To not want to run a neighbourhood creche?

[Wherearethechocolateoranges]

I am currently on maternity leave but will shortly be returning to work part time, and we have an absolutely lovely nanny who has already started with us to look after the DDs. The girls love her to bits and so do we - we don't want to do anything to make her unhappy or reconsider staying with us. Obviously as I am still at home, this gives us a bit of extra manpower, but I am happy with this - we didn't go on holiday last summer as I was heavily pregnant, so we decided that we would use our holiday budget on making our lives a bit easier with a new baby and having a nanny to help us for a bit.

My difficulty is that all of the local kids love our nanny also, and we are getting multiple requests for us to look after everyone's kids. Today my older DD is ill and a bit unhappy and needs a cuddle, I am already looking after one friend's children as she has a work emergency and have just had another request from.another friend as to whether our nanny could go around and sit with her daughter for the day, as she is ill. These are absolutely lovely friends and I would honestly like to help if I could - they are not CFs and I don't want to offend them in any way. They have been really supportive when we have been having a horrible time over the last few months. However, to be absolutely honest, I would like to find a form of words which gently explains that I don't want to ask my nanny to do these things. She's a professional in her field, and I am lucky to have her. I don't want her to feel as though I am treating her like a commodity to be loaned around to my friends. It would feel like I was being a bit disrespectful. I have already tried to explain this but the requests keep coming. I also, to be brutally honest, am a bit nervous about setting up an expectation that I/we will be everyone's default childcare in the longer term. I am totally happy to help in an emergency, obviously, but how do I find a gentle form of words that explains that I don't feel we can take on this responsibility? I really don't want to affect these friendships negatively - these are good, kind friends, they have been very good to me and they are not the kind of people to take advantage - so I need to use a very gentle approach. Aibu to feel this way and any suggestions?

[StringyPotatoes]

Talk to your nanny about it and agree a response together. If you don't talk to her your friends will no doubt approach her themselves.

Don't ask your nanny, either. Tell her that while she is working the hours paid by you then she isn't to look after anyone else's children unless confirmed with you first and this is what you'd like her to tell any CFs who ask her to do otherwise. If she's a professional as you say, then this won't come as a surprise and she'll be on board with you.

I've been the local Mary Poppins and it's exhausting and claustrophobic to be at everyone's beck and call.

You sound like a respectful and considerate employer and your nanny is lucky to have you.

[PatchworkElmer]

I also can’t believe that they think this is ok- they are being CF!

DS goes to nursery. I wouldn’t ‘lend’ his place to a friend, and the nursery wouldn’t let me. Same principle applies here as far as I’m concerned.

[Willow2017]

Nope they are using you and trying to get free childcare from the nanny you are paying for to be in your house with your child. Definate cfs.

Just keep telling them "This is her number and these are her rates. If you want her to work for you when she isnt working for me you will have to ask her if she is available."

She isnt a commodity to lend out as you are aware but they seem to think she is.

And unless its an emergency stop looking after other peoples kids while you are on mat leave. Its for you and your baby you didn't take it to be an unpaid babysitter.

[Firkinell]

This is so weird - would they do the same if you had a lawyer round to give you legal advice, or had a plasterer round? Surely they'd assume they had to sort themselves out, not ask could yours pop round...?

Am truly baffled.

[WingsOnMyBoots]

If she were your cleaner and you OK'd it with friends to bring their items round to clean or wash while she was doing yours would that be ok?

I'm sorry, they may be good friends but they are taking the P. I wouldn't be happy if I were your nanny and I think if you're not careful you will lose her. If they are real friends as you say they will understand. This just isn't on.

[WingsOnMyBoots]

I think it must be a generational thing. I am shocked that people could be this expectant and take advantage like this! If YOU have the children it's YOUR responsibility to provide and pay for their care, not leech of other people's good nature.

[Wherearethechocolateoranges]

Oh don't worry - I am definitely not sending my nanny around to look after my friend's daughter. I offered to come around myself for the bit of the day when we don't have my other friend's girls with us, and our nanny could look after my DD. (Are you still with me?! :) ) I also explained why I couldn't ask our nanny to do it - only I could do it. However for various logistical reasons this didn't work for my friend.

Either way, I am glad that you don't think I'm being unreasonable. I am going to say something today. I really don't want to lose her - she is absolutely fantastic. I am unlikely to find anyone else who loves my girls like this, or who they love back so much. DD2's little face lights up when she walks into the room. It is lovely.

[rocketgirl22]

It really isn't fair to your nanny.

Tell your friends you would love to help, but feel you have already taken advantage of her, and the number for the agency is.. hope dd feels better soon.

You simply can not allow this to continue, there will be no end in sight.

Your friends by the way are being CF asking you tbh, good friends in my experience wouldn't take advantage like this.

[Alwayslumpyporridge]

If you don't nip this in the bud asap it may cost you your Nanny, she might quit or she might think that she can offer her services to others during her working hours with you.

This happened to me, our Nanny tried to arrange to look after next doors baby in our house whilst looking after my DD. It was started as "an emergency" where I of course said yes, however the Nanny was trying to set this up as a regular arrangement to get double pay. I had to say no, there was no double buggy offered so my DD was stuck in the house, my house wasn't baby proofed and I sometimes work from home. I ended up being made out to be the bad guy by saying no.

[SecondaryConfusion]

Don’t jeopardise your nanny staying with you for the sake of helping out others - as you say she’ll end up feeling like a commodity if she’s continually being asked to pick up childcare for other children

[Fugitivefrombrusstice]

I think you've already recognised that it's potentially a bit unfair on your nanny to send her to others, as her contract is with you and that's the job she signed up for. I think it's fine for you to tell your friends that they're welcome to make arrangements for her to babysit for them in her spare time if she wants to, but that you feel uncomfortable 'loaning' her out as it wasn't part of her job description when she signed up to work for you.

[Fugitivefrombrusstice]

You sound like a properly lovely friend and employer OP

[FlyingMonkeys]

Oh dear it sounds like nanny pimping. I think your intentions are lovely OP but they are being a bit cheeky hoping for free drop of the hat childcare cover. I'd say a firm no, and state it would void nanny's liability cover.

[HolyShet]

Oh OP you are so not being unreasonable and you know that

I would say to your friends that it's not in her contract and she's not insured to look after your children (apart from if they come on a playdate to ours occasionally).

And to your nanny that she is welcome to arrange babysitting or help outside of your contracted hours, if she wishes, but it is absolutely not your expectation.

[GoldilocksAndTheThreePears]

It's refreshing to see people's attitudes on this. I've had nanny jobs where the attitude is- well you are looking after children, you love children, you are being paid to look after children, so what's a few more/extra hours with no warning/change of work location.

Depending on insurance it may be an issue to look after other children, extras, or in other locations. And as the nanny it can be hard to say no to your boss so it's nice to see some professionalism. For me I'd disagree with the cleaner analagy because I worked hard for qualifications, courses, gaining experience and worked at my career to get a saleried, year round position, rather than an hour or two a week self-employed.

[LeighaJ]

You'd think with her choice to be a nanny instead of working in a nursery it would be obvious to everyone that she's not interested in taking care of loads of different children.

[BezzaMezza]

I'd say "i might be able to help in an emergency, but nanny is only insured/able to look after my kids, so won't be able to help."

[justforthisthread101]

Well done OP, it really is cheeky of your friends to ask. It's not the first time I've seen this on MN. I'm not sure where people get off treating other people's employees as a free resource!

[Wdigin2this]

What a bloody cheek, your friends have! Your nanny, is not a [rentababsitter] and I'd be surprised if she wasn't offended by being expected to look after other DC. Tell everyone who asks, that you aren't able to accommodate their needs any more, but you know of a good Nanny Agency, if they want the number!

[Notasunnybunny]

If she is via an agency you can just say they have sent out a reminder that nanny is contracted to look after 2 children and you are not allowed to subcontract her out.

[Notasunnybunny]

If she is self employed a simple “that would be outside of her contract and I don’t want to put her in a difficult situation having to enforce what was agreed” add ”she has already dropped hints reminding us about her contract terms” if you feel it needs reinforcing.

[DearTeddyRobinson]

Sorry OP but these friends ARE being CFs. She is employed by you, to look after YOUR children. I would just say, sorry she's got her hands full with my 2! End of convo. If they persist, say, look I really can't ask her, it's not fair. I'll see if she has any friends who can do emergency nannying.
That would really piss me off and I would be even more worried about pissing the nanny off. You have a gem, don't lose her!

[angularmerkel]

I think I'd just tell them that she's not insured to look after other people's children on your time.

[halfwitpicker]

So basically the nanny is watching other kids too, whilst she watches yours?

Which is basically free childcare for your CF mates.