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DM keeps calling me an "abusive" parent
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boboismylove · 12/03/2018 18:26

My DM has repeatedly called me an abusive parent. She is horrified that I co-sleep with my 11 month old, and thinks he should be in nursery. She said I need to "separate" myself from him and that its "abusive" to keep him relying on me. She was also having a go at me for breastfeeding too much as he was slow weaning, but he eats a lot now.
When I get upset when she haves a go at me, then she calls me "abusive" again for getting upset in front of the baby.

I'm a lone parent working p/t nights from home, and me and my baby are very happy.

I just don't know how she can casually use such language. Its really upsetting me.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/03/2018 18:27

I think you need to tell her to fuck off but be prepared for a lot of nonsemce calls to your local safeguarding team

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Babymamamama · 12/03/2018 18:30

Wow you poor thing. It's your mother who is being abusive. Sounds like you are doing a great job. She must have issues.

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Weebo · 12/03/2018 18:31

Next time she says anything of the sort literally tell her to fuck off.

Of course he relies on you - He's a baby.

Please stand up for yourself because this will only get worse as your son gets older.

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FizzyGreenWater · 12/03/2018 18:31

Yep, I would

a. have a word with your health visitor - just to get this on record - bring it up as in 'the only stress I have at the moment is my mum, she's pushing her ideas on me quite aggressively and threateningly (details) so that's really difficult but other than that we are fine...'

b. then tell your mum to fuck RIGHT OFF. She will have the shock of her life - and you'll either be well rid, or she will learn a sharp lesson and you can rebuild your relationship on more respectful ground. Oh and if she tries to any malicious reporting if you cut her off, you'll already have it on record that she was harrassing you...

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Topseyt · 12/03/2018 18:31

Tell her to bugger off.

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Whocansay · 12/03/2018 18:32

Keep her at arm's length. She's trying to bully you into doing it her way. Tell her it's none of her business. She's not exactly someone to listen to if she thinks it's OK to have a go at you until you cry and then berate you further for being upset.

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picklemepopcorn · 12/03/2018 18:32

Does she look after him while you are at work?

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WineAndTiramisu · 12/03/2018 18:32

Tell her to fuck off and refuse to speak to her.

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 12/03/2018 18:33

You know you are right. Have you tried explaining to her that there’s been a lot of research since she had her babies?

Please don’t get upset in front of your (D)M. Don’t give her the power. Yiu nee to smile, nod and completely ignore.

How often are you seeing her? My DM can be fucking awful. If she’s ever started on me in front of the DC I just put their coats on and go home. If she’s not nice, she doesn’t get to see her DGC and there’s no negotiation. I had to put up with enough shit when I was young. There is no way she’s getting away with it with them or trying to put me down in front of them either.

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picklemepopcorn · 12/03/2018 18:33

Oh, you work from home while the baby is asleep? Well then I'd tell her to go and jump.

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WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium · 12/03/2018 18:33

Tell her to fuck off and NC until she stops being a twat.

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LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 12/03/2018 18:33

At best she’s batshit at worst she’s abusive herself. Not just the frankly, nasty uncalled for accusations but the way she reacts when you are understandably upset, by putting the boot in even more.

What was your relationship like with her before your baby was born?

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MotherofDinosaurs · 12/03/2018 18:34

Your DM is an IDIOT! You sound like you're doing a great job. Please take no notice. My 2.5 year old still sleeps in my bed!

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Namechangetempissue · 12/03/2018 18:35

"If you are going to speak to me like that I will no longer have any contact with you. Your accusations are spiteful and wrong and I will not put up with it"

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SunshineAfterRain · 12/03/2018 18:35

If you felt comfortable to... I would say something to the effect of
"And what do you think you are doing to me? This is abuse"
Keep pointing out her own flaws.
Are you able to take a step back from her. Maybe reduced visits?

(As a ps) I love co-sleeping with my wee ones and when done safe is a special memory and bond you are creating.
My d's won't start nursery until he is 3 but it doesn't mean I can't socialise the baby at playgroups etc.
Please don't get upset. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job Flowers

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falsepriest · 12/03/2018 18:36

Tell her to FRO.

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flumpybear · 12/03/2018 18:37

She's very wrong yo sound like a fantastic parent!

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Okaynowimconfused · 12/03/2018 18:38

She sounds dreaful OP and I hope you're not justifying yourself to her. Keep repeating "he is a baby" and that her behaviour towards you is abusive.

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Weebo · 12/03/2018 18:41

I believe this sort of behavior comes from deep-set insecurity and envy.

She see's you choosing to parent differently as a criticism on her and is pissed off that you are actually doing really well as a mum. Better than she did.

That and she's a dick.

You're going great OP. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

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Weebo · 12/03/2018 18:41

Doing* Opps.

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boboismylove · 12/03/2018 18:47

Yes, I work from home while the baby is asleep. I don't see her that often - actually this was a rant when I phoned her to say happy mothers day. There are areas where I could improve as a parent - like I haven't got round to taking him to playgroup yet! But its framing this stuff as "abusive" that really upsets me - it goes beyond nagging which I guess lots of grandparents do!

When I was pregnant she seriously doubted I would manage - I'm in my mid twenties and was quite messy/ disorganised/ career focused/ travelled a lot....but I've actually had a relatively smooth experience of motherhood so far compared to lots of my friends - I feel this actually annoys her for some reason.

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puglife15 · 12/03/2018 18:47

She's full of shit. I misread your post originally as cosleeping at 11 years old and even that wouldn't strike me as particularly strange.

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WeeMadArthur · 12/03/2018 18:48

Just wanted to add another vote to telling her to fuck right off. Sounds like you are doing just fine.

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FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 12/03/2018 18:52

Read what Weebo said.

That.

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AskBasil · 12/03/2018 18:52

FizzyGreenWater has it right.

Do what she says.

Your mother sounds fucking horrible. Keep here at arm's length, try not to depend on her.

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