To tell son's MIL-to-be to bog off

[LavenderH]

My son's MIL-to-be (they're getting married in June) is completely outspoken, bullish, controlling and downright rude - obviously, I do not like her! But that is beside the point. The point is that she has demanded that I watch my 3-year old DGD at the upcoming wedding (which I don't mind doing, seeing as he's a lamb and I love her to pieces) and has also made it clear in front of all of the family members that she 'expects' that I will NOT even have a glass of champagne to toast at my son's wedding. I don't drink, so in her logic I should be the one to watch my GD and should not even have a sip of champers. She also demands, as MOTB, that she be allowed to choose her "colours" for her outfit before I purchase mine, basically listing all of the colours of the rainbow that I should 'avoid' until she makes her choice. I told her that I'd wait until she decided and then buy a dress afterwards, but as the wedding is in June, I have a feeling she will leave it very late just to be awkward. AIBU if I just tell her, politely, to bog off?

I would.

She can fuck off with her batshitery.

Yes of course tell her to bog off! You are an adult and if you wish to celebrate your sons wedding - you will! One glass of champagne with a nice meal will go down very nicely.

And tell her your dress will be multi-coloured.

I'm not sure I'd tell her to bog off, but I wouldn’t wait to buy my outfit either; she can 'demand'all she likes... Don't engage the crazies.

She sounds a right pain in the arse. I think I'd give her the date you plan to go shopping for your outfit. If she's chosen hers by then, fine, if not, she's had her chance!

Yes as a mil myself I would laugh at her and get my outfit this weekend! I would then send her a photo of me in it quaffing champagne.

Silly cow

She sounds nuts but for the sake of peace I would fall in line (except for the glass of bubbly, just agree and have the bloody drink when the time comes).

Every you do something because of old bossy pants send your sin a message that says 'I love you son' to remind you why you're doing it.

Are they planning children? I foresee further posts

Your poor son
She probably knows your DGD would rather be with you so, by making a big deal of it being 'your duty', she thinks other guests won't see this reality.

YANBU.

Might as well set her straight now before she decides she can call the shots forever.
What’s she like with your ds? I hope they live some distance from her.

Dear God, she sounds like hard work. Give her a deadline to decide and tell her all bets are off after that.

Is she paying for the wedding, who put her in charge?

I think I'd give her the date you plan to go shopping for your outfit. If she's chosen hers by then, fine, if not, she's had her chance!

I think it's reasonable to suggest May 1st as a deadline!

They already have children.

I’d just nod and smile and then do your own thing. Buy you clothes whenever you want and don’t show her until the end. The chances of you clashing are very minute.

This lady has no authority over you. Please go ahead and buy your dress if you want to. There is absolutely no reason why you even need to tell her when you get it and what it looks like. It is not her wedding.
If you want to look after your grand daughter then do. Do it in the way you want to though. This is your son's child not hers. You are just as much her grandmother as your son's MIL to be.

Wear what you want. Why on earth is she dictating what you wear?

Is she paying for the wedding, who put her in charge?

She is paying towards the wedding, but she's just a pain in the arse controlling really

Oh the granddaughter is hers too?

God your poor ds. I wouldn’t put up with shit like this. No way

That's more than reasonable @LavenderH! You sound like a very nice MOTG!

The best thing would be for you to build a really strong relationship with your future dil and also try empowering your son whenever you can so he can stand strong against such a dominant person.

Is she threatened by you do you think?

She sounds awful but your probably should coordinate with her about what you're wearing. You don't want to clash.

Well if you don’t drink I don’t see the problem?

Just tell her if she texts you straight after she’s got the outfit you’ll avoid the colour and you’ll text her straight away with your colour regardless of who gets it first. First one gets bagsies.

Although if you really want to piss her off tell her that you’re wearing black. Lace. Full length. With a veil.

try empowering your son whenever you can so he can stand strong against such a dominant person.

DS stays out of most of it, but speaks up when he needs to, he's very smart to ignore most of the nonsense she comes out with so that he has more of a say when he does speak up about the important things

i had the opposite with my daughters upcoming wedding i bought a navy blue dress without asking her what colour bridesmaids dresses she had picked, yep youved guessed it navy blue, cue one mother of the bride going out and getting a different dress