To think same sex parenting is easier

[doctorwhat]

So many threads I read about DH's saying they don't do enough housework or with the children.

Also women saying things like 'oh he's a great dad, I get a lie in one day a week'

I am in a same sex relationship and we don't have these 'traditional' often sexist roles whereby Mum deals with the house and baby while dad works and gets praised for helping out around the house.

These types of situations and arguments just don't exist because we don't have our gender stereotypes to fight. Although sometimes we do fight over who gets to clean the bathroom

Sure there are times we can both be lazy but it always works out without one person feeling like they are at their wits end.

All of our friends with kids are straight couples and usually once a week we hear the women complaining about husband gallivanting off leaving her to pick up the schools runs, after school activities despite working herself.

I guess I think it's annoying to see so many stereotypical gender roles playing out in front of us when we know it's completely possible to both parent children, work and have time to ourselves.

I'm cringing at you OP for all your assumptions !

We're 'traditional'
and doing fine too thanks!

Maybe same sex parenting is the future?

Yes sorry straight relationship.

What I meant was either partner can be lazy male or female. Its great the OP has a supporting partner, It is down to the having a good partner not their gender.

Just wow!

Dh and I are a straight couple, we share working and the home/ caring stuff too. It’s about partnering someone who has shared values, not a twat

HTH

Our relationship is probably slightly gender stereotypical. My husband works while I stay at home with the kids and baby. But I wouldn't say that was harder than a same sex couple. He's good at his job and I prefer to be with the children.
I get a lie in on weekends and he does his share on weekends and when he comes home after work. He can't do any more than that because he is in work. We're happy with the way things are and it works for us. I can't see how things could be easier if we were same sex.

I'm completely agreeing with everyone who is saying that regardless of gender they share the parenting/ home roles.

My point was always about if you take gender stereotypes out of parenting then life is easier for everyone.

Like I said in my previous post I certainly did not mean to over generalise and appear to be saying that same sex parenting is better.

If I could re write my first post I would.

I grew up in very gender specific household roles. I lived with my grandparents and my grandmother didn't drive and had never worked a day in her life. We were a happy family and it worked great but it trickled down into the next generation.

Having read all the posts I am really happy that in years to come this sort of debate/ argument will not exist because so many of us are not parenting like that regardless of our genders.

I hope you all have a really great Mother's Day and I'm sorry again for offending so many.

I understand what you mean. (Don't worry people love to be offended on Mumsnet 😁) I read a lot of threads with people putting up with shit (usually from their male partners) and even with a 'good' partner there is sometimes the undercurrent of assumptions that woman do certain roles whilst men do others.

Gosh people are touchy today! I'm in a hetero relationship but I didn't take the comments to be smug at all! Anyone who spends any time on mumsnet must be pretty familar with the number of men who do treat their wives like shit for apparently no other reason than they can because they're in the "traditional" role of provding money for the family.

It's not that big a leap to suggest that two women or two men might find it easier to divide chores fairly because they're not basing it on internalised centuries of sexism...

@PercyPigAddict I wish you had edited my first post for me. You have basically summarised what I was meaning. Thanks

I didn't think your post was smug at all. It was an interesting point and my god there are plenty of threads on mumsnet complaining about feckless husbands not doing enough

Glad you came back to clarify OP. That makes much more sense, about how stereotyped roles can trickle down through the generations

My younger brother is gay and has children...he'd beg to differ that it's all equal and plain-sailing while he's washing dishes and cleaning up after my BIL ;)

If you take sex-based stereotypes out of everything it's better, not just relationships.

I'm wondering what you do to actively break down your own sex-based stereotypes, in your relationship and in bringing up your child(ren)?

thegreatbeyond that is very interesting.

I know a gay couple (men) with children and from the outside there certainly seems to be one who has taken the lead in the ‘mother’ role.

Does two mums = domestic bliss
Two dads = flip a coin for who will be ‘mother’

??

Doctorwhat. You haven't been offending at all. A good first post I would have hide after the first negative reply, at least you answered.

I hope you have a lovely Mothers day too today. Both of you x

Honestly was looking to see if anyone agreed that relationships and parenting without gender stereotyping is easier

YOU are the one gender stereotyping! Women are like this, men are like that, same sex relationships are all one way, opp-sex are another.

Could be you be any more gender stereotyping if you tried?

I think actually the OP raised an interesting point.

Gender is at its core a system of oppositional binary forces, which you could term 'complementary', or as a series of dichotomies which form reciprocally and whose elements mutually reinforce each other within their respective pairings. One pairing then reinforces another pairing and it snowballs to create a network. The fact that same sex couples will very much still see themselves as of the same category would in theory just remove a lot of those processes, as there isn't that counterpart to push up on.

I do agree a wife is the way to go they're good innit

@doctorwhat utter (attention seeking smug) nonsense

Excuse of course 2 men as parent would be awful

I guess I think it's annoying to see so many stereotypical gender roles playing out in front of us when we know it's completely possible to both parent children, work and have time to ourselves

Of course it is possible but it's hard to undo years of gender indoctrination. I think same sex relationships probably are more equal in that sense. Of course, one person could be more of an arse too though but at least it's one obstacle out of the way.

Well, we're a 'traditional' couple and there's none of that.

That's a bit NASCALT (not all straight couples are like that) though isn't it? Yes, some people have perfect gender equality in their relationships but the fact is most don't. It would be brilliant if we didn't we cold give up this whole feminism lark right now. Not sure why people are being defensive about this. You can't read nearly any thread on "relationships" to see most men aren't pulling their weight.

I'd also go so far as to question those who claim to have genuinely equal relationships as I have friends who say that when it's clear they don't. They do all the family secretary work, the meal planning, the school shopping, they know all the dates for the children's school plays, do all the organising.

*you can read

Could be you be any more gender stereotyping if you tried?

The OP isn't saying it's easier because they're women, they're saying it's because their relationship operates outside of certain gender constraints (obvs not possible to duck them completely but those which centre specifically on heterosexual couples are unique and, in the OP's situation, absent).

FWIW I grew up in a large extended family where for my heterosexual gen X+ relatives the more or less fair division of household labour and parenting is the norm & am certainly not suggesting that all straight couple relations are irremediably gendered to the same degree.

actually she is saying that its easier because they are BOTH women, and she is gender stereotyping.

I take it you’ve never been in a heterosexual relationship then?