To not want to run a neighbourhood creche?

[Wherearethechocolateoranges]

I am currently on maternity leave but will shortly be returning to work part time, and we have an absolutely lovely nanny who has already started with us to look after the DDs. The girls love her to bits and so do we - we don't want to do anything to make her unhappy or reconsider staying with us. Obviously as I am still at home, this gives us a bit of extra manpower, but I am happy with this - we didn't go on holiday last summer as I was heavily pregnant, so we decided that we would use our holiday budget on making our lives a bit easier with a new baby and having a nanny to help us for a bit.

My difficulty is that all of the local kids love our nanny also, and we are getting multiple requests for us to look after everyone's kids. Today my older DD is ill and a bit unhappy and needs a cuddle, I am already looking after one friend's children as she has a work emergency and have just had another request from.another friend as to whether our nanny could go around and sit with her daughter for the day, as she is ill. These are absolutely lovely friends and I would honestly like to help if I could - they are not CFs and I don't want to offend them in any way. They have been really supportive when we have been having a horrible time over the last few months. However, to be absolutely honest, I would like to find a form of words which gently explains that I don't want to ask my nanny to do these things. She's a professional in her field, and I am lucky to have her. I don't want her to feel as though I am treating her like a commodity to be loaned around to my friends. It would feel like I was being a bit disrespectful. I have already tried to explain this but the requests keep coming. I also, to be brutally honest, am a bit nervous about setting up an expectation that I/we will be everyone's default childcare in the longer term. I am totally happy to help in an emergency, obviously, but how do I find a gentle form of words that explains that I don't feel we can take on this responsibility? I really don't want to affect these friendships negatively - these are good, kind friends, they have been very good to me and they are not the kind of people to take advantage - so I need to use a very gentle approach. Aibu to feel this way and any suggestions?

[RiotAndAlarum]

You can't afford to lose your nanny before you even go back to work! I agree with a blanket ban, on these grounds. You will be working PT, so will be able to host playdates and help out in emergencies on your days, but the nanny is off limits. Surely real friends would understand. One of my DC had a friend with a nanny (the little siblings were too young for school), and although I would invite the child for playdates with us on nanny days, I didn't have to be told that any return dates would be on the mother's time.

[Hortonlovesahoo]

It’s good that you’ve spoken to her and agreed that it won’t be happening in future. I hope your friends are understanding of the refusal and if they aren’t; you know why (they’re CFs)

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Just say NO
Say you are always happy to help but it’s against her contract . Discuss with her too

[Anniegetyourgun]

I'd definitely not be encouraging them to make private arrangements with her outside working hours, either. A couple of posters have made very good points in this regard. I just wanted to add that it's unfair on the nanny, if she doesn't want to do the extra work, to put her in the position of refusing direct requests. She should be able to hide behind the contract, not have other parents pressuring her because "your employer said it was all right".

[flumpybear]

Say I'm really sorry but you're the eleventy millionth person who has asked today, her contract is to look after two children I can't just pile more work on her as I fear she'll leave

Also ....

If you can't take time off work with your sick child perhaps your husband can?

I agree with PP your nanny will become the worlds nanny and that's not what she signed up to do

[catlady45]

Im with others op , yanbu. How did the chat go with your friends?

[MrsZippyLake]

I have had a nanny for a few months now and have already had to say to several friends (who absolutely are not CFs) that my nanny has made it clear she doesn’t want to look after extra children and I don’t want to lose her. It’s not difficult to say and everyone has completely understood.

[emmyrose2000]

They're not friend they're users. A nanny isn't an inanimate object that can borrowed or loaned out at will like a toy. They're human beings who should be treated properly.

If I was a nanny and my employer was loaning me out to her friends, I'd quit.

[BewareOfDragons]

If they are truly good friends, they will completely understand your saying 'no' to their requests. YOu have hired and are paying for her to look after your children. The fact you are at home at the moment is irrelevant; you are still paying her to look after your children and help you. Not your friends. If they love the idea of your nanny so much, give them the details of an agency that supplies them.

[Dontoutmenow]

You have two choices. Grow a backbone or lose your nanny!

[Cornishclio]

If you have done this in the past then your friends will carry on asking and it is not acceptable. They are taking advantage. Most of us who worked with young children had to either take time off when they were sick (my childminder would not take them if sick in case it was passed on to other children quite rightly.) If your nanny went over to look after your friends child who is ill who is going to look after your other DD while you are with the one who is sick? I think I would say that your nanny is contracted to look after just yours and cannot be loaned out like a commodity. She is a professional and is sticking to her job responsibilities which is looking after your kids only. The cheek of your so called friends. Tell them to get their own nanny.

[another20]

As well as individual direct requests - also tip her off as to using her disguised as play dates -- where a return favour will be asked. Keep your guard up. Tell her to say a firm "No" to all favours - and that she needs to check with you re play dates

[Inthetropics]

Explain that you pay the nanny to lool after your children and that this was your original arrangement and it would be unfair to expect her to do more than what you've agreed on.

[Curtainshopping]

Remember that each friend that asks you only sees their own request. They don’t ‘see’ that others are making the same requests so the cumulative effect is not known to them. Worth keeping that in mind when you explain to them - let them know how many requests you get.

[diddl]

Why give an excuse?

There's really no need to let them down gently!

They've got the brass neck to ask-they won't be offended by a blunt "no!"

[PuppyMonkey]

“Sorry, her contract stipulates that she’s not allowed to do that due to insurance implications.”

Or something like that?

[expatinscotland]

Why on Earth would you expose yourself or your nanny to an ill child? Your friends are CF.

[Mindovermatter1625]

Be careful looking after all these ‘sick’ children if nanny gets ill she won’t be able to care for your children.

I’m a childminder and wouldn’t be happy to care for a sick child, in fact they would be refused care.

I would say ‘ I’m really sorry but nanny is up to her neck in dealing with my children at the moment, its all a bit of a challenge’

Or I’d set the record straight to reduce requests again

“ I’m really sorry but we have a contract in place and I can’t just send her to look after other children, We were very lucky to get her so want to make sure I treat her in a professional capacity and that means keeping to contract”

[knowler]

Jeez - some people are so cheeky and entitled. It would never occur to me to ask for the favours they want.

But it's also up to you to put them back in their boxes and say no. you don't need to be aggressive - just assertive.

[BezzaMezza]

Imagine how annoyed you'll be if you lose her because of their micky taking. Get assertive with them now

[Wherearethechocolateoranges]

That's my concern. I have spoken to our nanny about it all today, explained that all this has been going on, and that I don't want to, and won't, put her in that position. I think we're on the same page, which is good to know, and I have given her a heads up that she might receive individual requests. Thanks for reassuring me that I'm not BU!

[Didiusfalco]

I don’t even think she should be looking after the extra child. You’ve employed her to look after your two children. That’s it. No extras. End of. Otherwise you are taking advantage of her.

[halfwitpicker]

As George said.

[halfwitpicker]

The nanny is gonna get pissed off and look for another job.

If she's as good as you say she is she'll be gone OP, you need to show her the respect she deserves!

[GeorgeTheHippo]

So you have a nanny that you are really happy with and don't want to lose. Don't even consider giving her an extra unpaid workload without warning, it will make her want to leave. You will have to be firm. It's another example of women's work being undervalued, isn't it. No one would ask your gardener just to nip next door an pd do their lawn "while he was at it."