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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

344 replies

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 09:19

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

OP posts:
Efferlunt · 13/03/2018 10:01

I get that there are times when people park on the pavement but driving on it is completely unacceptable.

If you overreacted so what. I was crossing a zebra crossing with my DS5 and a van driver reversed on to it - I totally lost it with him, full screaming in the street style. Not ideal but when you think your kid could have been killed by an irresponsible twunk - it’s understandable.

Wdigin2this · 13/03/2018 10:02

You haven't overreacted, this man put your child's life in danger, what if he'd fallen!! I'd report him to the police!!

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 10:02

Worra they are well trained to stop at driveways. I have instilled the fear of god into them about that since they were tiny.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 13/03/2018 10:02

And whether or not your dc should have been ahead of you, the presence of the dc did not cause the van to drive along the pavement. The driver did that all by himself.

Ruffian · 13/03/2018 10:02

YANBU - 'apologies' like that seem deliberately goading - oh I'm so sorry that you're in the wrong.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 10:03

I agree Worra. You can't rely on road users to have your child's safety in the forefront of their mind. Busy roads, especially at that time of the day means you have control of your young children at all times.

PeppermintPasty · 13/03/2018 10:05

I just cannot see how the OP has been unreasonable. Some people seem to revel in taking an opposing view just for kicks!

Please report him, he thoroughly deserves it.

theeyeofthestormchaser · 13/03/2018 10:06

I don't think you did over-react, actually. OP got a huge fright at some twit's dangerous driving and she thought her dc was in danger. HOw should she have reacted??

He should NOT have been on the pavement. Classic non-apology. He's not sorry at all. Complain to the Hughways Agency.

Offended - offended that your dc could have been run over?!

However - I agree with others that your dc shold not have been whizzing ahead where drivers regularly mount the pavement. Also, people reverse out of their drives, drive in to their drives...

Ruffian · 13/03/2018 10:07

Why the hell should any pedestrian, child or not, have to take extra care on a pavement in case a vehicle decides to drive on it? Thats ridiculous.

he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’. While driving illegally. Try that one in court.

SmashedMug · 13/03/2018 10:11

Why the hell should any pedestrian, child or not, have to take extra care on a pavement in case a vehicle decides to drive on it? Thats ridiculous.

Because it happens. All the pedestrians have right of way and try that in court in the world won't take away an injury or a death after the fact. We shouldn't have to take extra care but that's the way of the world when it's full of people who drive like twats.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 10:11

Why the hell should any pedestrian, child or not, have to take extra care on a pavement in case a vehicle decides to drive on it? Thats ridiculous.

Because some drivers are dickheads? Your child's safety is the most important thing here.

CoalTit · 13/03/2018 10:14

You are right to be bothered by the fauxpology you got, OP, because it indicated the driver couldn't or wouldn't understand that he was doing anything illegal or dangerous by driving on the footpath.

Kitchenbound · 13/03/2018 10:15

Some people on here have perfect children that consistently hold your hand and carry their own bags and have never, not once, run ahead. How did you manage this i obviously need some parenting tips!

Similarly these people have never had an instant adrenaline rush where THEIR CHILD'S LIVES ARE IN DANGER and they lose their minds momentarily. Wowzers.

Report him like there's no tomorrow. Reckless, stupid and entirely too wrapped up in his own busy world to consider the consequences of doing something as stupid as driving on a pavement. I wonder if people would feel the same if it was granny walking down the pavement and could not physically get out the way in time? Ffs

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/03/2018 10:16

Some of my employees work in the comunity this means they drive as part of their job.

If I received this complaint I would immediately start the process to dismiss the staff member

HollyBayTree · 13/03/2018 10:18

The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour.

^^ here is your problem - poor town planning. Traffic cant just sit on a high street until 30 cars decide to reverse one way, it has to keep flowing.

Op you do use the words 'high street' and for that alone, your child should have been holding hands, this wasnt a side road, it was a main thoroughfare.

MichaelBendfaster · 13/03/2018 10:20

I got his number plate and have reported him.

Good for you.

I hate those non-apologies. I've had them from companies after bad service etc. Politicians, of course, also excel at them.

purplelass · 13/03/2018 10:20

The van shouldn't have been driving on the pavement.

The driver had a strange choice of words, but did apologise.

You knew that vehicles regularly drive on the pavement here? Sorry, but if you know that there's a good chance of that happening then you should have at least had your child by your side.

I think you were angry because what could of happened scared you and you knew you were partly to blame.

BevBrook · 13/03/2018 10:20

In a small town near us one of the houses on the high street - all the houses open straight onto the street, no front paths - has had to put a sign on their window saying "vehicles, please don't mount the pavement outside our house as we could be coming out of our front door at that moment and you wouldn't see us" . Or snappier words to that effect! The fact they have had to do that is appalling. If we all complained every time we saw a vehicle doing this maybe it would happen less often.

HollyBayTree · 13/03/2018 10:21

If I received this complaint I would immediately start the process to dismiss the staff member

Oh here we go. The sack him brigade has arrived.

Your comment makes you a very poor employer. You would seriously sack someone with no investigation?

QueenDramaLlama · 13/03/2018 10:21

YANBU
The story could have ended differently for another child. :(

ConciseandNice · 13/03/2018 10:22

I am so glad you reported him. He is an utter tool. Your child is small, even the slightest nudge by a moving vehicle could have left him in hospital in a serious condition. Vehicles should be on the roads at all times. PPs saying he apologised and just get over it amaze me. He didn't give a proper apology by any means and as a parent himself he should've known better. Tool!

lottiegarbanzo · 13/03/2018 10:24

So individual drivers may override the Highway Code and the law, because they perceive a case of poor town planning? WTF!?

CannaeBeErsed · 13/03/2018 10:27

I can't believe some of the responses on here. The van was driving on the pavement - he mounted a pavement with a kid on it and drove along. His driving couldn't have been any more dangerous and reckless. And yes his 'apology' was bollocks. Op wasn't 'offended' for fucks sake. She was angry that he put her child in danger. Op, I would complain to the highways agency, I would also bring this issue to the attention of your local police officer and council if it's regularly happening.

^ This. With bells on!

WazFlimFlam · 13/03/2018 10:28

The issue isn't that the OP was 'offended'. The issue is he was a dick and endangered a child's life.

PriaMaicel · 13/03/2018 10:28

Log the incident with 101.

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