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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men: do you have standards re. who you would have sex with?

151 replies

IsThisTrueJustThinking · 14/03/2018 17:28

Or do you not really mind. Say you’d been on a couple of dates with someone, would she have to be pretty/attractive for you to want to have sex with her, or does it not really matter.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 14/03/2018 19:16

cucaracha Wed 14-Mar-18 18:33:52
"Graphista the sad thing is that some of these men are quite overweight themselves"

Otherwise known as misogynists.

HariboIsMyCrack · 14/03/2018 19:18

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

PrettyLittIeThing · 14/03/2018 19:18

He can fancy you but not want a relationship with you. Didn't that cross your mind?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 14/03/2018 19:22

DH says it depends on how much they want sex. Most men will say and do anything to get into a girls pants.

Tbf, I’ve been similar myself in the past.

Freudian · 14/03/2018 19:24

Man here.

In a marriage and would not cheat.

When single would sleep with most women who were available. (As long as clean smelt fresh and were sober and up for it)

Easy not to have emotional connection with sex. Actually preferred to chase if sex wasn't available.

My wife made me wait - although not explicitly said, until 18 months of seeing each other and i had proposed. She felt valuable to me.

Neurotics are not attractive to men in the long term. Be honest, be funny, be caring and we will fall for you. Be slutty - we will shag and go.

HelenaDove · 14/03/2018 19:26

Ooh A live one Hmm

kaytee87 · 14/03/2018 19:26

slutty Hmm what word would you use to describe the way you were whilst single?

Kestant · 14/03/2018 19:28

Could see that coming.

Graphista · 14/03/2018 19:28

Erm yea cos God forbid women actually enjoy sex just for the sake of it and not want a relationship Hmm

handslikecowstits · 14/03/2018 19:28

HariboIsMyCrack

Same here. Sad

outabout · 14/03/2018 19:29

I would expect to be 'dating' for months before actually contemplating sex as being 'possible'. The urge and interest may be there but things like respect for others comes into play. I look for a relationship. Sex could be mindblowingly fantastic but being a bit practical you can't do it 24/7.
@hearts and bears, you are mixing with the wrong crowd. Having spent far too long on MN there is a pretty strong undercurrent of unpleasantness around so you need fairly thick skin.

randomchap · 14/03/2018 19:30

When I was single I was happy to sleep with women with a wide range of physical characteristics. I did have standards, just not ones that were physical. Confidence, flirtiness and humour were far more of a turn on.

Some blokes I know would only sleep with conventionally attractive women, even if they were really dull, or even tories.

Graphista · 14/03/2018 19:31

Haribo and others who feel similarly I suspect it's more likely you didn't notice you were being chatted up, I've a few friends like that, completely oblivious when someone fancies them

HelenaDove · 14/03/2018 19:31

Some men dont want a woman whos into sex because then its more likely they can get away with the roll on roll off technique (crap sex) and not bother even trying to make the woman orgasm.

Men with a Madonna/whore complex.

MephistophelesApprentice · 14/03/2018 19:33

When I was a teenager, it would have been any woman who was basically hygienic.

In my 20s, anyone with whom I had even the most shallow mental connection.

Nowadays a mental connection and something unique or different.

handslikecowstits · 14/03/2018 19:34

Graphista Lovely sentiment but no, I'm very self aware. Too shy.

All men say they want confident women. I'm not. Tant pis, as they say.

HopelesslyHopeful87 · 14/03/2018 19:43

Just asked dp for his opinion.

If he had 100% guarantee I would never find out that he'd cheated he still wouldn't because he would know he'd done it and he'd feel like shit about doing it. So a conscience thing there.

If he was single and had a guaranteed shag she wouldn't have to be attractive. Pure one night stand, never see again, definitely no need to be attractive. If they're not attractive then don't go back for seconds and certainly wouldn't consider making it a date.

Bexter801 · 14/03/2018 19:44

Anyone else think Freudian was extreme using the term 'man' for himself :/

Kestant · 14/03/2018 19:44

Being shy or sensitive is attractive to some handslike nothing is ever mutually exclusive. Perhaps the greatest confidence is being yourself.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/03/2018 19:47

Freudian thank you for your honesty.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/03/2018 19:49

And piss off anyone who dismisses him for his honesty.

TalbotAMan · 14/03/2018 19:50

Yes, I do.

I'm probably unusual, I'll grant you, but I am on the fastidious side and have a catholic upbringing, and I don't like the idea of sharing what I consider an intimate part of my anatomy with just anyone.

Bexter801 · 14/03/2018 19:56

@ThroughThickAndThin01 I'm guessing that one might be aimed at me :) I won't lower myself to cursing,however not going to be made feel bad at highlighting that first and foremost before any comment made,he makes out like he's some modern day hero,answering to 'us lower class'

TalbotAMan · 14/03/2018 19:56

TheLastSoala

It's something we're probably not allowed to say anymore, but a lot of straight men find the ultra-promiscuity of some gay men to be outside their comfort zone.

Personally, I've never had a ONS and (hypothetically -- I'm not currently single) don't think I ever would want one.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/03/2018 19:59

Bexter the opening post is...Men...So not unreasonable a poster says Man... no?