To not want to run a neighbourhood creche?

[Wherearethechocolateoranges]

I am currently on maternity leave but will shortly be returning to work part time, and we have an absolutely lovely nanny who has already started with us to look after the DDs. The girls love her to bits and so do we - we don't want to do anything to make her unhappy or reconsider staying with us. Obviously as I am still at home, this gives us a bit of extra manpower, but I am happy with this - we didn't go on holiday last summer as I was heavily pregnant, so we decided that we would use our holiday budget on making our lives a bit easier with a new baby and having a nanny to help us for a bit.

My difficulty is that all of the local kids love our nanny also, and we are getting multiple requests for us to look after everyone's kids. Today my older DD is ill and a bit unhappy and needs a cuddle, I am already looking after one friend's children as she has a work emergency and have just had another request from.another friend as to whether our nanny could go around and sit with her daughter for the day, as she is ill. These are absolutely lovely friends and I would honestly like to help if I could - they are not CFs and I don't want to offend them in any way. They have been really supportive when we have been having a horrible time over the last few months. However, to be absolutely honest, I would like to find a form of words which gently explains that I don't want to ask my nanny to do these things. She's a professional in her field, and I am lucky to have her. I don't want her to feel as though I am treating her like a commodity to be loaned around to my friends. It would feel like I was being a bit disrespectful. I have already tried to explain this but the requests keep coming. I also, to be brutally honest, am a bit nervous about setting up an expectation that I/we will be everyone's default childcare in the longer term. I am totally happy to help in an emergency, obviously, but how do I find a gentle form of words that explains that I don't feel we can take on this responsibility? I really don't want to affect these friendships negatively - these are good, kind friends, they have been very good to me and they are not the kind of people to take advantage - so I need to use a very gentle approach. Aibu to feel this way and any suggestions?

They're not friend they're users. A nanny isn't an inanimate object that can borrowed or loaned out at will like a toy. They're human beings who should be treated properly.

If I was a nanny and my employer was loaning me out to her friends, I'd quit.

I have had a nanny for a few months now and have already had to say to several friends (who absolutely are not CFs) that my nanny has made it clear she doesn’t want to look after extra children and I don’t want to lose her. It’s not difficult to say and everyone has completely understood.

Im with others op , yanbu. How did the chat go with your friends?

Say I'm really sorry but you're the eleventy millionth person who has asked today, her contract is to look after two children I can't just pile more work on her as I fear she'll leave

Also ....

If you can't take time off work with your sick child perhaps your husband can?

I agree with PP your nanny will become the worlds nanny and that's not what she signed up to do

I'd definitely not be encouraging them to make private arrangements with her outside working hours, either. A couple of posters have made very good points in this regard. I just wanted to add that it's unfair on the nanny, if she doesn't want to do the extra work, to put her in the position of refusing direct requests. She should be able to hide behind the contract, not have other parents pressuring her because "your employer said it was all right".

Just say NO
Say you are always happy to help but it’s against her contract . Discuss with her too

It’s good that you’ve spoken to her and agreed that it won’t be happening in future. I hope your friends are understanding of the refusal and if they aren’t; you know why (they’re CFs)

You can't afford to lose your nanny before you even go back to work! I agree with a blanket ban, on these grounds. You will be working PT, so will be able to host playdates and help out in emergencies on your days, but the nanny is off limits. Surely real friends would understand. One of my DC had a friend with a nanny (the little siblings were too young for school), and although I would invite the child for playdates with us on nanny days, I didn't have to be told that any return dates would be on the mother's time.