Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

For wishIng my kids didn't live with me anymore?

145 replies

PlayingInPuddles · 10/03/2018 17:37

I have two sons aged 17 and 19. I can't stand living with them anymore. They're disrespectful, rude, messy, loud and generally unpleasant to live with.

They're completely wrecking my house. They don't get along and every few weeks they fight where holes get punched in the wall, stuff gets thrown all over (again finding walls, ruining floors etc), stuff gets smashed. In the latest incident the baby gate got ripped off the stairs resulting in the dog running up there today, pissing on my bed, ransacking the bins and shitting in one of the bedroons.

Apart from the violence they're disgustingly scruffy and pissed on the bathroom tiles and radiator (next to toilet) so much so that the grouting has been permantly discoloured. Their rooms are just disgusting shit holes with rotting food on the floors, sweet wrappers, mouldy dishes etc.

We live in what should be a nice house. 4 bedroomed detached, double garage - on the outside it looks lovely but inside it's an absolute shithole thanks to the two of them and I can't have people back here as it's a discrace.

I'm sick of living with them. I'm so fed up I feel like leaving them to it, burn the fucker down, you might as well.

I spend hours cleaning the bathrooms just for them to come in and within minutes piss all over it, leave skid marks all over the bog, soak towels and dump them in the sink or stinking on the floor. It's just pointless. I live in a shithole and I am powerless to do anything about it because they ignore me and don't give a shit.

I would bet £5k that I don't get even a card for Mother's Day either because they're so selfish they just don't give a fuck. Eldest never got me anything for Christmas ffs yet eagerly accepts his presents/money from me. I can't believe DH is still here, he's not their dad, i would've fucked off long ago.

OP posts:

DaisyInTheChain · 11/03/2018 12:07

I know a friend who lives with his parents in his 40's and I don't think he's planning on moving anytime soon.

DaisyInTheChain · 11/03/2018 12:08

I would def day to DC if you want to stay here things are going to change big style.

Your home should be how you hope, they at their age need to pull their weight. It might mean lots of nagging but it sinks in eventually.

Goldmandra · 11/03/2018 14:52

I doubt OP has communicated effectively if at all.

As I said treating them like children will not help.

Those are both assumptions. We don't know whether either is correct.

Until we know the reasons behind the behaviour, it's very hard to know what will or won't help.

Managing someone's behaviour, be they adult or child, is always more effective if you understand the root of it.

Fugitivefrombrusstice · 11/03/2018 15:00

Change the wifi password and start charging them market rent. Guarantee they'll either ship up or move out in no time. Poor you OP, they sound horrific.

Okadas · 11/03/2018 15:07

Has anyone suggested taking their phones off them yet?

Life is too short. Give the adult son 3 months to get a place of his own. Write him a "homeless" letter for the council if needs be. Tell the 17 year old he'll be doing the same if he doesn't sort his attitude out before he turns 18.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 11/03/2018 15:09

The council won’t be under any obligation to help a single, healthy, adult male.

RoseWhiteTips · 11/03/2018 15:59

Maybe - and here’s a radical idea - that single, healthy adult male should look after himself?

RoseWhiteTips · 11/03/2018 16:00

The 19 year old should be shown the door, frankly. It might give the other one room for thought - and shape up his attitudes.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 11/03/2018 16:12

Well yes, that’s the logic behind him not being entitled to help.

Okadas · 11/03/2018 16:30

www.gov.uk/emergency-housing-if-homeless

Your council must help if you’re legally homeless, but how much depends on your eligibility, your level of need and if your homelessness is your fault.

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/rules/legally_homeless

You're legally homeless when your notice period ends if you are staying rent-free with family or friends and they give you reasonable notice to leave. You're threatened with homelessness if you have to leave within the next 28 days.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/03/2018 16:38

Yet another thread where the OP posts & doesn't return.

sentenceinterrupted · 11/03/2018 17:00

OP, my ds1 though only 9 is just like this. He has been informally diagnosed with high functioning autism and also has sensory processing disorder. I can totally see how in different circumstances we could have an adult who we didn't know this about, just found very unpleasant to be around. Not saying that's your case, just an option that isn't the masses berating you...

MaidenMotherCrone · 11/03/2018 17:54

@Goldmandra the treating them like children was in response to your suggestions in how to deal with them.

Goldmandra · 11/03/2018 18:01

@Goldmandra the treating them like children was in response to your suggestions in how to deal with them.

Yes. I made some suggestions.

I didn’t decided that they would or wouldn’t work.

Until we know the reasons behind the behaviour, it’s hard to know whether a particular strategy is likely to work.

emmyrose2000 · 12/03/2018 03:16

crazydoglady6867
most lads are like this at their age

Absolutely not!

My DC are nothing like this, nor are any of their friends. Maybe in your little corner of the world boys are feral, but I can assure you it's not how the majority of teenage boys behave.

emmyrose2000 · 12/03/2018 03:18

I can't get past people of this age (or any age beyond about three), pissing on the wall inside the home. That's beyond disgusting. They should've been made to clean it up themselves each and every time.

sashh · 12/03/2018 03:51

As above cut of WiFi, money, phones etc.

Put a lock on the outside of one bathroom - that is your bathroom, do not let them in it.

Give them notice to quit.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 12/03/2018 03:52

Make them clean their mess , everything they break they replace with their own money , how has it got to this , tell their father to talk to them , come down on them very strict until they decide to be decent humans

Orlandsundry · 14/03/2018 22:19

How was Mother's Day OP?

CaptainCabinets · 15/03/2018 17:16

Potentially unpopular opinion...

Whilst they sound fucking awful to be around, please don't just throw them out into the wide blue yonder. As their mother, you probably have a lot to do with why they are the way they are. Perhaps you've been too soft with them and they now see you as a pushover.

Time to get tough, set some rules and make it clear that you mean it. But don't just turf them out. I work with homeless people and this is how it starts all too often. Kicked out of home barely out of their teens, rough sleeping and sofa surfing, getting in with the wrong people, unable to find work, substance misuse. A whole lifetime of that. If you think their behaviour is salvageable (which it often is!), please do try.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6