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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

621 replies

lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:25

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

OP posts:
Trampire · 10/03/2018 08:21

I don't have anxiety and I would sent a little text on my ds first sleepover. Just to ask if she was behaving herself and settled etc.
Likewise when I had girls here I would send out a text when they had gone to sleep (finally). I think it's just reassuring. It doesn't mean all the parents are sat at home ringing their hands!

When my ds first went for a sleepover I git no text until the next day when the poor Mum said they didn't sleep until 4am Grin

Cuppaoftea · 10/03/2018 08:23

In my view if you've got someone else's child staying you don't ignore your phone and don't keep it on silent. When it's just your own family at home do what you like.

YANBU OP.

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 10/03/2018 08:28

Have you heard from them this morning?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 10/03/2018 08:29

I’m the least maternal person in the world but I would be anxious if my calls were ignored.
I wouldn’t have called them that many times, but if I had I would be worried that I was being ignored.
My husband won’t allow sleepovers though so it’s not something I’ll have to worry about.

Yabu and yanbu OP

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2018 08:33

“No. The rule on sleepovers is - they contact you if they need to. You don't contact them.”

Absolutely. Couldn’t agree more.

However, the rule of normal human interaction is- if you see 7 missed calls on your phone you respond.

Mummadeeze · 10/03/2018 08:33

Let us know if you here from her. I would have felt worried and annoyed too if there had been no response to my text or subsequent calls. I don't think you were being OTT. She was thoughtless.

upsideup · 10/03/2018 08:33

Get your child their own phone, they can text you and you can text them.
YABU to ring 7 times for no reason, dd(10) had a friends round a few weeks ago and we had 10+ and 4 phonecalls (that we picked up) that lasted 20+ wanting to talk to her dd and for us to give her a complete rundown of what they have been doing, it might be mean but we are in no rush to invite this girl soon and if we do we might as well invite her mother.

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2018 08:34

“My husband won’t allow sleepovers though so it’s not something I’ll have to worry about.“

Another rule. If you can type a sentence like this without pausing for reflection- you need to pause for reflection.

KERALA1 · 10/03/2018 08:35

YABU - bring that helicopter back down to the airport. I sometimes leave my phone downstairs and concentrate on a film or something. If I saw 7 missed calls from my dds pals mother I would have thought something awful had happened and on finding it hadn't would privately conclude you were a real twitch who didn't trust me.

Mine similar age we work on no news is good news basis.

Remember when we were kids? No one had mobile phones - do you remember your mother ringing the land line 7 times when you were at a sleepover to check little Amelia hadn't been sold into the white slave trade? Everyone would have thought you were bonkers.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 10/03/2018 08:36

&BertrandRussell

What’s that supposed to mean?

gamerwidow · 10/03/2018 08:38

If you’re phoning her mobile she probably has it set to silent and hasn’t noticed your calls because hosting a sleepover means your house is a chaotic maelstrom.
If you trusted her enough to let your child spend the night with her you should trust her enough to contact you if your daughter needs you.
My Dd is 7 and has had sleepovers at my house and at her friends house. I wouldn’t dream of checking up on her while she was there because I know that if my Dd needed me the hosting parents would phone. She is round the corner not on Mars and the hosting parents know I would come and pick her straight away if there was an issue.
The other Mum was silly not to put her phone on in case you were phoning with an actual emergency but it’s an easy mistake to make if you are in the habit of turning your phone off for work etc.

KERALA1 · 10/03/2018 08:40

There are many strange strange people on this thread. Bertrand I know exactly what you mean...

Why no sleepovers? Intriguing - is your dh secretly making a bomb in the shed or growing cannabis in the attic and he can't have anyone finding out?!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/03/2018 08:41

Notum - why doesn't your DH 'allow' sleepovers?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 10/03/2018 08:42

Why no sleepovers? Intriguing - is your dh secretly making a bomb in the shed or growing cannabis in the attic and he can't have anyone finding out?!

We can have children here, but for personal reasons, he won’t have the kids staying anywhere else.

gamerwidow · 10/03/2018 08:43

Fwiw I also suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and OCD but it is MY illness to manage other people should not have to carry the burden of reassuring me and enabling my anxieties.

Skatingfastonthinice · 10/03/2018 08:43

I think it was wrong of the parent not to answer the phone the first time. If my children went anywhere, I expected them to be contactable. No, I didn’t phone up if they were somewhere else, I expected to be contacted if there was a problem. But if I phoned, I’d bloody well expect a response.

user1469682920 · 10/03/2018 08:44

I'm not sure what people expect when they ring for reassurance like this. I know you just want to hear she's fine and what a delight she is to host but presumably if she was ill or upset they would have contacted you anyway and if she's tearing the place apart and being a little s**t they're not going to tell you so I really don't get the point of 'ringing to check they're ok'.
Also at 9 they could be really upset and falling out one minute and having a brilliant time five minute later, its the whole experience that counts. It would be a shame if you happened to ring at the one point things weren't great.

Lizzie48 · 10/03/2018 08:46

Our DDs (nearly 9 and 6) have had sleepovers but only with their cousins and with Granny. My DSis and I stay in touch via text whereas my BIL and SIL don't contact us at all. We know that if there is a problem they'll call us.

I think the mum should have responded to your text, but it sounds like you didn't give her much time to reply. And yes, trying to call 7 times was well OTT, sorry.

Quartz2208 · 10/03/2018 08:47

Have you heard from them now?

I have to say DD (just 9) has done 3 sleepovers and each one sent a picture/update via text/whats app/facebook group

She has also just arrived back from the school 2 night/3 day residential and to be fair to the school they posted 2/3 updates a day on social media and it was appreciated by the parents as it was nice to see generic updates and know it was going well

PoorYorick · 10/03/2018 08:50

NotUmbungo, I think it means it's not normal for a man to dictate that his children can never have friends round to stay for the night. And unless there's some huge backstory, I agree.

Kids need to socialise and sleepovers are great fun.

LagunaBubbles · 10/03/2018 08:50

If there had been anything wrong someone would have contacted you. Thats only common sense.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/03/2018 08:51

Hopefully she’ll respond this morning op. And be mortified to have missed all those calls. I expect your DD is fine.

LagunaBubbles · 10/03/2018 08:53

And before anyone starts going on about mental health anxiety is a normal human response, there is a big difference between this and an actual diagnosis of an anxiety disorder.

SparklyMagpie · 10/03/2018 08:56

Yes she should have contacted you after seeing lots of missed calls and messages.

I'm sure everything was fine OP and hopefully you've spoken to them this morning

Loubilou09 · 10/03/2018 08:59

I would be really annoyed - don’t think you were overreacting at all OP.

It’s bloody disrespectful and thoughtless not to have sent a quick text at some point in the evening. Has she contacted you this morning?