To think same sex parenting is easier

[doctorwhat]

So many threads I read about DH's saying they don't do enough housework or with the children.

Also women saying things like 'oh he's a great dad, I get a lie in one day a week'

I am in a same sex relationship and we don't have these 'traditional' often sexist roles whereby Mum deals with the house and baby while dad works and gets praised for helping out around the house.

These types of situations and arguments just don't exist because we don't have our gender stereotypes to fight. Although sometimes we do fight over who gets to clean the bathroom

Sure there are times we can both be lazy but it always works out without one person feeling like they are at their wits end.

All of our friends with kids are straight couples and usually once a week we hear the women complaining about husband gallivanting off leaving her to pick up the schools runs, after school activities despite working herself.

I guess I think it's annoying to see so many stereotypical gender roles playing out in front of us when we know it's completely possible to both parent children, work and have time to ourselves.

Good for you.

YABU to think all same sex couples have such an ideal relationship.

Well, we're a 'traditional' couple and there's none of that.

I'm in a traditional couple and we completely share the work load at home.

This may be the smuggest thing I've read on mumsnet yet.

So sorry if it came across as smug

Honestly was looking to see if anyone agreed that relationships and parenting without gender stereotyping is easier and it seems from all the responses I didn't even need to wonder! It must be just a small few posts I have read that made me think.

I will not annoy you anymore. Sorry again

There you are op

My DH does all the housework, washing, ironing, most of the cooking etc. I go out to work and do all the organising, driving about, paperwork/ admin and sorting the kids out.
It works for us well.
I love the quote- it is what is between the ears and not what is between the legs.

Yeah men can be really shit but you took it from critically analysing heteronormative culture to sounding smug so idk.

Surely you just need to have children with someone nice, not specifically someone of the same sex. I don't want to share working and looking after the dc. I want to SAH and look after them and dp wants to go to work so I suppose that worked out despite him being of a different sex to me. Fairly sure that my friends in same sex relationships have their arguments too.

Hmm if someone was to start a thread saying how much better/easier “traditional” parenting was, it would not go down well. But thanks, OP, for letting us know how much better you are than the rest of us!

It's always great to hear when relationships are working, but this has nothing to do with gender: it's the personalities within the relationship that matters. I know of same sex couples who constantly battle with exactly the same issues as are mentioned in your post OP, so as said wisely before, it's what's between the ears that counts....

I’ve been married to my Dh for 26 years and we’ve shared all the chores over all the years and it’s been just fine thanks.

Jesus, I’ve read it all now OP.

From my experience, and looking at all my friends, gender roles still play a huge part in parenting, especially when children are young. I have often thought my life would be easier with a wife than a husband!

I can see what you mean op. I have always wondered what it would be like to parent with another woman. Just the way we are socialised as women would make for an easier ride I suspect.

I absolutely intend to marry a woman next time for this very reason
Can’t say I see myself ever parting from dh and I don’t like fannies but I do agree a wife is the way to go

Sis in law and I intend to live together when our hubbies die and we are mad old ladies

Your post is making me cringe for you!🙈

I am in a heterosexual relationship and we share housework, childcare, lie ins etc equally. Did you want a medal?

Oh FGS - OP has a good point, you only need to read a few threads on here, talk to people in the “average” relationship and read the studies done on gender roles & housework hours etc etc. Take a look at who does the majority of the parenting admin in every primary school in the country...

My relationship is not perfect, like all the PPs, despite my banging on about gender roles, division of labour etc and being in a relationship with a halfway decent man.

I’d quite like a wife, I reckon.

So based on what you read on here [which can be very biased at times] and your subject sample of one same sex relationship[your own] you have come to this conclusion?

I can't believe what a hard time the OP is getting. Of course this is about gender! It's not the case, overall, that some parents contribute more and some less without us being able to say anything about which parent that is likely to be - on average men contribute far less to the running of the household. Obviously it doesn't play out this way in every single relationship but women are conditioned to carry the domestic burden and men are not and there won't be that many relationships where that has absolutely no influence at all.

Yes, what's between the legs matters in this context. Not because people with penises are less able to do housework but because they will have been conditioned from birth to see at as less their sphere.

How old is your child / are your children, OP?

iismum

I don’t think anyone is denying that, I think it’s the smugness that has got peoples backs up. And I would have to agree.

People don’t choose their sexuality.

A quick google search unsurprisingly confirms that domestic, financial, physical abuse takes place in same sex couple relationships too. As does selfish, neglectful and controlling behaviour.

We are after all the same species. It's all to do with that thing called personality.

Nothing I hate more than Misogyny and Misandry OP.

The problem is, OP, that only people who are unhappy about their balance will post on a forum for advice so if you're basing it on what you have read on here, then you won't get a true picture. A PP is correct in that it's what's between the ears that counts.