MIL overstepping boundaries

[TheRebel]

Let me start by saying my MIL is a very nice, generous person and we get on well.

She constantly buys things for DD (12 months) which I feel are the parents place to purchase, the latest thing is a coat, it’s a cheap nasty one with a horrible pattern on and I hate it, because a coat will be worn every day I feel like I want some say in choosing it. Before the coat it was 3 big packs of Aldi nappies, except we don’t use Aldi nappies because they leak on DD. Before that it was about 10 cheap pram toys from B&M, before she was even born she’d bought all the spoons and bowls for weaning. I just want to be able to choose some things myself.

Every week she turns up with something, and it’s always from Morrison’s baby range, which I don’t like because it’s just not my style at all, or soft toys that DD doesn’t like (she won’t play with soft toys at all, she’s just not interested). I’ve tried asking her not to buy stuff because DD grows out of it before she can wear it, I’ve taken things back to the shop but they only let you exchange for other clothing, and as I don’t like it it just ends up going to the charity shop after 1 wear. She is well off, she’s deposited a lot of money into DDs bank account so it’s definitely not a matter of her buying what she can afford, I’d prefer her not to buy anything but it makes her happy.

My AIBU is that I feel like it would be a waste of money to go and buy her the coat I want as now she’s got a coat but should I just get what I want and give these items to the charity shop after I’ve taken a photo of DD in them.

Be grateful, at least if you donate it onwards someone else will benefit from something practically brand new. My MIL hasn’t ever bought anything for my DS (or me, but I don’t care about that).

It is kind of your MIL to buy it but you have every right to choose not to put it on your child and buy what you want for her.

I am in a very good financial position now and have been for a while but life can change very suddenly and without warning so I still appreciate anything that is bought for my boys as one day I may need it but it doesn’t mean I will put in on them.

My son was bought a leather jacket for his 3rd birthday I personally hate leather jackets on young kids and the smell of leather jackets makes me feel sick. I said thanks then took it back and got something else I would put on him instead. Could you exchange these things for something else you need even it’s not clothes? Is your child her only grandchild? Could your partner speak to her? Maybe ask her to save the money and take her on a special day trip or to see a show somewhere locally when she is older instead?

@TheRebel - I can really sympathise with you, my PIL are similar (although we don't have DC yet, we are the recipients of masses of food and clothes that we wouldnt have chosen ourselves!) I do get that it oversteps boundaries (you are a grown up and should absolutely get to choose what your LO one wears and eats and plays with!), but having too much is a good problem to have and you have to pick your battles in life. If you have already told her no repeatedly, it sounds like she is not going to change. My advice would be that you can only sort out your own behaviour, not that of other people, & so to focus on enjoying your time with your DD, don't let this take up valuable time/energy (easier said than done I know)-take other posters' advice and photograph DD in the odd thing she sends round, donate stuff you don't want, and then buy what you want. Good luck.

My DS has two coats - one we bought which he wears regularly and one grandparents bought him that he wears when he visits them! Lol.

pompomcat I can relate to that, she still buys DH 10 pairs of boxers, 10 pairs of socks, 12 deodorants and 12 shower gels (one for each month, I presume) for Christmas every year, it’s always Lynx despite him being mid 30s, she never asks which he’d like, just goes to B&M and fills the trolley. There are currently 20 cans of Lynx sat in a box in our bathroom, I wonder if charity shops would take them?

We have "painting clothes". An awful lot of MIL and SIL bought items go into the painting clothes drawer I'm afraid.

The Rebel WTH?

frasier I know, last year I thought I’d better ask her to get something different to Lynx (seriously, anything else!) so I mentioned it at the beginning of November and she told me I was too late, she’d bought it all months ago!

Maybe you could get DH to apply Lynx Africa liberally prior to MIL visiting next.....her difficulty breathing might make her think next Xmas.

Haha @TheRebel are you sure my DH & your DH aren't brothers??
I second @Pinkfrangipani's suggestion...or if the charity shops won't take 20 cans maybe smuggle them into the boys changing rooms at your local secondary school (cos that wouldn't be weird at all...do today's teen boys even use Lynx anymore? )

Good news! I’ve contacted our local food bank and they will take all the Lynx (I didn’t say Lynx, just “toiletries”) and the baby clothes, so I’ve just scoured the house for any unopened hand creams and other bits I can give them and I’m going down there tomorrow

My aunt did this all the time, she'd buy things from NCT sales, but she'd buy things that weren't to my taste, and she'd buy far too much, so some of it never got worn. I think it's hormones when they're so little, now that my youngest is 6, I don't give a shit! I have had to tell my mum that DS2 will only wear character t-shirts though.

TheRebel I've never bought baby clothes from Morrison's, and now that you've said they're a bit weird, if I ever have grandchildren, I won't! 😂

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks I’m just convinced they’re designed by someone who’s never actually tried to dress a baby

I know a 4 month old baby girl who was in jeans yesterday. Yes, they look cute, but they're so impractical!

It’s leggings all the way here, much more comfortable for chubby little legs

I’ve just been out to the shops and Joules had the coat I wanted half price in the sale so it only cost about £5 more than the plasticky Morrison’s one 😊

Result! 😀

That's wondeful op, win win an you don't have to feel guilty.