To think same sex parenting is easier

[doctorwhat]

So many threads I read about DH's saying they don't do enough housework or with the children.

Also women saying things like 'oh he's a great dad, I get a lie in one day a week'

I am in a same sex relationship and we don't have these 'traditional' often sexist roles whereby Mum deals with the house and baby while dad works and gets praised for helping out around the house.

These types of situations and arguments just don't exist because we don't have our gender stereotypes to fight. Although sometimes we do fight over who gets to clean the bathroom

Sure there are times we can both be lazy but it always works out without one person feeling like they are at their wits end.

All of our friends with kids are straight couples and usually once a week we hear the women complaining about husband gallivanting off leaving her to pick up the schools runs, after school activities despite working herself.

I guess I think it's annoying to see so many stereotypical gender roles playing out in front of us when we know it's completely possible to both parent children, work and have time to ourselves.

Anyone can do any chores in this house!

My BF son does most of the chores, childcare and works.

I have heard same sex parents at school complaining about each other. It is just people some are more thoughtful and considerate than others.

Opposite sex parenting gives children the advantage of Male and female role models

Or the disadvantage, depending on the parents. Role models don't have to be parents.

On the basis of the OPs post, then this would mean that same sex parenting with two male partners would be a complete and utter disaster as neither parent would do anything at all.

Only if you believe men are genetically incapable of using a mop rather than taking advantage of a societal set-up where people don't expect them to, surely

But op, who on earth takes the buns out and services the car...!?

Bins. Sarcastic post fail.

Me and my other half (who is a man) live without gender stereotypes when it comes to housework. We have a cleaning rota which works well. We both work full time 'I often work more hours than he does'. We both do DIY. We both cook. He gets up much earlier than me on the weekend. We have no female or male jobs, we just chip in. We share the driving, grocery shopping, chip in 50% each for bills. You spot the gender stereotype! My parents raised me to be independent and to not be too reliant on other people in life. You do not have to be in a same sex relationship to defy gender stereotypes.

People are unlikely to start a thread to rant on how wonderful their relationship is, are they? apart from this thread

Reading the hysteria and pettiness of some of the threads would put me off ever living with a woman, so much drama!

The post wasn't about my relationship, it was about gender roles.

I admit I over generalised and have apologised for upsetting so many people.

And we both usually forget to take the bins out so ends up being a walk in pyjamas

Not sure what servicing the car involves either- they didn't teach that in home economics

I'm married and straight - I'd love a wife!

Coming from a bisexual womans point of view. I would love a wife but, I know how difficult it can be to find the balance. I have never tried to raise a child with one though.

Do you know what? I have a namalt DH and I still agree.
Even when we have a very fair split of who is expected to do what, there is still an expectation that I am the boss of the domestic sphere. He's my carer, and both sets of our parents still point out to me that the oven needs cleaning...

An expectation from other people

Wow! The OP has had a hard time!!! I didn't feel from her thread that she was doing anything other than feeling happy and proud of her relationship, and reflecting on gender roles in society.

I for one agree with some of OPs reflections, and while I love DH enormously, often think how nice it must be at times to live with another woman who just 'gets it' and is a bit more on my wavelength sometimes!

Same sex couples have historically got a bashing for their perceived inadequacies. It's nice to see someone in such a situation stand up and be proud and happy with their relationship and show that same sex relationships can b great :)

OP also sounds really nice and has apologised for any offence taken or upset caused. She sounds lovely. Please b kinder posters.

The post wasn't about my relationship, it was about gender roles.
But you did assumptions about gender roles based on your own relationship.
You also did assumptions that all straight couples have problems with sharing household and parenting tasks based on experiences of your colleagues.
So your post came at least as naive and illogical to me. Don't be surprised by answers - they match the question.
And the answer: I disagree with you, it all depends on personalities.

I think this is a really unhealthy and bad viewpoint to have- not because it offends heterosexual couples but because claims like this are the reasons why abuse in same sex couples is often silenced/ignored.

There can absolutely be power imbalances in lesbian relationships or gay male relationships with or without children and the same arguments and stereotypes can and do happen.

And yes I'm queer. I'm also a survivor of abuse within a same sex relationship. It really annoys me when people act like we can do no wrong and we're fighting gender roles just because we're the same gender.

Some people will find any reason to be offended on here Any excuse to pull out the sexist, racist, disablist, goady, 'you're generalising' etc card. God forbid anybody actually says they're happy.

My closest friends are in a same sex relationship. They are definitely more 'in tune' with each other because they're both female. It's just a different dynamic to me and my male DP.

I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that women TEND TO BE (not all obviously) kinder by nature.

I think selflessness comes with that and you're more inclined to help out each other with the baby.

Enjoy your nice relationship OP!

If you have a good relationship it's because of you and your dw - not because you're both women IMO.

Also I disagree based on my sample of one known same sex marriage. They may be both women but they fall into a perfect role divide of homemaker/SAHM and worker.

SAHM was the one that gave birth and wanted the birth experience so naturally morphed into PG.

As someone in a same sex relationship I really dislike this view.

where does it leave gay men with children?
Just living in their own filth

Secondly its so close to that patronising viewpoint of same sex relationships being "different". People are generally very open when talking about home life with me but there still is that question of who does the "man" tasks. That can be accompanied with remarks like "bet the washing up is always done in your house" which are patronising

My relationship is equal to hetero relationship, we aren't better or worse but equal. We argue about the washing up and chores like any other couple. We aren't perfect.

This encourages people to say things like they want a wife etc or id rather be a lesbian because the toilet seat would stay down. What they want is an equal parrner, having a wife is no different to a husband.

Frankly its patronising to assume all that is good about our relationship is because we are female. Not because we work hard at it.

All relationships are complex and 3d. To assume that its different when your same sex is silly.

Please note I don't mind when its specifically things about my partner eg. I wish my husband would make me breakfast like your wife. Because she is awesome and you can compliment her all you like, just not some odd stereo type of what people assume a lesbian relationship is like

I hear you sister!!!!

I think unequal gendered roles in heterosexual families come as a big shock to women, especially so when the children are born. This may explain the animosity OP is receiving.

Someone above says that sexuality is not a choice but for bisexual women, perhaps there is more choice than for heterosexual women.

I am bisexual and have had many relationships with women before settling down with my male partner. I find with my male partner that the gendered division of household tasks is enormous. This will only get worse when we have children. I accepted this when we got together, and in part I don't mind that I do all the housework because 1) he brings a huge wage home and 2) it will be easier to get pregnant with him than with a female partner. These are the advantages of a heterosexual relationship for me.

Someone above said there are plusses and minuses in heterosexual and lesbian families. I agree. It's not simply all about housework. One thing for lesbian families to consider is family income, as men are paid 18% more, this has an impact on money coming into a lesbian family household. The other thing for lesbians is the difficulty and cost of having children.

Your post is sexist and stereotypical. There are also plenty of women who do less than the man in the house, who are in traditional relationships.

I know a few woman who have never done night feeds although their DH works. Who have no interest in cleaning, or mothering their DC will leave bathtime dinner making until he can start it when he gets in. Relationships are partnerships but either sex can be lazy in the relationship.

We both work, him full-time, I part-time we both do lots for the DC and home.

How can it be a traditional relationship if a man is doing the bulk of the housework? Do you mean a straight relationship?

What I find interesting is the way wider society reacts to men being lazy vs women being lazy in straight relationships.

Equitable straight relationships have always existed. My gran and grandad were married in the 40s and made a huge effort to treat each other with respect and challenge gender roles. They still had guests rocking up to the house presenting my gran with eg a brace of pheasants to cook, assuming my grandad didn't cook.

My parents were married in the sixties and my mum was the main earner. They still had to cope with gossip etc when my mum wasn't seen to support my dad's job enough.

That does not happen with lesbian relationships to the same degree.

I think parenting with someone who isn't a piss taking twat is best.