To not want to run a neighbourhood creche?

[Wherearethechocolateoranges]

I am currently on maternity leave but will shortly be returning to work part time, and we have an absolutely lovely nanny who has already started with us to look after the DDs. The girls love her to bits and so do we - we don't want to do anything to make her unhappy or reconsider staying with us. Obviously as I am still at home, this gives us a bit of extra manpower, but I am happy with this - we didn't go on holiday last summer as I was heavily pregnant, so we decided that we would use our holiday budget on making our lives a bit easier with a new baby and having a nanny to help us for a bit.

My difficulty is that all of the local kids love our nanny also, and we are getting multiple requests for us to look after everyone's kids. Today my older DD is ill and a bit unhappy and needs a cuddle, I am already looking after one friend's children as she has a work emergency and have just had another request from.another friend as to whether our nanny could go around and sit with her daughter for the day, as she is ill. These are absolutely lovely friends and I would honestly like to help if I could - they are not CFs and I don't want to offend them in any way. They have been really supportive when we have been having a horrible time over the last few months. However, to be absolutely honest, I would like to find a form of words which gently explains that I don't want to ask my nanny to do these things. She's a professional in her field, and I am lucky to have her. I don't want her to feel as though I am treating her like a commodity to be loaned around to my friends. It would feel like I was being a bit disrespectful. I have already tried to explain this but the requests keep coming. I also, to be brutally honest, am a bit nervous about setting up an expectation that I/we will be everyone's default childcare in the longer term. I am totally happy to help in an emergency, obviously, but how do I find a gentle form of words that explains that I don't feel we can take on this responsibility? I really don't want to affect these friendships negatively - these are good, kind friends, they have been very good to me and they are not the kind of people to take advantage - so I need to use a very gentle approach. Aibu to feel this way and any suggestions?

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

If nanny goes to sit with friend's daughter, you are left at your house with your 2 plus the spare.
So you are paying nanny to look after your 2 children, she's elsewhere and you're looking after 3

[MuncheysMummy]

I can’t believe you don’t feel your friends are being CFs 😆 they totally 100% are! On no planet is it acceptable to ask you to provide free childcare for them that you are paying for just say no sorry that’s it no excuses just no

[NoSquirrels]

I think for today, you need to say:

Sorry DF, but we already have X’s kids to look after today and DD is ill so it’s all hands on deck here.

For the longer term, you need to keep repeating that while YOU are happy to do your friends a favour with your own time, the nanny is not available childcare for anyone other than you, to look after DD.

So if you’re at home and happy to help a friend, you look after their child. But if you are not home, nanny is not a substitute for you.

Make it clear to nanny that she can refer all requests back to you and isn’t expected to do anything not agreed with you first.

[juneau]

I actually think it's not your place to volunteer your nanny for these other jobs. As you say, she is a professional, but she's also a human being who has chosen to work for you and take care of YOUR two DC, not the DC of every friend you have in the neighbourhood when they're in a spot of bother. Your friends may be good friends, to you, but they're treating your nanny as if she IS a commodity to be loaned out at will. Plus, are they prepared to pay her, or is this on your dime? Whether you like it or not, your friends ARE being CFs and it's time you toughened up a bit, or this is going to happen every damn day. Just you wait until the Easter holidays if you think this is a problem during term-time.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Try to see it this way OP, they managed before you got a nanny ....

[mickeysminnie]

Do as idontdowindows says. Talk to nanny first and be clear that any other work she takes on needs to be totally seperate to you.
Nip this in the bud, otherwise you will lose your nanny, I doubt she signed up to mind the entire neighbourhood.
That said, if she is experienced she may have come across this before and know a way to extricate both of you from the unreasonable exoectations of your 'friends'.

[golondrina]

Your friends ARE cheeky fuckers. And you are letting them take the piss. You can't expect your nanny to go and look after someone else's children! She's paid to work for YOU and has a contract with you and has undertaken an agreement with you. Not your friends she doesn't know. If I were your nanny I'd just refuse.
Tell your friends that you're sorry but you can't help. If they want to discuss paying your nanny to work for them when she's not working with you that's fine, but they'll have to arrange it with her.

[SprinkleSomeSparkles]

How does your nanny feel about these arrangements, have you spoken to her about them? I previously nannied and hated having extra children or being loaned out to other families, if it's not in her contract then it should not be asked of her. I would suggest asking if she would consider baby sitting for your friend's, outside of her hours and make sure your friends know of her hourly rate. You need to nip this in the bud now otherwise you run the risk of loosing her. Nannies have such pressure to please, especially when living with a family so how you think she may be feeling could be the total opposite of the truth.

[Finola1step]

I think you need to wise up OP. They may be good friends but they are taking the mickey. They see you at home with a nanny and see you as a convenient pit stop.

I would do the "Sorry, nanny is contracted and insured to look after only our dc. The agency we got her from is great. Their number is...."

[Babyplaymat]

"Sorry love, she's only contracted to look after ours,and as you can imagine that means she has her hands full! 😂 She is fab though, do you want me to ask her if she has any friends looking for a position? Or would you like the agency details? "

[justforthisthread101]

Our nanny has occasionally looked after one friend's DC, in our house. With prior agreement and for extra payment.

Anything else is taking the piss.

Sorry OP, they are CF. It's fine for YOU to pay back their kindness in kind, it's not fair of them or you to expect your nanny to do it.

[rumblytummy1]

I wouldn't mention the Nanny not being keen. Stick to it being contractual / insurance. Definitely do not hand out your nanny's phone number.
I would try & get the nanny to do outings in the morning so that she cannot be surprised with uninvited guests.

[troodiedoo]

I know nothing about the world of nannies. But it is clear your friends are taking the piss massively. Stamp this out politely and firmly.

[honeysucklejasmine]

Try to see it this way OP, they managed before you got a nanny ....

This.

[Mrsmadevans]

I think they are CF OP , what a flaming cheek! If you didn't have a nanny wtf would they do then? Chancing their arm CF !

[Mrsmadevans]

You could always bring indemnity insurance and her professional registration requirements up . Make them up to suit yourself OP

[Belphegor]

"another friend as to whether our nanny could go around and sit with her daughter for the day, as she is ill"

How is this not being a massive CF?! She basically wants you to pay for a nanny to look after her child. Well, I'd like a free nanny too - but I pay for my own childcare, because this is what being an adult and a parent is!

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

I'm a bit gobsmacked that they think this is ok.

Your nanny is an employee, contracted to do a specific job, looking after specific known children.

She's not a slave, or some kind of day-labourer who can just be passed around or expected to double her workload without consultation, notice, payment....!

[diddl]

Of course they are being CFs!

They think that either you can look after their kids as you now have a nanny looking after yours or that your nanny can look after their kids as you are currently there to look after yours!

Just say no-no reasons or excuses necessary-why would they be-who asks for free use of someone elses nanny-other than CFs?

[Appuskidu]

what bloody cheeky friends!

[GloGirl]

To be honest if you really wanted to help them out you could leave nanny in charge of your children and go and help them out.i feel they'd have a totally diffwrent attitude to your offering to help than you sending round a "free" professional and the requests would dry up.

[YimminiYoudar]

"I know it seems like a small thing to ask but we are getting so many requests like this from so many friends that we have to just say no, or we will end up either losing our lovely nanny or turning her into a community creche service. Really sorry but it wouldn't be fair to make an exception"

[Fruitbat1980]

I used to have this. I would say say that contractually nanny only able to look after our kids during our hours and that a previous family took the mickey hence in contract. I discussed with the nanny and they agreed on this approach. On my time they look after my kids only. Weekends/ evening if friends wanted them they paid going rate. People stopped asking 😀

[NataliaOsipova]

Total CFs. "Can I borrow your nanny?" is only a reasonable request in an absolute and dire emergency, i.e. a situation involving an ambulance. Nip this in the bud now.

[ForgivenessIsDivine]

Sending your nanny round is not appropriate (IMO).

I am afraid, the terms of Nanny's contract and insurance are that she is covered to work in our house, to look after our children. There is no problem when she has children over for a playdate but it is not appropriate for me to ask her to look after your daughter at your house. DD is also unwell today, I hope they both get better soon.