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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waitress bringing the bill

131 replies

AnotherPlaceAnotherTime · 10/03/2018 06:57

I took my DM out for a meal last night for Mother’s Day. We went to a small local Italian restaurant (not a chain).

Instead of dessert my DM said that she would have a glass of wine. The wine was brought together with the bill. I’m a complete conflict avoider so didn’t say anything l. My DM felt rushed and left half of the wine.

The restaurant was busy but we’d only been there an hour. AIBU to think this is really bad customer service?

OP posts:
Biker47 · 10/03/2018 07:59

I'd prefer it that way to be honest, if you want anything else can always ask for it and have a new bill made, if not you can pay and leave without having to wait around for the bil. It was your choice to leave when you did.

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 07:59

The bill was also handed to my dad, which was embarrassing as I had invited the whole family out and I wanted to pay.

why didn't you just say, oh that's mine then? how is the waiter meant to know you wanted to pay?

JaimesGoldenHand · 10/03/2018 08:01

I would love this. I've noticed that in the US it's common to bring the bill before it's asked for, usually with a "No rush, whenever you guys are ready". In British restaurants, staff seem to lose interest in you after the main course so that the time waiting for pudding (if any) and the bill can double the length of the meal. I always ask for the bill when pudding/coffee is brought.

funnylittlefloozie · 10/03/2018 08:01

I'm sorry that's been your experience, stayathomer but i promise you, its not the norm. I eat out a fair bit, and don't recall the last time I felt rushed in a restaurant. Even in the place in Amiens where we were the only customers in, and were happily shovelling down our cous-cous while the waiting staff were tidying up around us...the staff then sat around drinking wine and relaxing while we fimnished our dinner. No rushing. I don't take the mick with table-hogging, but neither do i rush, and if i think waiting staff are trying to rush me, i'll hammer the tip.

JaimesGoldenHand · 10/03/2018 08:01

Cross posted with latest OP update - sorry

BeyondThePage · 10/03/2018 08:01

This is the norm in some countries - whenever we have gone to Florida for instance they bring the bill with dessert - it is not assumed you will leave, or not order more, just what they do there. (they also bring main course with starter at a lot of places there... but that is another gripe for another thread)

Olga81 · 10/03/2018 08:02

I'd only think it was rude if they brought the bill over along with the card machine clearly expecting you to pay there and then. Quietly leaving it on the table to pay at your leisure is fine (and preferable imo).

I'd think nothing of sitting and enjoying drinks after the bill has been paid, certainly wouldn't feel uncomfortable about doing it just because the bill has been presented.

TERFragetteCity · 10/03/2018 08:04

why didn't you just say, oh that's mine then? how is the waiter meant to know you wanted to pay?

It is an assumption that the most senior man will pay, because he is a man.

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 08:07

there are a lot of assumptions in the world, doesn't stop us saying that's wrong does it?

we were out a while a go and they gave the bill to my 12yr old ds- should I be upset that I didn't get it as the only woman there?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 10/03/2018 08:07

The bill was also handed to my dad, which was embarrassing as I had invited the whole family out and I wanted to pay.
This sort of thing is very irritating. They should hand the bill to the person who asks for it, or if bringing it over without it being requested ask who woukd like the bill.

OliviaStabler · 10/03/2018 08:12

Just ignore her. You should have taken your time.

LittleMissBrainy · 10/03/2018 08:13

Not as rude as adding an 'optional' gratuity. I hate that practice. So arrogant.

AjasLipstick · 10/03/2018 08:13

I'd have felt the need to say "Oh! I had planned on ordering more...isn't it usual to ask before bringing the bill?"

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 10/03/2018 08:13

I just felt like it was a clear signal that we’d outstayed our welcome.

It probably wasn't. Independent restaurant, not over-staffed, busy night, why make the extra trip to give you your bill.

I am far more likely to be annoyed that I can't get the bill, not that it's been brought.

Svalberg · 10/03/2018 08:14

I've noticed recently that the bill is put dead in the centre of DP & myself, or give to the one who asked for it. Anyhow, many a meal has been spoilt for us trying to get the eye of someone to pay - for some reason every restaurant becomes massively busy as soon as we want to pay. I've resorted to standing up & getting my coat!

AlessandroVasectomi · 10/03/2018 08:14

We’ve just returned from a month-long road tour of New Zealand. There the etiquette is that you walk up to the counter/reception area when you want to pay, so the bill part of the process is entirely under your control. It does save the irritating bit of trying to attract somebody’s attention when you want to pay.

A few years ago I was at an Italian restaurant in the City with some friends when the waiter brought us the bill before we’d asked for it. We smiled in acknowledgement and carried on chatting and drinking. Then they brought us our coats! My friends decided to carry on chatting and (slowly) finishing their wine as they weren’t going to be rushed out of a half-empty restaurant. I found the whole thing deeply embarrassing.

Jackyjill6 · 10/03/2018 08:15

Where is this restaurant so I can go!

I hate having to try to attract the attention of busy waiting staff. It means I can't pay attention to the table conversation, while I am trying to catch someone's eye or wave at them.

roundaboutthetown · 10/03/2018 08:17

It's funny that - my biggest bugbear in busy restaurants is waiting for hours before I finally manage to attract someone's attention to get the bill and then waiting for hours more before I can attract their attention again so that I can pay it! Grin I think I would only have felt rushed and taken offence if I felt I hadn't made it obvious that the wine was the last thing I was planning to order. If I'd been thinking I might like to go on to have a coffee, too, I would probably have been a bit annoyed by the premature bill.

Butteredparsn1ps · 10/03/2018 08:18

I’m glad to see other posters prefer the bill being brought promptly. I too hate having to catch someone’s eye.

Was there anything else about the service that made you feel rushed OP?

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 10/03/2018 08:33

I’m glad to see other posters prefer the bill being brought promptly

Quite. It's the thing that most annoys me, and now I just walk to the till and pay and add the place to the "shit service, don't go back" list. Ask once, wait a few minutes, ask again, leave. If I have to pay at the till in order to get out, then they can whistle for a tip, too.

Happened · 10/03/2018 08:34

I'd prefer that, better than sitting for ages waiting for someone to bring it. I wouldn't have felt rushed to pay or leave earlier than I wanted to.

Allthewaves · 10/03/2018 08:37

It's not unusual if restaurants are busy to get the bill with dessert as saves customer time trying to catch waiting staffs eye for the bill. Never felt rushed when it happens

topcat2014 · 10/03/2018 08:38

I always eat at the Hungry Horse chain, where you pay at the bar before ordering.

Saves all the bill hassle..

sometimes do something a little more classy

Original poster
AnotherPlaceAnotherTime · 10/03/2018 08:38

The whole night was a bit rushed, as they were busy but it was mainly the bringing of the bill to the table which made me feel rushed.

It seems to be one of those marmite issues!

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 10/03/2018 08:39

yy jacky why do all the staff seem to vanish when you need the bill.

These days I try to remember to ask for the bill when I order dessert.