Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact an ex-bf from ancient history to help my daughter?

86 replies

cheekyfecker15 · 13/03/2018 16:43

My first bf was, I thought, the love of my life but we split up over 30 years ago and I met my dh not long after and have been married for 27 years soon. Ex-BF was a photographer and now has a studio. DD is 17 and hates school. She is desperate to be a photographer. Is it unreasonable to ask ex-bf whether he has any positions for an apprentice? He is in another city, but I could sort out accommodation for dd and I really have no desire to see him at all. Would just say I knew him a long time ago and know he benefited from working with a photog as an apprentice. What do you reckon? Is it potentially too messy? A bit cringey? Or just a bizarre form of networking! (Have name-changed to protect the identify of all involved!).

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 13/03/2018 16:44

Depends on if you've been in contact the past 27 years?

DietCokeGirrrrrl · 13/03/2018 16:46

I would think it slightly odd if you've had no contact since then. Are there any other photographers in your vicinity you could speak to about the same opportunity?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 13/03/2018 16:46

You say she is desperate but has she done any courses or tried other photographers for work experience first?

Original poster
cheekyfecker15 · 13/03/2018 16:46

No contact at all. I moved away. We didn't break up horribly and I did see him a while after and we almost hooked back up, but it didn't happen.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 13/03/2018 16:48

You can’t write to someone who you’ve not contacted for 27 years and ask for a favour.

Original poster
cheekyfecker15 · 13/03/2018 16:49

She has done a few photo shoots for voluntary organisations. Takes her camera to gigs when she's allowed. We don't have any studios based locally that do fashion shots. We are in a strange city for that kind of thing. Have been looking for apprenticeships all over. She may have to just ride out her A Levels and be buggered. Am just thinking of all ways I can possibly help. And so much of how you get into this kind of field is who you know, not what you know.

OP posts:
milkjetmum · 13/03/2018 16:49

I'd say don't do it, you don't know him anymore really, and I'm sure there are plenty of photographers nearby so no need to do it. If he was doing something rare like being a coral reef expert in Australia and she wanted to be a marine biologist it would be different! But still would be a bit weird

Original poster
cheekyfecker15 · 13/03/2018 16:50

Not asking for a favour, but just asking if he takes people on...knowing he's a decent bloke and he is into the kind of photography she wants to do.

OP posts:
BiologyMatters · 13/03/2018 16:50

Of course not he doesn't owe you anything. If your daughter can't see a way to a career in photography then she'll have to think of something else.

Babyg1995 · 13/03/2018 16:51

don't do it too weird is there any other reason you would like to contact him?

MaiaRindell · 13/03/2018 16:51

I think you could send him an e mail to ask advice for your daughter, but not ask him about an apprenticeship.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 13/03/2018 16:51

Your daughter is 17, she can find her own apprenticeship.

If your ex never existed she would have to find someone else. You’re depending on him having some residual feelings towards you so he will do you a favour.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/03/2018 16:52

If any of my Exs, or anyone else I hadn't spoken to in years, contacted me to ask for career advice or to mentor their DCS I would think it weird.

YWBU to contact this person OP.

FlyingMonkeys · 13/03/2018 16:53

Can she not enrol at college to study? I'm pretty sure there'd be a course she could pay for, possibly even a night class? Why doesn't she email some of her work to local photographs and see if they would let her do an apprenticeship or even pop along the studio on weekends to help out.

issaflame · 13/03/2018 16:53

Please don't do it

Original poster
cheekyfecker15 · 13/03/2018 16:53

Yeah...I thought it was odd. Hence asking here rather than just sending an email to him. Such a shame, though. I will look for similar studios, see if we can find anything and approach them cold. Not holding out much hope. We have said dd will just have to get herself out in the community, on social media, entering competitions, etc. But will have to stay at school.

OP posts:
emsyj37 · 13/03/2018 16:55

There are tons of formal learning courses for photography. She has lots of post-A level options other than getting her mum to set up unpaid work experience.

emsyj37 · 13/03/2018 16:57

Oh, and if she wants to do portfolio building then try purpleport or modelmayhem. She really is old enough to find this stuff out herself though - if she actually really wants to be a photographer.

Kitchenbound · 13/03/2018 16:57

Neh i would contact him. I wouldn't ask him to give her an apprenticeship i would ask if he has any advise on the best way to get one. If he offers then that's great. If not and he gives you advise then that's also great. If he isn't interested in helping at all then what have you lost?

jjmc0616 · 13/03/2018 16:59

The 'worst' he can say is no, with perhaps a few other words. Your dd wants to do something and you want to help her. Has dh said no don't do it.

FlyingMonkeys · 13/03/2018 16:59

An email probably wouldn't be too bad... you could ask if he knows anyone local who could help, or point dd in the right direction? I definitely wouldn't suggest an apprenticeship with him though.

Cuppaoftea · 13/03/2018 17:01

Just no. Why would you think of dropping your DD in to the weirdness of that situation.

Loveglee · 13/03/2018 17:02

I’ll go against the grain here - I have worked in a similar industry (as in, one where knowing people is invaluable) and I’d say there’s absolutely no harm in asking. Maybe not for an apprenticeship outright, but for some advice or even a weeks work experience. What have you got to lose? You don’t ask, you don’t get....

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/03/2018 17:02

These two statements he was the love of my life
and I saw him a while after and we almost hooked back up

make me think it's a bad idea to get back in touch.
Leave it in the past.

Guardsman18 · 13/03/2018 17:03

I'd ask him. He can always say no. What is there to lose?

Swipe left for the next trending thread