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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have told me they’d taken it?

306 replies

Maybellissimo · 14/03/2018 17:12

My best friend died of stomach cancer 5 years ago and left me a few of her possessions, one of which being a Victorian plant stand. A few months ago I decided to get it French polished so I arranged for a friend to come and collect it on a Friday morning. He was stuck in traffic so he told me to leave it on my driveway as he was only 5 mins away and I had to leave for work. I left it behind the wheelie bins it was partially obscured but you would have to move the bin to get to it. I got to work and found a message on my phone from my friend saying that the stand wasn’t there. I was really upset and cross with myself for leaving it outside but I accepted the fact it had gone but felt really sad due to the sentimental value attached to it. We had a loft conversion done and i went up to have a look and we have a good view of our neighbours garden. I was shocked to see my plant stand in their garden, painted black and with a new top nailed to it. I showed my husband and he said leave it don’t say anything but AIBU yo knock on their door and have a go at them for not asking me if they could have it?

OP posts:
Cuppaoftea · 14/03/2018 20:18

To add, the Wife might be nice and a reasonable person but she's not going to effectively shop her husband to you for stealing. My guess is you'll get an 'I'm so sorry I can't help you' answer.

randallandhopkirk · 14/03/2018 20:19

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Westiegirl3 · 14/03/2018 20:20

I would be very upset in your situation.

Next to my bin I have 3 garden plant pots, if someone takes them it's theft in my eyes

Avasarala · 14/03/2018 20:22

I enjoyed your post Randall!

Good luck OP; if you can't get it back, I hope karma gets your neighbours!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/03/2018 20:27

You left it by the bins. If it had been bin collection day, the binmen would have taken it... Surely you could have waited if your friend was only 5 minutes away, rather than leave a valuable object beside the bins?!

ImTheMary · 14/03/2018 20:29

OP, I'm so sorry - this is just horrible to read and I can't imagine how awful it must have felt seeing it in thei garden. You really do assume most people are decent and then they go and deny it being yours and then move it.

Hopefully the wife will have some sympathy tomorrow and do the right thing. I might be tempted to take a photo of your friend, explain the whole story (not that you should have to but if you then want to tell her that you may have to consider getting the police involved it might make her see youre deadly serious and you have good reason to be upset).

If they don't budge then it's awful but it's not the end of the world and at least you are a decent person and they are horrible fuckers who have destroyed a perfectly good neighbourly relationship. They'll have to live with it.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 14/03/2018 20:32

Stop victim blaming - she's had an expensive, sentimental object stolen from her property and some of you lot are being absolute CUNTS.

Pot. Kettle.

diddl · 14/03/2018 20:33

"You left it by the bins. If it had been bin collection day, the binmen would have taken it..."

But it wasn't & neither the bin nor the plant stand were out for collection.

"Surely you could have waited if your friend was only 5 minutes away, rather than leave a valuable object beside the bins?!"

I'm sure Op wishes that she had done.

tolerable · 14/03/2018 20:34

if you approach them,nicely,non accuse\aggressive ...but be straight.you can see it,explain your one and it getting left out for alternative reason if they are remotely reasonable theyll give you it straight back. in which case,tho long route your back where you started/no harm done. Am not sure how that goes if theyre twats tho..good luck.x

Basseting · 14/03/2018 20:39

Dont grump at them (even if you feel justified)
Dont tell them it has any value.
Say your friend died of cancer and left it for you and it was left outside in error.
PLEASE can you have it back as it means a great deal to you?

Mind, I left a small white rose bush (bought for me by my then H in memory of my miscarriage) in the front garden. I'd explained to the purchasers before anyway but it wasnt put in the legal docs. On moving day we ran out of time to remove it( H and I each thought the other had done so) and so I asked if I could come back the next day and they said No it is still in their front garden (I am glad it is still growing beautifully but I thought it was incredibly mean of them).

Good luck!

Arkestra · 14/03/2018 20:42

Trying the wife sounds like a good idea. Good luck Flowers

Basseting · 14/03/2018 20:42

Sorry, OP, should have read further down. People can be gits!

StepAwayFromGoogle · 14/03/2018 20:42

Best of luck tomorrow, OP, I hope your faith in the wife isn't misplaced. And give your DH a good talking to as well, he's being a twat.

Avasarala · 14/03/2018 20:44

Basseting, are you nearby? If you know they both work, just pop by and take a cutting from the rose bush (trying not to be seen lol). Roses grow really well from cuttings so you had it growing in your own garden in no time! And they are not going to notice a couple of stems missing!

NeverTooOldForAnything · 14/03/2018 20:45

Good luck OP

jocktamsonsbairn · 14/03/2018 20:49

No you're not BU

PotteryLady · 14/03/2018 20:54

Good luck 😉

WinstonlovesJulia1984 · 14/03/2018 20:58

He's 100% the one who took it it's the kind of thing he does

OP are you saying your neighbour has form for this kind of behaviour?

There was such a small window of time in which they had the chance to take it, between you leaving it behind the bins and your friend turning up - I'm picturing them surveying the scene like opportunistic magpies!

MrsCrabbyTree · 14/03/2018 20:59

Hope your neighbours never ever need a favour of you as you will without doubt be able to say no so easily after this stunt.

Basseting · 14/03/2018 20:59

Avasarala that's a very good idea - I think he works from home, the rose isnt very accessible and there are lots of nosey neighbours. But, I might try. Thank you.x

ballerini · 14/03/2018 21:03

I can't believe they stole that - it was left unattended for all of 20 minutes! They must have been watching out of the window when you left it there!
I would have had my friend who came to pick it up down as a liar who'd stolen it unless it's a particularly busy road!

WinstonlovesJulia1984 · 14/03/2018 21:04

Basseting if you had explained to them why the rose bush was significant to you, their heartlessness is beyond belief. It's such a small request - why would anyone say no?

honeyroar · 14/03/2018 21:07

Id drop a note through their door saying you're asking one final time, that this item belonged to your friend, who died of cancer, and you are heartbroken that it's gone. Say you will forgive and forget if it is returned.

Jenna43 · 14/03/2018 21:14

That's awful OP, cheeky feckers. I would tell them the whole story and that you want it back.

Jenna43 · 14/03/2018 21:16

Sorry I should have rtftBlush. I hope the wife is understanding and you get it back.