Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waitress bringing the bill

131 replies

AnotherPlaceAnotherTime · 10/03/2018 06:57

I took my DM out for a meal last night for Mother’s Day. We went to a small local Italian restaurant (not a chain).

Instead of dessert my DM said that she would have a glass of wine. The wine was brought together with the bill. I’m a complete conflict avoider so didn’t say anything l. My DM felt rushed and left half of the wine.

The restaurant was busy but we’d only been there an hour. AIBU to think this is really bad customer service?

OP posts:
iBiscuit · 10/03/2018 13:31

Yes, the bill comes on request, or if a table has clearly finished.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 10/03/2018 13:32

I prefer to be given a bill with desert and asked to pay at own convenience

RoomOfRequirement · 10/03/2018 13:33

This thread alone shows there isn't a consensus, some prefer to ask, some prefer it brought early. So restaurants and waitresses can't really win. I wouldn't worry about when the bill is brought, just pay whenever I was ready.

HolidayCriminal · 10/03/2018 13:36

You can tell I don't eat often (& I'm foreign)... I totally don't see the issue.

Order more food or drink if you want (even after bill arrives, they can add more to a revised bill). Drink the wine & Pay the bill as slowly as you need to. Why so complicated?

Feels like only the British get so wrapped up in unspoken expectations.

HolidayCriminal · 10/03/2018 13:36

don't eat OUT often

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 13:38

Fgs if you weren't finished why did you leave? You're both adults, right? They were just giving you the bill not shaking you upside down to get the money from you.

iBiscuit · 10/03/2018 13:39

Restaurants here are all about unspoken expectations, Holiday Grin

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 10/03/2018 13:39

Yes,it’s strangled etiquette. Getting all fraught over the right way
Completely agree with your post holidaycriminal Of course a revised bill can be produced

iBiscuit · 10/03/2018 13:41

It's been well over a decade since I worked in restaurants, but in the ones I worked in bills were only issued without being requested if we wanted the table to leave.

GabsAlot · 10/03/2018 13:50

did tnhey hover over u and wait for it to be paid if so yes rude-if not your not obliged to feel rushed take your time

i hate having to try and catch servers attnetion for the bill thats what makes me stressed

MsHarry · 10/03/2018 13:53

It's not good service.What would have been better, would be for the waitress to ask if you'd be more comfortable in the bar area if they had one.

MsHomeSlice · 10/03/2018 13:54

Bringing the bill without it being requested is a bit rude but imo waiting staff are mostly hopelessly disorganised these days so really any meal out is a complete lottery!

If we are waiting for the bill (that's been asked for) dh and I have a routine....bathroom visit each, and then it's stand up, coats on and get in everyone's way

blastomama · 10/03/2018 13:55

hat would have been better, would be for the waitress to ask if you'd be more comfortable in the bar area if they had one

No, because there is no indication at all that they wanted them to leave the table.

MsHarry · 10/03/2018 13:59

I agree blast but if the restaurant were under pressure for the table they could ask if the customer would like to move to a bar if they would only be drinking. Of course, they can decline and stay for the duration.

blastomama · 10/03/2018 14:04

sure, but we don't know that was the case here. Doesnt sound like it

Oblomov18 · 10/03/2018 14:16

More fool you for allowing them to rush you. I would NEVER have left my wine. Ever.

ChocolateWombat · 10/03/2018 14:28

It is standard practice in good restuarants to wait until the customer asks for the bill, until it is brought over. As the customer it is up to you how long you sit there and if that is for hours on end, the staff just have to wait. If there is a time limit on tables, that should be made clear.

So it wasn't usual good restaurant practice to bring the bill with an item ordered ...unless of course the customer asked for it with that item, which a number of people may prefer ...all fine, because it's their choice.

So the restuarant were being rather rude and insure it was to shoo you away, but it was your choice to be leave sooner. You didn't need to leave quickly.

Personally, I would have said 'oh I didn't ask for the bill' and looked surprised. If at that point they had said 'but you didn't want anything more' or similar, I think I'd have replied with 'not right now, but perhaps in a while' or something similar. It's the kind of thing where I would raise my eyebrows at, but probably wouldn't be saying anything about. If I felt they were being pushy or it was a very nice restaurant where you just don't expect this kind of thing, I might mention it to whoever was on the door on the way out.....because decent restaurants won't want their staff doing this.

The thing is, I wouldn't feel embarrassed, just mildly miffed. The OP and her mother felt embarrassed and obliged to whizz off.

Mothers Day eh.....restaurants trying to pack people in and squeeze in as many covers as possible....all a bit greedy and short term, rather than considering if you'll ever be likely to return again.

ChocolateWombat · 10/03/2018 14:30

Another good response would quite simply be 'oh, we won't be going for a while yet' or 'did someone ask for the bill?'

blastomama · 10/03/2018 14:35

Another good response would quite simply be 'oh, we won't be going for a while yet' or 'did someone ask for the bill?

The first is fine, the second would be very rude.

Hateloggingin · 10/03/2018 14:42

LipstickHandbagCoffee you’re related to ScottishMummy right?

You must at least be sisters as you talk/post in such a similar way. Obviously you can’t actually be her, because she was banned.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 10/03/2018 16:01

It is standard practice in good restuarants to wait until the customer asks for the bill

Is it? I ate in a place recently with a Michelin star where the bill was put on the table with the first course, and updated as the meal progressed. Yes, not in Europe, but then, you wouldn't possibly be so parochial as to claim universal standards, would you? I'm pretty certain I've eaten in very good places with impeccable service in the US where the bill comes with the coffee, too, although I might be mis-remembering.

I've had far more meals tarnished by having to piss about for ten minutes paying when I wanted to leave than I have by the imaginary "problem" of the bill coming too early.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 16:19

I would have said “ oh we aren’t finished yet but will shout you over when we’re done “ and then carried on with the wine. No biggie.

ChocolateWombat · 10/03/2018 18:33

It is different in various parts of the world. However here, it is usual to wait for the customer to ask for the bill.

In reality, I agree that a bill in itself isn't a problem if brought before you are ready. It can be ignored until you are ready and that's fine if it's customary or if the person receiving it doesn't take it as a big hint to leave. However, I think the reason that staff wait to be asked for the bill, is to give the customer the sense that they can take their time and are not being rushed away....it is on the customers terms. The OP did feel rushed by the bill being brought - here it tends to signal the end and people leaving, although not always. I think quite a lot if people would feel it was a sign that the restaurant were trying to move them on...not a good impression to be giving if you are interested in customer service. Quite likely to be a smaller tip following that. But I suspect that some of these service niceties are slipping in chain restuarants, when most people are using vouchers and tips are small and especially when they tend to over book themselves, or on occasions like Mother's Day when many do this. It could well be that some staff are under pressure to meet targets regarding numbers, rather than service, so if this is the case, they will subtly or not so subtly try to move people on.

If it happened to me, it wouldn't ruin my meal or alter the time I left (unless we had been told time was limited) but I think I'd notice. It wouldn't spoil my overall enjoyment of the meal or overall service, but it certainly wouldn't boost my view of it and possibly slightly reduce it......moreso in a good restaurant known for service, perhaps less so in one being run by teenagers who don't seem to have been trained.

I've heard my father-in-law comment a couple of times recently, that he's been to a couple of places which were always very decent restuarants with an eye for service and absolutely not cheap, and that he's been disappointed with the staff and service received.....a number of things, which individually probably seem small, but together made him feel he might not go back - that part of the treat of being there was now missing. Seemed to think the staff simply hadn't been trained and didn't know what were the norms. It may well be that many things are becoming more informal and lots of matters of service in restuarants simply become far less commonplace.

Turnocks34 · 11/03/2018 18:47

Wouldn’t bother me, I prefer t to be honest.

I have had an issue when taking my grandparents out as a thank you (they provide our childcare and won’t take anything in return and so we do monthly treats instead). The waiter brought the bill to my grandad, and then when I took it to pay, he brought the card machine back to my grandad Hmm

george49 · 11/03/2018 18:58

Why the hell did you leave before you ready? You can't blame anyone but yourselves for that.

I sometimes find it odd how insecure and nervous some people are. I'd think nothing of leaving the bill on the table for another hour, and ordering more wine if I wanted.

Why would I give a fuck what the waitress thinks?