregnancy.

I've asked DP about this before, because he's slept with loads more people than me, including a mutual acquaintance who is just a seriously horrible person inside and out. He told me that he enjoys sex so when he's single and there's an opportunity to have it, he does so. I don't work like that. I need an emotional connection before I do anything physical, and obviously physical attraction also helps! Dunno if that's indicative of any inherent male/female distinction though, would be a bit of a stretch to claim that it is.

@Firesuit

If you were a male you would be absolutely convinced of your own attractiveness and deserving-ness and attractive women propositioning you out of nowhere would seem perfectly sensible

@kaytee87

I agree - the consequences of sex are far riskier for women than for men.

@Meantangerine How did the researchers control for the likely difference in safety concerns?

In general, I would imagine women will be much more cautious about agreeing to go to a random stranger's room than men will be. I would suggest that sex may not have been the reason for the difference in response rate.

Is any of this making anyone else never want to have sex again?

Btw, I am an obese Size 26 with facial hair and I get sex whenever I fancy it.

A man once said to me "You don't look at the mantlepiece when you're poking the fire"

Male 'bravado' or whatever may suggest they would but beyond the early 20's or totally rat arsed on holiday I would expect that most would not. I definitely wouldn't and I don't think anyone I know would either.
If you had a thousand pounds and walked past a really nice cake shop/sweet shop, would you go in and buy one or more of everything in the window?
There is never a 'free lunch'.

@LannieDuck

I don't think they did - they were looking at whether one sex is more likely to consent to sex with a stranger. Safety concerns quite likely play a part in the difference, but it's not certain how big. For example, in culture where women are relatively liberated, e.g. Norway, women are less likely to have stranger sex than in more oppressive societies, where having sex with a stranger could have real negative consequences socially. Moreover, safety concerns themselves are culturally mediated and difficult to measure.

"How likely would you be to have sex with a complete stranger who you knew was completely trustworthy?" contains an inherent contradiction, so would be pretty tricky to design a study for. It might be worth noting @Firesuit's response - that she would wonder what the catch was. Presumably safety is a concern for some of the men as well. It would be interesting to know the proportion of men who consider it risky but do it anyway, versus those who don't see it as risky.

I was wondering this the other day...under what circumstance would I have sex with anyone ...basically the answer was that I probably wouldn't.

Yea my experience is most men will shag anyone who'll let them. Depressingly.

Had some interesting conversations with fwb/Fb's about this kinda thing. They're not gonna get "grief" from me about their answers so I think I get pretty (but not totally) honest answers.

I fall somewhere between the 2 extremes I guess in terms of men's and women's behaviour. I like casual sex and I'm not interested in a relationship but I do need to be physically attracted to and be able to have a reasonable conversation with them. I can't be doing with the kind of people it's like drawing teeth to get more than one word answers Out of.

"men" are not an entity, some either prefer have sex with other men you know

Listening to some of the conversations from guys in the office, some wouldn't even go on a second date if they didn't find her attractive.

That said, surely it's the same for men and women, you can find someone attractive enough to have a fling, but you wouldn't dream of dating them!

If I remember correctly from my A Level Psychology (not recent):

Re difference between the sexes in their sex drive (slightly different from OPs question). There was a study of gay men and lesbian women from late 70s San Francisco.

Average number of sexual partners for women was ~2.5. For men it was ~300.

Obviously can’t extrapolate to say that all men will shag anything... but it’s fair to say there’s, on average, a difference.

Meantangerine Yeah, I'm not sure how you'd design a better study, but I just don't think that one (as described) really measures likelihood to consent to sex. I might be inclined to agree to sex with a stranger (if not in a relationship), but there's no way I'd agree to go back to some random person's house.

But then, I guess the two things are interlinked in 'the real world' anyway so I may be overthinking it.

I'm male, but not someone who has ever had a one night stand type thing. In principle though I could easily find a good 75 % of women in a relevant age range physically attractive ”enough” for me to sleep with. Sounds weird now I write it down. I guess what I mean is, that there's not a huge amount of purely physical things which are a total turn off.

It would be interesting to know if men would have the same standards if they could have sex without anyone ever knowing it. I know a few guys who wouldn't be seen dead with somebody who is overweight, but is it because of personal taste, or because they are wary of being mocked about it?

Thanks bungaloid at last a male perspective . I may just have to actually ask my DH this

Cucaracha - that's an issue even on the casual hook up scene, lots of guys physically attracted to larger women - but who won't meet them in public. I'm a larger woman I won't meet up with those types, I have SOME standards

Graphista the sad thing is that some of these men are quite overweight themselves...

Lots of men are awful and say shit things about women like any hole is a goal. Men in general, or the ones I've met have lower standards than women.

Also true. The arrogance of some is astounding if you turn them down. "I was doing you a favour" type responses (and that's putting it VERY mildly) when honestly they REALLY aren't