To tell son's MIL-to-be to bog off

[LavenderH]

My son's MIL-to-be (they're getting married in June) is completely outspoken, bullish, controlling and downright rude - obviously, I do not like her! But that is beside the point. The point is that she has demanded that I watch my 3-year old DGD at the upcoming wedding (which I don't mind doing, seeing as he's a lamb and I love her to pieces) and has also made it clear in front of all of the family members that she 'expects' that I will NOT even have a glass of champagne to toast at my son's wedding. I don't drink, so in her logic I should be the one to watch my GD and should not even have a sip of champers. She also demands, as MOTB, that she be allowed to choose her "colours" for her outfit before I purchase mine, basically listing all of the colours of the rainbow that I should 'avoid' until she makes her choice. I told her that I'd wait until she decided and then buy a dress afterwards, but as the wedding is in June, I have a feeling she will leave it very late just to be awkward. AIBU if I just tell her, politely, to bog off?

Well if you don’t drink I don’t see the problem?

It is more about her policing, and denying me a bloody sip of champers to toast my son's wedding, it made me feel like "the help"

Tell her your dress is white.

@isseywithcats oh dear

1. Decide what couloir you definitely don’t want to wear
2. Tell her you are wearing that colour
3. She’ll insist that is her colour and you need something else
4. Profit
5. Er
6. That’s it

Bonus points if it’s s colour that looks bad on her

Dare I ask, what's your relationship like with your future DIL?

What do your son and dil2b say about it?

My daughter gets married in June also. I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else wears (Unless it's white )

I would certainly be toasting and ignoring that request.

@StringandGlitter It is funny you said that because she keeps banging on about orange and I told her I'd seen a lovely orange dress (I hadn't), hoping it'll make her shortlist and look just LOVELY next to the mint green bridesmaid dresses

I'd just wear what you like. What's she going to do about it? Throw you out? And then she'd have no one to watch your dgd.

Ignore and enjoy watching her blood pressure rise.

DIL is an angel, truly lovely person and brilliant mother to GD, she was visibly annoyed at her mother's comments and apparently had a word with her after I left

Although if you really want to piss her off tell her that you’re wearing black. Lace. Full length. With a veil.

I can't stop laughing

Just go ahead and buy the dress of your own choosing, ignore the MOTB, not just at the wedding, but as a general rule of thumb.

Have a lovely day at your sons wedding and enjoy your champagne. (If MOTB doesn’t want anyone drinking whilst looking after gd, she can give up her booze, it’s just for the day)

Don't engage her... she thrives on the debate.. ignore her at all costs

buy your outfit in the colour of your choice... and you will absolutely be drinking a glass to celebrate your Sons wedding..

I'd ignore any attempt by her to dominate you or your choices.. regardless of how many 'orders' she sends via whichever relative

You really have to have a glass of champagne to toast the couple or get the staff to sneak you a fizzy apple juice in a champagne glass. Make sure you hold it nice and high and down it in one. 🤣

@isseywithcats I did know that mine has picked navy blue and am sighing to myself as I look around the shops and see so many lovely navy blue dresses that would suit me. I don't really want to look like an extra, elderly bridesmaid, tho, so am resisting the temptation!

Had a lovely polite message via my SIL to be, from his mother, asking if could let her know what colour I was choosing so that she could then choose hers.

If MOTB doesn’t want anyone drinking whilst looking after gd, she can give up her booze, it’s just for the day

No chance she wants to get trollied and wants an extra buffet for the evening

But a dress, tell her it was so perfect you couldn’t resist , you know she will understand! and it’s colour x.
Drink whatever you like and if she wants to sit there at the wedding looking constipated that’s op to her :)

Buy the dress you want, when you want, drink what you want whenever you want to, and don't argue with or get involved with another adult who tries to pull this kind of weird shit on you.

(And be really, really supportive of your DIL, but don't bang on to her how odd her mother is.)

Wait until she buys her dress. Then say “ooooh, sorry - I forgot about waiting. I’m wearing magenta too. I bet we’ll look LOVELY in matching outfits though.” And watch her head spin

Tell her you'll be wearing lime green and orange, and you INSIST that these be your colours. And she can't possibly talk you out of them.

Line up a load of shot glasses full of water on the bar and make eye contact as you down them.

Tell her to bolt.

Buy the same outfit deliberately lol

Ask the bride if she minds what colour you wear. Maybe buy a nice dress that's more than one colour. Don't worry about this woman. At least you don't have to spend all your days with her!! :)

Line up a load of shot glasses full of water on the bar and make eye contact as you down them.

I like your style, dingdong.

Wait til she buys her dress then buy the same one and wear it better.

Well if you don’t drink I don’t see the problem?

So you are quite happy with people randomly ordering you around and treating you like one of their subjects?