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Original poster

Thankful for having the strength to have a natural birth - does this make you feel anything?

326 replies

TuscanMum · 10/03/2018 16:18

The lady in question was saying that she was thankful to God for having the strength to have a natural birth, but that’s not really why I’m asking.

A lady on instagram posted this.

It’s annoyed me because, having had two c sections, the implication is that I must be weak. I know her post was nothing to do with me, she doesn’t know me, but I can’t really explain why it’s irked me. I probably need to get out more!

I believe all women should be congratulated, however they give birth.

Tell me to pipe down and I’ll shuffle along😳

Is this irritating or is it me?

OP posts:
Pooshweens · 10/03/2018 20:34

Is she being smug for having a vaginal birth or for having no pain relief? If no pain relief, then that's just being annoying

Turkkadin · 10/03/2018 20:39

3 vaginal births here. No epidurals. Spinal block after 24 hours of agony as son was back to back and born with ventouse.
3rd birth just gas and air and the end was the most violently painful thing ever. I knew I wouldn't be doing it ever again. I didn't feel proud just relieved when it was over.

Helmetbymidnight · 10/03/2018 20:41

I don’t like all this smug ‘thanking God’ business. What about all the women in developing countries who die in childbirth, or their babies die or they suffer horrendous birth injuries

Well, God was far too busy giving this dim-wit woman the strength to have a natural birth to worry about them.

minkypinkpants · 10/03/2018 20:45

I felt immensely proud of my body when I had my first baby. It didn't go as planned, was meant to be a water birth with no drugs, but the pain got so bad I left the pool and tried to lock myself in the loo, and I ended up forcing the baby out before I was ready as the pain was too much... ended up with a horrific tear and after the birth epidural and surgery. I felt like a powerful woman for going through that level of agonizing pain and surviving. Do I think a c-section is as hard as that? No way. I had two c-sections afterwards, and even the one that went wrong and caused a lot of pain wasn't anything like the same experience of the first labour and birth.

I don't think c=section people don't deserve the same congratulations - having a baby is a huge deal. But I don't see why those who didn't do it naturally feel the need to get offended when a woman that did go the natural route celebrates her success.

Why can't everyone just lift each other up?

Also, although my natural birth made me feel more in touch with being a woman than anything else I have ever done, I don't recommend it to anyone!! I told my sister to take all the drugs. She did and was able to text me during the actual active labour to say baby was in her birth canal and the doctor told her to just relax and let baby move slowly down without pushing for half an hour.. Can't even imagine that without drugs!

Helmetbymidnight · 10/03/2018 20:47

I'm not lifting up that woman

TathitiPete · 10/03/2018 20:48

I have had two labours, one 'natural' and one epidural. As everyone says, it doesn't matter as long as the baby is okay. My 'natural labour' baby was not okay.

Whether the two facts are related or just coincidence I wouldn't fancy a drug free birth again.

Pikehau · 10/03/2018 20:50

YANBU.
Maybe fortunate would have been a better turn of phrase? Fortunate I was able to give birth naturally. I only say this as I assume no one wants an emergency c section after a prolonged and horrible labour.

FWIW I have given birth 3 times naturally and easily, twice at home.

My sister had one emc after a long labour and a vbac second time round. She laughs that to me it’s like shelling peas. I am fortunate that i have had uncomplicated natural births that I could “enjoy” She did not enjoy hers.

Pain relief... well I hypno birthed and didn’t get gas and air in time for 2 of them but I sure used it for the placenta and I hadn’t an injection to deliver it.... so meeeh to all who judge me for that. And some will. Some of the stuff I have heard!

You did an amazing job growing your baby.... no one else did that - all you. Well done!!! And well done to you given the events of their birthday!! You should be more proud than me and my pea shelling!

X

LovelyBranches · 10/03/2018 20:53

I had two c sections. I refuse to feel affected by someone else’s natural birth. I am no less a mother because I gave birth the way I did. Plus anaesthetic makes me unbelievably polite so despite my emergency c section due to baby being stuck, I had an utterly lovely time as did everyone around me.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 10/03/2018 20:54

I get that for some women giving birth is a powerful thing. For me it wasn't the life-affirming womanly-strength-giving time. It was simply something I endured and am fortunate to have survived.

DS1's labour was natural with no pain relief or epidural but he went into distress and it was simply awful at the end with him being ventoused as they prepped me for a c-section.

DS2's labour was also natural with no pain relief or epidural and was far easier and shorter, but he also went into distress at the very end and the panic that overshadowed his arrival meant that I lost the 'joy' you're meant to feel.

I'm grateful to have survived. I'm eternally thankful that my babies came through. There's no heroics or accolades on my part; I feel awful that both went into distress, I felt like a shitty Mother for not loving every minute of their labour. But labour is a teeny tiny percentage of who they end up being and your abilities as a Mother. There are better things to feel proud of; the fact that when they're 7 and fall off a harbour wall you taught them to swim well enough to save their own life. The fact that they're kind to the kids at school who struggle. The fact that they know all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody. Be proud of the shit that matters, not the inner workings of your vaginal walls.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 10/03/2018 20:57

I'm proud that I more or less held it together during the births of both my children but my second birth via emcs was by far the more traumatic birth. Mostly I am just grateful that we all got through ok and that I can pay for therapy to address the ptsd.

Patienceisvirtuous · 10/03/2018 20:59

Pride schmide.

I am proud of my sweet, gorgeous little son. Who I was ‘blessed’ with after 3 miscarriages. I give zero fucks re how I birthed him (17 hour induced labour with epidural incidentally), I just care that he’s here!

Isn’t that the point - a healthy baby. Not a perfect birth...?!

Takfujuimoto · 10/03/2018 21:17

I'm not sure if proud is the right word, although if people feel that way then who am I to say otherwise?
However i think glad is more appropriate, she should be glad to have had a labour and birth she wanted and glad that hopefully her baby was born healthy.

I am glad I stood up for myself and had 3 sections I am also glad my first two were born unscathed and that my third is alive despite being born with complicated health issues.

AliasGrape · 10/03/2018 21:21

My (birth) mother died giving birth to me. Guess god just didn’t give her enough strength eh?

We’ve been ttc a long time and if I should ever manage to get pregnant my birth plan will be 1) get the baby out safely 2) keep me alive to raise them - whatever needs to happen to achieve those things will be fine by me

PorkFlute · 10/03/2018 21:32

I’ve had 2 natural births and it’s nothing to do with strength. It was to do with having a crowning babies head ripping my vagina and having no choice but to push to get them out. And being denied any pain relief.

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 21:38

I had two c sections. I refuse to feel affected by someone else’s natural birth. I am no less a mother because I gave birth the way I did
this with bells on

Pride to me means you did something better than everyone else

en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/pride
i realise this is only one of the options here, but this is the one that normally people think of, its also a 7 deadly sin (i dont know if thats an urban myth though to be honest)

3.1 The quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance.

conversely, its also
A feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

which is what you posters are saying here, but i think its the connotations of the word thats causing discord

SomethingOnce · 10/03/2018 21:42

Hand on heart, OP, do you never express happiness or pride in anything that might make oversensitive people feel bad?

Are you always so mean spirited?

CatsForgotPassword · 10/03/2018 21:44

Who’s mean spirited? No one here is.

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 21:46

SomethingOnce, that could be directed at me as well as OP - i'm proud when my DC get a good school report, i am conflicted here,

i'm proud that my DC are doing well, but i dont feel pride in that fact i squidged them out of my vagina instead of a c section, i'm proud they exist and i made them, but not how i got them out

it was luck of the draw, my DSis was in labour for 2 days with her DS, i was 2 hours, my other DSis had a c-section, she feels the same pride in her DC

SomethingOnce · 10/03/2018 21:53

Everything’s the luck of the draw to some extent but there is a tendency to selectively overlook it.

Another woman’s successful vaginal birth - luck of the draw.

My bright kids - all my own work.

I doubt either are 100% correct.

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 21:55

i get what you mean Something - i think we have a little to do with how our little horrors turn out - we nuture and lavish care on them and more often than not they turn into decent adults, we've seen what happens when children are neglected

SomethingOnce · 10/03/2018 21:57

Not having a go, btw, it’s just an observation.

SomethingOnce · 10/03/2018 22:00

The parents we are to our children has a lot to do with the luck (or otherwise) of being born to our own parents.

Louiselouie0890 · 10/03/2018 22:11

She's talking about herself no one else. I think your bringing your own issues into it. Do you know her labour story? It could be she was atru6 had implications but managed to get through it? Who knows. Its like the whole breast milk debate. Some people feel they cant be proud for fear of upsetting someone.

Helmetbymidnight · 10/03/2018 22:22

She's not just talking about herself, she's talking about how god deliberately singled her out to give her the strength for a natural birth.
#blessed #unlikeyoufuckers

Louiselouie0890 · 10/03/2018 22:27

Like I said she could have had complications and be religious and so is thankful it all went well. She might be thankful because she's petrified of c sections. She might have just simply wanted a natural birth. She's not slamming anyone. People will find offense in anything.