For wishIng my kids didn't live with me anymore?

[PlayingInPuddles]

I have two sons aged 17 and 19. I can't stand living with them anymore. They're disrespectful, rude, messy, loud and generally unpleasant to live with.

They're completely wrecking my house. They don't get along and every few weeks they fight where holes get punched in the wall, stuff gets thrown all over (again finding walls, ruining floors etc), stuff gets smashed. In the latest incident the baby gate got ripped off the stairs resulting in the dog running up there today, pissing on my bed, ransacking the bins and shitting in one of the bedroons.

Apart from the violence they're disgustingly scruffy and pissed on the bathroom tiles and radiator (next to toilet) so much so that the grouting has been permantly discoloured. Their rooms are just disgusting shit holes with rotting food on the floors, sweet wrappers, mouldy dishes etc.

We live in what should be a nice house. 4 bedroomed detached, double garage - on the outside it looks lovely but inside it's an absolute shithole thanks to the two of them and I can't have people back here as it's a discrace.

I'm sick of living with them. I'm so fed up I feel like leaving them to it, burn the fucker down, you might as well.

I spend hours cleaning the bathrooms just for them to come in and within minutes piss all over it, leave skid marks all over the bog, soak towels and dump them in the sink or stinking on the floor. It's just pointless. I live in a shithole and I am powerless to do anything about it because they ignore me and don't give a shit.

I would bet £5k that I don't get even a card for Mother's Day either because they're so selfish they just don't give a fuck. Eldest never got me anything for Christmas ffs yet eagerly accepts his presents/money from me. I can't believe DH is still here, he's not their dad, i would've fucked off long ago.

Not sure why people are commenting about the dog not being house trained. My dog is the same, I chose to keep her downstairs as I don’t want a dog upstairs, I use a gate, if she manages to get through the gate she will piss on my bed because it’s new territory for her (she never goes up there), it’s not because she’s not trained, it’s because I have chosen to only allow her in one part of the house.

Anyway, I’m sure OP came here for advice regaurding here teens not the dog.

Kick the 19 year old out, move the 17 year old into the garage and stop doing everything for them, don’t cook for them, don’t clean for them, don’t wash their clothes or give them money. They are old enough to know better, you need to be tougher.

Saying, 'just throw them out' is not always the answer. My brother was like this, and worse. It was embarrassing for my mum and I never wanted to have anyone home because of the volatile situation. Eventually things came to a head and he got some treatment via group therapy. Had my parents chucked him out he would never have got the help he needed. He is now so lovely, the most gentle of men and a marvellous husband and father. I'm sure it's just a phase, albeit a difficult one, that they're going through.

Time to bring back National service

Too many badly behaved disrespectful little twats around these days, who treat their parents, and their teachers, and their girlfriends like shit. And aren't scared of authority (like the police.)

Yeah ‘cause there were no abusive pricks around when NS existed that’s just what we need- abusive, angry youths being unwillingly forced to use guns. That will end well.

@NotAllTimsWearCapes

Don't talk such utter shit

Elzee take off your rose tinted glasses, 30-40 years ago, Football, Homophobic and Racist violence was at it's peak. Young Male violence has always been an issue, it was just directed outside the home, probably because previous generations had 'legitimate' targets and was overlooked by the Police.

OP a serious talk, ultimatums and phoning the Police is the way to go.

However as said your 17 year old is a vulnerable young person and you've probably turned a blind eye to the abuse he has suffered from his elder Brother, so at least support him to get support. The LA has a duty of Care towards him (so do you but you aren't exercising it), so they will help him. Your elder one can also still get help being under 25.

All I can suggest is that you get nasty - I mean proper nasty with them. Scream, yell, threaten

Ignore this OP. You don’t need to be nasty or lose your temper like an idiot. Stay calm and lay down your expectations and consequences like an adult.

What's the big deal about the WiFi password? They can just use 4g instead

Don't talk such utter shit

Yes that too elzee. I meant to say that too. Thanks for adding it.

For all the people saying you raised animals, most lads are like this at their age. My advice OP. Write down house rules, put up in their rooms
Every day go to their rooms with a black bin bag anything on the floor or dirty goes in the bag and in the bin. You MUST do it, don’t back out.
Turn off WiFi and don’t put it back on until bathroom is cleaned.

I speak from experience, I did this with both mine, I couldn’t kick them out, I was too soft.

I visit their houses now, and take pleasure in dropping crumbs from my cake etc on the floor😂😂😂😂. (Jokes!!!)

I am afraid I agree with Elzee.

You haven’t trained your sons. They are now vile oiks.

You haven’t trained your dog. It will now piss on your bed given half the chance.

I would re-form what you said in your OP into a letter to the both of them. Then give them a proper notice period (2 months? 3? Don’t know how easy things are rental-wise around you) to move out. Nobody deserves to live like this and even though I have been harsh in what I have said about how you brought them up, there does come a point when adulthood and societal norms should kick in and demonstrate to them that their behaviour is disgusting. Kick the little gits out - it might be just the jolt they need to realise that they cannot behave like this.

most lads are like this at their age.

I don’t believe that for a second.

Holy shit no.

Put them out. Tell them to try their dads. End of.

@Elzee You are not coming across as respectful yourself.

I find most youngsters to be respectful, intelligent and caring people.

Some older people have always looked down on the next generation.

Most lads are not like this. No way!

The poor dog is probably traumatised with all that arguing and violence. No wonder it is peeing and crapping over the house

Indeed. Even dogs that are house-trained can go inside if they are stressed or anxious. Some dogs are also very sensitive to emotional tension.

most lads are like this at their age

I haven't met any that behave in this way.

Punching walls and breaking things? They sound vile. You should certainly make the 19 year old move out, and tell the 17 year old he will be gone the second he turns 18 if he doesn't clean up his act.

Thanks @CoraPirbright

There are some ridiculous posts on here.

And I am the one with the rose tinted glasses?

Don't make me laugh.

most lads are like this at their age
My DS isn't- his sister is far messier and disrespectful
(Nothing on this scale though)

I have to agree that many lads are NOT like this at that age.

But yeah, National service would be the making of many young people!

Despite the apologists and snowflakes saying otherwise.

Send them to their dads.

My ex was like this with his mother.

Note the word ex.

Once I became a mother, he was like this with me too

Kick them out! Let them see what it's like without their mummy providing for them and protecting them. Kids can be such absolute shits...reclaim your life, it's ok to do that. Much love and good luck xxx

This sounds like pretty extreme behaviour, I'd give the 19year old one month to move out and tell the 17year old he'll have 1 month after his 18th birthday to move out unless he shapes up in the interim. Their behaviour is absolutely disgusting, it is in no way normal teenage behaviour to piss all over walls and punch holes in walls.

You should send them to live with elzee in the 1940’s. There was no violence then. Sorted.